I Feel Empty(Kim Namjoon)

Please help me

Down stairs, Hobi, Jin, Jungkook, now joined by Jimin and Tae, were sitting at the dining table. Wondering what Namjoon and Yoongi were talking about.

"I wonder what they're talking about."Jungkook said.

''Jin-hyung, why did Namjoon want to tell Yoongi, and you?"questioned Tae

"I don't know. He's told me so many things about himself. But now, it feels like I know nothing."Jin said stirring his tea.

"Namjoon-hyung has been through alot. He will surely tell you." Reassured Tae

"Jin, Namjoon has told you about his past, do you think, maybe if you feel comfortable, tell us about Namjoon. Since he never really opened up to us. Which, now  you think about it is strange. He tell all our problems to Namjoon, but he never tellers anything to us. Have any of you noticed that?" Hobi questioned.

"Honestly, I don't know. I know a lot about his past, from what he's told me. But there is so much more. And it's so much to take in. And--"

Jin paused for a moment, realizing what Namjoon goes through as a leader.

"Jin what's wrong? Why did you pause mid sentence?"Jungkook asked

"I think I know how Namjoon feels. As in being a leader. We come to him when somthing is troubling us, right?" Everyone nodded. "We tell Namjoon everything, and he always makes us feel better. But when it's him needing to tell us something that is troubling him, he stays quiet. Because he doesn't want to be a burden to us. He takes the pain away from us. But is left to suffer inside."

Everyone was shocked. They never noticed that. They were all now thinking of the countless times when they have told Namjoon their troubles, and he making them go away. But when it's Namjoon, he never talks. It really made the members think.

"I remember when me and Namjoon Hyung where home alone, "began Jungkook, "he looked tired, restless, and some what afraid. I asked him what was wrong, but all he said was 'I'm fine. Don't worry about it.' But he saw that I had a worried face, and asked if i was ok. I guess I was. I don't know. I was thinking about everything that at has happened over the past year or so. And it's been so intense. Not only for Namjoon but for all of us. And I guess I was thinking about, what if Namjoon did die. Where would we be now? Would we still be together. Would we still be Bts?  Those thoughts  were just running through my head. And it's just to must to much to handle."

At this point everyone was in tears. Thinking about life without their leader. Life without each other.

____________

Yoongi just stared at Namjoon. Not knowing what to say to his crying leader.  How could he know. Everything Namjoon was telling him was.. was so powerful. It was scary. Scary to think that anyone could ever go though such horrible, horrible things as a child, and still be traumatized by it. It broke his heart.

"Namjoon, let me look at your arms."

"Wh-what? Wh-why"

Even though Namjoon had only small cuts on his arms. He had many of them. And they call came together making some worth of message.

"Namjoon, please. Let me look at your arms."

Namjoon was scared, but he was going to have to show his arms one way or another. 

He gave his left arm to Yoongi. He pulled us his sleeve. And show lots of of little tiny cuts. Some were from the previous time when namjoon was in the hospital for his eating disorder. But the recent cuts,  made some sort of  a message.

'Kill me now. They all want me dead'

Yoongi saw the cuts. And message. It was hard to read but since it  was written in English. And there were blood stains on Namjoon's arm.  But he knew it was anything but good.

"Show me your other arm."

Namjoon gave Yoongi his right arm. His right arm still had fresh blood still coming out of the little cuts.

"When was this?"Yoongi asked pointing at one of the cuts on Namjoon's right arm.

"I did it before I went to the living room with you and Jungkook."

"Why?"

"Because, I called one of my ex's. And she told me that she didn't know why I chose to stay alive. I was mad, and she hung up. I grabbed a razor that was in a shoe box under my bed, and started cutting. I grew tired of it, and went to the living room with you and Kookie. And you know what happened from there."

Yoongi sighed. He didn't know what to say to him. Namjoon needed help. Serious help. It was only a matter of time before something bad happens again.

"I want this to stop. I want it call to stop. I need help, Yoongi. I really need it. I want it all to stop. Please make my demons stop hurting me."