I Feel Empty(Kim Namjoon)

I miss

The next morning everyone woke up with a hangover from last night. How they got home nobody knows. But at least their home safely.

"Uggh. My head. What happened last night. "Moaned Hobi

"I don't know. We went for drinks, and I remember something funny happened, but I forgot what" yawned Jungkook.

"My head. Why are you talking so loud? Please stop talking so loud. Yoongi make then stop talking. My head. "Whined Jimin

"Guys shut up"Yoongi said going back to sleep

"I remeber what happened." Said Jin. "And it was funny"

"What happened"asked Hobi

"Jungkook take out your phone, open your camera roll, and look at the video."Namjoon instructed

"Video? What video. Oh wait this one?"he asked clicking on the video

The video started to play. It showed everyone drinking, Hobi dancing and Jungkook started sticking his tongue out, it also got a little bit of Namjoon twerking with Yoongi.

Then they heard a loud bang noise.

"Ow. My head"they all whined

"Hahaha.!! That's what you get for drinking too much yesterday."yelled Tae

"Didn't you drink too?"asked Jungkook

"Yeah, but I only had half a beer. And I'm surprised Jin-hyung has hangover, he only had wine."

"Fuck you. Now your never going to be in a Cypher." Namjoon teased

"Jeez, I'm sorry."said Tae sarcastically. "Big baby"

"What was that?"yelled Namjoon

"Nothing" laughed tae

_____________
( a couple hours later)

Namjoon was in his room. Looking for his notebook.

"Its been a while since I've written anything in here" Namjoon said looking through the pages.

He started missing the days that he would do stuff to himself, and no one would care. He grabbed a pen and started writing.

      "I feel fat. I miss the days when I would be able to 'eat' in my room. But actually throw the food away. Or maybe chew it but not swallow. I miss those days. The good old days. I miss the days when i could  just cut my wrist. I miss the feeling of all of it. I miss the feeling of blood coming down my wrist. I miss being able to cry when I wanted to. I miss the days when I was depressed. I miss the days that led up to my eating disorder. I miss my mental health. Yeah, I know. I sound crazy but I feel happy being depressed. I miss being able to cry when I listen to sad songs, which makw me feel sadder. Which I was fine with. I just miss those days. To me nothing in the world really even matters. Everthing something. Everything's nothing. My suicidal, depressed, mental health days.
     I eat eating. Yes I still do. I wish I could just go back to the days when I could just starve myself. I was happy then. I wish that nobody ever found out about me being depressed or cutting my self. If they didn't I would still be happy. Or dead. Which ever one came first. I know I'm crazy, but for the year of my depression, and feeling like shit. I felt happy. I felt empty. I guess that's how I felt. I still miss feeling like this. I wish I could still cut myself . I still do. But small cuts. And ever so often I do them. Only when I need to. I some times wonder how long I will be able to keep this up. I wonder....''

Namjoon stoped writing. He couldn't write any more. He closed his notebook, set his pen down, and started crying. He layed down on his bed. He face, facing his pillow.

"I just want my demons to stop. I just want them to stop haunting me"