I am NOT your fan | EXO CHEN

51. If only

Song: I'll Be There - CHEN ✨

'Don't cry. If someday you look back on us and your memories of me are warm, that's all that matters. I'll be there in your memories, I'll lay asleep there in your heart. I miss you so much, I know it can't happen but I want to see you. Sorry for ruining our love with memories, sorry we parted so we would never meet again. I probably won't ever be able to forget all of the promises I couldn't keep.'

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That's him, I recognized him as soon as he walked past me. There was a strange sense of familiarity coming from him that I couldn't turn away, leading my eyes to follow in his direction. I soon pivoted from my original path and followed wherever he was heading, discarding the fact that I was still in the hospital.

My first therapy session had just ended and I was really eager to get out of the hospital. That thought lasted until I saw him again, and I was determined to get to him than to lose contact like I once did before. The anxiety that hooked onto me throughout the entire hospital visit was suddenly the last thing I could feel now. Everything else was thrown to the back of my mind, I was only curious about him.

"Rosie?" Jongdae sounded from behind me when he noticed my change of direction, but I was too distracted to stop and answer him.

That man continued to walk his way, completely unsuspecting of being followed and who I was. I brisked walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder when I came near. Tapping him was the way to go, partly because I was too timid to call him by the name and because I never knew how to acknowledge him. He stopped and turned, serving me a gentle look of a stranger.

Finally seeing him face to face, I briefly scanned the appearance of this man. The glasses he wore and the way he gelled his hair may have changed, but the face of that man despite his aging, was the same. Either way, I was glad I could still recognize him. Of course, how could I forget?

"Yes? How may I help you?" He asked politely. That voice of his was an instant refresh to my memory, adding certainty that he was the guy I remembered him to be. At first, I planned to ask if he remembered me, but my question turned into a statement instead.

"Hi, it's me." I introduced myself with the words flowing out uncomfortably, assuming that he knew of my existence. He blinked cluelessly for a few seconds, taking the time to recognize me.

And really, I don't blame him if he did forget about me.

I casually looked to his hand and spotted a shining silver on his ring finger. So he was already married.

"You're!" He finally raised a finger at me, putting up a bright welcoming smile. "Rosie?" He said in a tone of disbelief and my heart lifted when I heard him say my name. So he remembers me too, and I have to admit that I was also relieved about that.

"It's been a very long time, Doctor, but it's nice to see you again." I broke into a bigger smile and greeted him with a little bow. It's been 7 years since my mom's death, so it's been 7 years since I saw him again.

He was the doctor who treated my mom in the past. He was the man I saw, sending my mom home a couple of times. He was the one I once thought my mom had abandoned me for. He was the same doctor I begged desperately to bring my mom back to life, even when she was already sleeping in her deathbed.

...

The doctor whose name I never knew (he was just called 'doctor' since day one) invited me to his office for a talk and I agreed. I told Jongdae to wait for me outside, and he was really patient with me - he didn't question further, believing that I would explain it all to him later. I have no secrets to hide from Jongdae anyway, only he has some hiding from me. Pshhhh.