I am NOT your fan | EXO CHEN

37. Method

Song: Rumor - H.I.N.P.✨

'You're toxic, you sink into me. You play with my heart and I fall for you again. But I can't do anything else. When we lock eyes, I can't listen to anything else. I want to believe you and burn all the rumors about you.'

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He closed the door after all.

When the door sealed us apart, silence came smacking me in the face. This ugly, empty feeling was a whole new level of loneliness. I already missed him.

I walked up to the closed door and rested my hand on the wooden surface, as if it could change the fact that he was gone.

What if I open it again and Jongdae's still standing there?

Maybe.

The sudden surge of curiosity made me open the door again, and...

I had to admit that I was expecting something.

But I let out that hopeful breath when I was faced with disappointment. He wasn't there anymore.

Gosh, Rosie, what are you doing now? You're the one that chased him away...

"If only you weren't an idol," I muttered to the air.

Depressed, I stayed there, leaned against the door frame and got some cold breeze into my face. I'm not waiting anymore, but I still had that teeny bit of hope.

I stood there for awhile until I was interrupted
by the ringing of my house phone. It was buzzing from my living room, so I finally decided to head back in and take the call.

"Rosie speaking," I picked up, my voice holding no emotion.

"DUDE! Why haven't you been picking up?! I thought you were collapsed or something!" Mel roared through the line so loud that I had to pull the phone away from my ear slightly.

"I'm sorry man, my phone's dead for quite some time... But I'm home now in case you still wonder," I rubbed my forehead.

"You're damn right, captain obvious. I'm calling the house phone."

"Oh. Right." I dragged my palm down to my cheek.

"Don't go anywhere you idiot. I'm actually on my way to your place now. Will be there in 10," Mel informed.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll see you in a bit."

...

Indeed, I kept my promise to Jongdae. Mel came over exactly as she said she would, all prepared with her big bag of belongings. Needless to say, she already invited herself to stay over at my place for the night.

The last time (pretty recent, actually) we had a stay over was when Mel had issues with Daniel, but this time, the one with guy issues was me.

Can't believe this is happening.

To my surprise, though, I didn't go bawling to her like a crybaby. I learned that that shit is seriously tiring and a big waste of energy. I was done with being overly-emotional and I had better things to worry about now, with Jun being the first person in mind.

I need to confront the traitor soon.

Before I came to that, Mel was demanding every piece of detail from the beginning to end.  So I finally told her all that I knew, and okay, it'd be a lie if I didn't spill a single tear or so. I did shed a few tears. It was just strange how they'd sting my eyes only when I talked about the good, precious times I had with Jongdae. It seemed like the happier memories only turned into a past that was hurting me more. And I have to accept it as it is now.