I am NOT your fan | EXO CHEN

34. Dead fish

Song: Hann - (G)I-DLE ✨

'I erased your trace in my bruised heart. My heart is reflected in your familiar eyes, but it's so cold that you'll be surprised. Even if you come back, there's no place for you. It's done, I don't know you. I'll forget you, I'll erase you. Go away, don't even look back.'

⚡️⚡️⚡️

For a second, I thought I died or something.

When I regained my consciousness, I found myself lying peacefully on a couch, covered in a few layers of blankets. It put me at ease seeing that I was finally indoors again.

But where am I?

I took a quick scan of my familiar surroundings and tried to digest the reason I was here. It seemed like someone had brought me to a recording studio to rest...

Sehun?

I quickly shoved aside the thick layers of cloth and sat upright, browsing my sides to find my phone. Now that I'm back to my senses, a lot of questions were clouding my mind. Maybe I could get some answers from my phone. The hundreds of notification ringing me up at the rooftop just now were already raping me of curiosity.

It turns out that my phone was slipped between the cracks of the couch so I dug it out to check.

But, meh.

When I scrolled through the notifications and gave it several glances, I realized that the people who reached me were only checking on me out of nosiness. A loud sigh escaped my lips when I couldn't suppress the heavy-hearted feeling in me. I've gained so much attention from all my acquaintances because of the stupid rumored news.

I continued scrolling past the myriads of notifications, with every swipe scanning the content with disinterest. I slouched back on the couch to find myself comfortable back in it, but suddenly, the door opened. The intrusive sound startled me and I froze at the entrance of a person.

"It's just me," Sehun popped in, raising his hands as if he knew I would be stunned. I heaved another sigh, but this time it was a sigh of relief.

"Sehun-ssi," I greeted and watched as he settled in an office chair across me.

"Ask away," he said, and I put my unappealing phone aside, giving him my full attention.

"So... how... no, what happened?"

"It's exactly what you see now. You fainted, I brought you here without telling hyung, as you wished."

"He really didn't find out, did he?" I clarified.

Sehun shook his head assuringly.

"But why did you bring me here? Out of all places..."

"You don't remember? I was going to bring you to the hospital, but you told me not to. But hey, what the hell happened? You were ice cold! How long have you been out there?"

"I told you that...? Not to bring me to the hospital?" I asked timidly.

I didn't recall saying anything like that, but if I did subconsciously, I actually wouldn't be surprised. Until this day, I hated hospitals the most.

That horrendous place would only remind me of the day I crumbled while begging for my mother to come back to me. Back then, I was in my most desperate state to wish for her life, to wish I was given a second chance to treat her right. But it was too late.

I saw with my own two eyes how they covered her up with that big white sheet, from her shoulders, to her chin, past her eyes until her face was completely hidden under. The last glimpse of her in her deathbed, pale and robbed of soul wrecked me completely, and because of that, I still suffer from nightmares every once in a while.