Behind Her Innocence (Hughes Series)

Chapter 7: Regrets

Tumayo na ako after I wiped my mouth using the table napkin.

"Oh san ka pupunta?"

"Babalik na ako sa office."

"Diba sabi ng kuya mo ihahatid kita?" He smirked at me after he said that.

"Kaya kong maglakad mag isa." I rolled my eyes at him. As if it was a pleasure to be with him.

"Alam ko. Sasabayan lang naman kita."

I was pissed. Ang kulit kasi. Hindi ba niya nahahalata na ayoko siyang makasama? He was really insensitive.

"Pwede ba, Aaron. Sabi ko na sayo dati na kakausapin mo lang ako if tungkol sa trabaho ang sasabihin mo. Saka hindi porket close na kayo ni kuya ay pwede kana agad sumabay sa aming kumain. We are still your bosses so please show some consideration."

"Ayan galit kana naman. Ang high blood mo." He laughed like he was making fun of me. 

"Ewan ko sayo. I'm leaving," sabi ko saka kinuha na ang purse ko at lumabas na.

"Gwen, wait up!"

He was fast kaya naabutan niya ako at kahit mabilis ang hakbang ko ay nasasabayan niya parin ako. Mas lalo akong nainis.

"Grabe talaga ang galit mo sakin. Nahahalata ko na. Hindi kaparin nakaka-move on."

Hindi ko siya pinansin and continued crossing the street to the building. He could laugh all he wants. I don't effin care!

"Alam mo, Gwen. Pwede parin naman natin ibalik ang dati eh. I am still single. Single karin naman. We can be—"

I faced him angrily. "Shut up." Saka mas binilisan ko pa ang lakad. Nakapasok narin ako sa wakas sa loob ng building.

"Gwen, gusto parin naman kita. Look, you know we need each other. We both know how to make each other happy. Yun naman ang reason bakit naging tayo noon, diba? We can still be like that again but of course this time, no marriage involve. We learned from it, right?"

I was taken aback nung nagsara ang elevator at kaming dalawa lang ang nasa loob. He pressed something that made the elevator stop from moving.

"I will be the happiest if we will be together again. I can make you happy. You don't need to avoid me every time, Gwen. Just tell me that you still want me, and I will be glad to be your guest."

My jaw clenched. I was trying very hard not to punch him right now.

Before, I liked it when he talked like that to me. But I have matured now. Hindi na ako kagaya noon. It took time for me to realize those mistakes I had made. Bata pa kasi ako noon at masyadong mapusok. Madali akong magpadala sa damdamin. So I don't blame him if he thinks na kagaya parin ako noon. Kasalanan ko din because hinayaan ko siya na tratuhin ako ng ganun. Pero kung akala niya na kagaya parin ako ng dati, nagkakamali siya.

"Gwen, so ano? Gusto mo ba?"

I faced him. Looking at his eyes, I could see the desire and wanting for something. I hate to look at him. He reminded me of all the foolish things I did in the past that I regret a lot. I was young and dumb.

Aaron and I liked each other a lot back then. We started from staring at each other hanggang sa lagi na kaming nagme-make out pero hanggang doon lang ang kaya kong ibigay kahit mahal ko na siya nun. I told him that I want a marriage before I give myself to him, and he did offer me a marriage na kinatuwa ko. I asked him if he loves me to marry me. Sabi niya ay mahal niya daw ako kaya mas lalo akong natuwa.

We both got married without our family knowing about it. We were scared. I was scared because we were so young. As days, weeks and months went by, my love for him grew bigger. I did everything to make him happy. I gave him my all.

Later on, I found out that he was just using the marriage label para gamitin ako, para punan ang pangangailangan niya. He made me believe that he loved me. But the truth was, he was just doing it mainly for himself.

Nung nagsawa na siya at nagkaroon siya ng opportunity abroad, he just left me. I hated it because hindi man lang siya nagpaliwanag bakit mas pinili niyang umalis at iwan ako, kung bakit ganun lang kadali sa kanya to leave me. The only thing he said was sorry, and that broke me into pieces.

After all those years of hurt, I matured, I grew up, and I became stronger. I had to. Lalo na sa mga pinagdadaanan ko na sobrang hirap —things that I never thought that could happen to me.

"Gwen..." He was about to hold my face but I slapped his hand away.

"Don't you dare touch me," madiin na sabi ko sa kanya.

"But you're crying."

Biglang umamo ang mukha niya at nawala ang palangiti at playful na aura niya kanina.

Hindi ko napansin na umiiyak na pala ako kung hindi niya sinabi. Naalala ko kasi ang mga katangahan ko dati. Tapos he's asking me na magpakatanga ulit ngayon? No way!

I had been through a lot just by loving him. I suffered due to the consequences of my actions and wrong decisions. I thought he was worth risking for, but he was not. He was a big mistake of my past.

I was wrong to choose him. Our relationship was wrong.

We started our relationship for a wrong reason, so it ended without a definite reason. It was my biggest nightmare.

I risked things para sa kanya tapos iiwan lang niya ako ng ganun lang. I was ready to confront my dad and introduce him that time kahit takot na takot ako pero gusto ko paring gawin para maging malaya na kami ni Aaron. I did not want our relationship to remain as a secret. Pero bago ko pa man masabi kay dad ay iniwan na niya ako. What hurts me the most was that, he was acting like what we had was not that special for him to leave me that easily. Ako lang pala ang nagmahal sa relasyon namin.

I looked at him with so much hate. It was his fault because he dared to bring up that issue. He reminded me of all the pain. I was so hurt up to this day, and it felt horrible.

"I hate you! Hinding-hindi na ako magpapakatanga ulit sayo. I hate you so much na ang tanging gusto ko nalang ngayon ay mawala ka na sa buhay ko. I can't wait na umalis kana sa companya ko at pati narin sa buhay ko completely," I said in a controlled temper but fierceness was evident in my voice.

I harshly wiped the tears that escaped my eyes because he was not worth crying for. I turned to the elevator controls and pressed the open button. I felt so suffocated inside and out that all I wanted was to be so far away from him.

When the elevator opened, I walked out. I walked away from him.

30 May 2018
Miss Kae 💋