Triphilia - the third time has it's charm | book 3 | Scomavi

Chapter 20

"Mitch? How are you feeling about brunch tomorrow before we leave?" Avi asked. He was sitting on the patio with Mitch, drinking coffee. Their parents were out to do some grocery shopping and Scott was spending time with his family.

Mitch shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know..." 

Avi sighed. "You didn't want to go out for anything on Friday and we only got you out yesterday to go over to the Hoyings and hang out at their pool with everyone" He stated. "What is wrong, Mitchy?" 

"I'm just not feeling it, Avi, that's it" Mitch returned, looking down onto his hands. 

"Love, why are you uncomfortable?" Avi asked softly. 

"I just don't want to go out, because..." Mitch shrugged his shoulders. "I get anxious thinking about it..."

"Anxious?" Avi looked at his boyfriend and it hurt him to see him so lost. "Come here?" He asked and padded his lap.

Mitch nodded and sat down on Avi's lap, welcoming the comfort of his strong arms. "In which way do you feel anxious? Is it a full on anxiety attack or...?"

"No, but I am sure that I'll have an attack when I'm out and... people recognise me... or us" Mitch said meekly.

"So you're scared of having an anxiety attack?" Avi concluded.

"You could say that..." Mitch said. He looked up from where he was snuggling up against his chest. "I just... I'm scared."

Avi raked his fingers through Mitch's hair. "I understand that you are, but we need to find a way to help you, don't you think? I mean we're going go home tomorrow, we'll have to be in public for that and we need to make sure you're comfortable" he said softly.

"I don't know..." Mitch shrugged his shoulders.

"Mmhm..." Avi hummed. "Do you have like... a clue what could trigger a anxiety attack?"

"Definitely. I had a bad dream last night. Not a full out nightmare, but it wasn't nice either. I don't remember everything, but we were out and paparazzi were following us everywhere. People were looking and talking behind our backs. It was horrible" Mitch explained. "I don't want this to happen. To me, what we have is everything and I would hate for people to be horrible to us."

Avi listened closely and tried to make sense of his boyfriend's words. "I understand exactly what you mean and where you're coming from, Love" he said. "I fear that, too..." 

"But it doesn't seem to affect you the way it affects me... I hate it that I am always the one to be not able to function because of something that is all in my head" Mitch said. He sighed softly. "I'm sick of it."

"Shh..." Avi leaned down to peck the top of his head. "It does affect me, Mitch. Don't think it doesn't. It's just different for me, because we are different. But it is not your fault. It's just the way your beautiful brain works."

Mitch shrugged his shoulders. "I know, but... I just want it to stop. I feel like it's always coming back. I've been okay for so long. I mean, it's there, especially the social anxiety, but I have my coping strategies for that, it's manageable. But this right now, is just so much."

Avi soaked up the words and thought about them, about how he could help Mitch, but he just "didn't know what to say or to do. "Mitchy... I wish I could do something about it..."

To that, Mitch just smiled. "But you're already doing something, Love. You're here, you're listening. There are problems even you cannot solve." He leaned up and kissed Avi's lips softly. "I don't know, maybe I should try to schedule a last minute appointment with my therapist, preferably before we are at Jimmy Kimmel..."