I am NOT your fan | EXO CHEN

8. A place to go

Song of the Chapter: Why So Lonely? - Wonder Girls ✨

'The more I get to know you, the more I don't. Why does my heart keep getting lonely? I feel like I'm trapped alone in an empty room.'

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It was a rash and absolutely terrible decision to chase him out like that. For the next 3 days, I had nothing accomplished. My only task was to compose a song but nothing good was coming out of my nut head. I grumbled to myself almost every 5 minutes and found myself tossing the pen on the table repeatedly to vent my frustration.

Even though I was given a work desk in a corner of SM's office on the 13th floor, that space was too cramp and unappealing for me to get any inspiration for my homework. With that excuse, I booked a recording studio for myself hoping that maybe, I could get a spark of idea from there. I already created several melodies that could make up a song and honestly, they weren't that bad to me. But it just wasn't right because none of them fit the 'Jongdae' concept. 

I crushed up another scribbled piece of paper and tossed it into the pool of abandoned drafts behind me. It's the fourth day since the assignment so I was getting really stressed out. What if I can't produce a good piece to Jason? I felt burdened by that thought and I didn't want to force myself to choose a melody that wouldn't fit.

As the hours pass, my hair that was originally tied in a neat bun gradually loosened into a ball of mess. At this rate, I was falling into a slump. I sank deep into my chair with my legs sprawled apart and faced up at the ceiling. I felt so hopeless. Putting a paper over my face, I sighed heavily at the failure I was becoming.

No no, it's not the end. You have 4 more days, you can do this, Rosie.

But I don't even have a direction to follow...

Then my stomach growled. "Argh!" I cried out to myself. I was hungry but I didn't have an appetite. What am I supposed to do now? Should I just consult Jason about this? I don't even have anything to show him... What would he think of me if he knew that I had nothing done?

"I'm hungry!!!" I whined angrily to myself when my stomach kept calling. Just then, a knock came from the door. I quickly straightened my slumbering posture, "who is it?"

"Hi," one guy staff opened up. "Sorry to interrupt but I've booked this room at this timing."

I guess it's time for me to get out. Sobs.

"Sorry, just give me a minute to pack up!" I hastily fetched all my trash papers, shoving them into my big tote bag before emptying the studio. So... where do I go now?

From my office level on the 13th floor to being kicked out of the recording studio on the 12th, maybe descending one level down would find me another spot. Jason mentioned that the 9th, 10th and 11th floor were dance practice rooms, maybe I could borrow a vacant one then.

Arriving on the 11th floor, I randomly picked an empty dance room and settled down with my paperwork spread over the floor again. To others it may look like a mess, but I view things better this way. As you know, dance rooms have mirrors. The moment I saw my own reflection, I couldn't help but loathe the way I looked. My hair looked like it hasn't been washed for a week, although technically speaking, I really haven't washed it in two days. 

The conclusion is, I still am dirty.

But now wasn't the time to fix my appearance. I was more desperate for the assignment and I just wanted to come up with something and show it to Jason. Let's start afresh and think about the types of musical form Jongdae would fit. Rock? Ballad?