What More Could I Want (Book #1) AOT Fanfiction *COMPLETED*

Breakdown

The funeral was all black clothes and white waxy faces, every one of them with puffed red eyes. I believe if they truly knew the man beneath the bonny face they'd be kicking dirt on his coffin with glee. Not me though. I knew the old bastard and I cared for him anyway. This world can't be all cream tea and scones, someone has to take out the trash. King Fitz took it all on and now he's at peace. 

I'm the very last one at the gravesite. He has a carved stone over his freshly filled hole in the ground. I run my fingers on the cold stone that will stay here along with the past kings and nobles who never got to see what the world was like on the outside. A strong smell of pine and smoke hits me. I sigh, glancing up. "Nile, I don't need a bodyguard everywhere I go."

The commander reveals himself with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his dress pants. He was front row with Erwin and Pixis during the funeral, all three of them dressed as the commanders the public believes they should be every day. "Erwin was worried about you so he asked me to make sure you made it back alright," he tells me. This baby is going to be the death of me. I don't need eyes on me all the time. It becomes annoying. If he didn't want me to be alone, he shouldn't have left. Instead, he left me with one of the biggest jerks the inner wall has to offer. I look back down at the gravestone. "The Scouts... They departed ten minutes ago."

I nod slowly. "I heard the gates," I reply. Hange suggested they depart at sunset since Titans are weaker without sunlight. He believes this will make the trip a bit easier. The only problem is the navigation in the night. They don't have eyes or ears like mine. They have light supply but there are still opportunities for failure. There's nothing for if they switch to maneuvering gear. "Who's on the wall?"

"Garrison." I hear him take a few steps toward me. "Saichi, are you sure you're okay? Isn't this-"

"My first time being inside the walls during an expedition? Yes. I fought down to my white meat since I joined this stupid division. I have always been beside Levi. Now, he's out there alone."

"He's never alone when he's going outside the wall. You, yourself, know that."

I feel a hot tear stream down my face. I'm not sure what I'm so emotional about. Whether it's the king being dead or the possibility of Levi not coming back to me because I'm not out there to protect him. "When it comes to people outside of me, Levi will always feel alone. He has so many people there to care for him and ability to love him but he won't let them."

"Isn't that how you are?"

"I know how to let people in now. Levi can't. He lets his guard down around me and only me. I know he can do it." I look up with more tears escaping my eyes. "Don't you, Nile? Don't you think Levi can learn to love again if time goes on? If we just give him a little more time, he can be someone with actual emotions for other people?"

Nile shrugs. "Maybe, just maybe. But-"

"But how much more time does he really have anymore? What if he doesn't come back tonight?"

"Saichi-"

"He will never know what it's like to love someone without romance being involved! He won't get to hold his own baby because of his duty, because that stupid cause we're all endlessly risking our lives for!" Nile uses only five steps to bring his strong arms around me. I'm falling apart. Just what the hell is this baby doing to me? I grabbed the back of his jacket, sobbing. "I'm scared, Nile. I'm so scared to lose him."

"I know, Saichi."

My entire is trembling while the tears come without my permission, nonstop. I have never hugged Nile, nor have I ever felt the need to. At this moment, I have never wanted him to hold me more than I do right now. This man is a father. He must know what this is like. Nile holds my head up, holding me by my cheeks. This is the first time I've seen this kind of look in Nile's eyes, especially looking at me. His eyes are soft, sympathetic and understanding.