We Don't Have a Choice (Killing Me Slowly Sequel) Lapidot AU

Chapter 22

-one month later-

A month... it has been a whole month since I last saw Lapis Lazuli. My eyes felt heavy. I haven't slept for a while - I stopped counting. I sat on the front steps of Steven's beach house deck, looking out into the evening breeze. The stars were peeking through slightly, and I looked up at them. My head was throbbing, and my hands felt cold. "You've been having a lot of those lately..." I heard Pearl's voice approach behind me. I slightly turned my head, side-glancing her.

"Been watching me?" I asked in a husky voice, pulling a cigarette away from my lips. She takes a few steps forward. "I always have a cig here and there, but you've been going through packs like nobody's business, Peridot." she replied. "I dunno what you're talking about..." I mutter, looking back up at the stars. "Um... how... are you... doing?" she asked in a timid voice. "Fine. I've been great actually." I lied. All I do is lie to them about my feelings now, because one day, I hope that they won't be lies anymore... they'll just be the truth.

"You really need to cut back on those." she said. I looked down at the cigarette, then I turned to look at her. I dug the tip of it into the sand and flicked it away from me. "I'm getting a beer." I stated, walking past Pearl. "You've had a lot of those lately too, Peridot." I rolled my eyes and groaned, giving her a stare. She just stared back, crossing her arms. I noticed that my temper had shortened as well, causing me to lash out more often at people. Whether it be Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Steven, or even Pumpkin. I balled my fists and grunted, deciding to go for a walk instead. I felt Pearl's eyes all the way until I was out of her sight.

I kicked a nearby can across the area, and looked over at the ocean. I felt my heart ache as the waves washed over the shore so peacefully, and the beautiful blue color of the sea gleamed thanks to the moon. I hadn't realized I was crying until my visor fogged up and I grumbled. I took it off and looked at it, trying to clean it. Nothing was really helping, causing me to growl in response. I shoved it in my pocket and roughly rubbed my eyes, sniffling. I felt the temperature of my face rise, and I tried to take a few deep breaths.

I hadn't even bothered to call Lapis this whole time, because I already knew she wasn't going to answer. She's not like that. I know her. God I miss her so much. I sniffled again, and wiped the tears from my face. I'm a mess without her. I pulled out my phone and checked the time - 10:34 PM. I pulled out my earphones from my back pocket and decided to listen to some music to get my mind off of it. I played it on shuffle and sat in the sand, resting my chin in my hand.

The hard part always seems to last forever...

Sometimes I forget that we aren't together,

Deep down in my heart I hope you're doing alright...

I started writing in the sand, beginning to quietly sing to the lyrics.

But I'll keep your number saved, 'cause I hope one day you'll get the sense to call me,

I'm hoping that you'll say you're missing me the way I'm missing you...

So I'll keep your number saved 'cause I hope one day I'll get the pride to call you,

To tell you that no one else is gonna hold you down the way that I do...

I felt my foot start tapping to the beat and my head slightly bobbing. I looked behind me to make sure Pearl wasn't watching, and reached into my pocket. I pulled out another cigarette and a lighter. I put the cigarette in between my lips and carefully lit it, and put the lighter back into my pocket. I continued slightly bobbing to the music, blowing out a puff of smoke as I removed the cigarette. I then started singing to it louder, getting into it.