Cold Hearted (Kris Bryant)

Cold Hearted

A happily ever after isn't everything working out the way you wanted it to. It isn't getting everything you ever asked for or everything bad in your life disappearing. Our problems never truly disappear. There's always a part of us that is hurting for whatever reason and sometimes we don't realize it, but we never forget. Things can't un happen to you, therefore I don't believe that a happily ever after m comes from simply moving on. Happiness doesn't derive from having no problems. It also doesn't mean that everything is how you wished. Happiness is a unexplained reason to smile. A reason to want to wake up in the morning. A deeper meaning to who you are and why you do what you do.

What people actually want isn't a happily ever after, it is euphoria. They want a giant house and a perfect family and enough money to spare. Maybe some nice cars and a pool with a slide. They want to be known for whatever it is they know they're good at, to be recognized for whatever it is their heart chose. But euphoria is a state of mind, it's something so ridiculous and unobtainable that people don't realize it. That's not a happily ever after. 

A happily ever after is real, and nothing has to end for you to have it. It's not a destination but a journey to find yourself, who you are and why you are this way. It's not always pretty, sometimes it's rarely pretty. But those problems soon become motivation and a reason to find that happiness. It's all a part of the process to find out what true happiness is, nothing that could fit in your hand or even see with you eyes. You feel it, and you will never forget that feeling.

This is a story about my happily ever after. My happily ever after is about love, true love that is. It's about how being happy isn't fixing all your problems or getting everything you've ever wanted doesn't fix a broken life. It's about learning to live with your problems and changing, no matter how scared you get. It's about overcoming the highest mountains, swimming in the hardest waters. There's no white horses or elegant balls in my story, I wouldn't mind a fairy god mother but that wasn't the case. The only good thing I had working for me was love.

For the longest time I was called cold hearted. And I defiantly was. I wanted no happiness, no friend, nothing. I wanted to simply exist until I found out a reason I was put through so much crap. I had been through so much that my heart turned frozen. That way it couldn't break anymore, but it also meant I couldn't love either.

It takes a special guy to melt a frozen heart. Someone who is kind and relentless. Someone who can look deep inside a girl like me and see that she is dying for someone to love her regardless of what she tells him. Charlie Sheen once said "the best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one." I'm living proof that that is mostly true. But there's always that one special person where your rules don't apply to them. That no matter how hard you fight you cannot beat the feelings you're having out of yourself. They're there for a reason and they will make themselves heard until you let that light in your life melt your heart.

I didn't want to become a cold hearted bitch, but I did. And I wore it proudly. I thought I had to be tough in order to make it, in order to be strong for the one person in this world who still cared about me. But it turns out the only thing better than being cold hearted is being loved.