Rumours Only Grow [Jamilton]

Scene Nineteen {Thomas}

Samuel Seabury Isn't Actually As Scary As I Thought. 

Samuel entered the bathroom, taking one look at the scene in front of him before he began giving out orders. That was very unlike him, so I figured he had to have some passion for fixing the problems of others. "Alexander, Thomas will take you down to the nurse to rest for a while and get some medicine to help you feel better. Thomas, after you do that, go wash up and then come to my room. I'll be waiting with some tea." 

"Bu-" Alexander began in protest. He probably didn't want to be alone with me after what happened in the cafeteria. 

"No, no. Do what I said and we'll all benefit." Samuel insisted. He was persistent, now that I took a moment to benefit. 

I did as Samuel said after he left us in the bathroom, helping Alexander down to the nurse. I tried to start conversation multiple times throughout the journey, but Alexander kept pushing me away. I felt hurt. I was confused why we had gone from being friends that could talk to each other with no issue to strangers that can't have a normal conversation. Whatever John said, it must've made Alexander hate me. This only made my heart ache as I began thinking about the way it was before. Alexander was going to go back to his former ways, and I would have to swallow my pain and do the same. I'm an exceptional actor, so I wouldn't have any visible problems with it. 

I was shaken from my thoughts from Samuel setting down a tea cup in front of me. "Oh, thank you." I tried to smile, but it became a grimace.

"No problem, Thomas." Samuel nodded, sitting across from me in his chair. "You're troubled, I assume? About Alexander's behavior in the cafeteria? I would expect you to be more talkative, being friends with Alexander and all."

"No, we're opposites there." I shook my head. "I don't really like talking too much. I might make a fool of myself."

"So you're insecure? I wouldn't expect that, seeing as everyone talks about how arrogant and overconfident you are." Samuel raised an eyebrow.

"You could say I'm insecure, I suppose." I shrugged, taking a sip of my tea. "But my arrogance and confidence is fake. Do you know what people would say if they knew what I thought of myself?"

Samuel was silent, looking at me as he waited for what I assumed people would say. 

"I'm ungrateful for the amazing life I have. I have money. I have a future all set out and ready for me. I have no reason to worry about how I look, or what people think of me. There are people with far worse lives out there. Or that I'm just seeking attention. I get that a lot, as a theatre kid. I'm just looking for someone to pay attention to me, but one person isn't enough. I have to have everyone's eyes on me. So I decide that it's a good idea to make up how I feel about myself." I rambled on slightly. It felt good to do that; it must've really been nagging me. 

"Well, Thomas, the way I see it, there's always going to be people saying things like that." Samuel hummed. "You do have money and a future planned for you. So they're partially correct."

I opened my mouth in shock, getting ready to stammer out an apology for being in the wrong. 

Samuel held up a hand to silence me. "I only said partially, Thomas. You don't have a reason to worry, but it's perfectly okay for you to. You aren't attention seeking. In fact, according to the video from that Tuesday people were addicted to a week or so back, you're trying to avoid too much attention." He let out a light chuckle. "You seem a little overwhelmed with worry. You can always talk to me, you know?" 

"I can?" I had never had someone tell me so forwardly that I could talk to them. Of course, James and Aaron were always there for me, and Alexander was at that point before he just pushed me away in the cafeteria. However, none of them had ever told me that I could talk to them anytime. 

"Of course." Samuel smiled. "I don't see why you wouldn't be able to. Is there anything that's made you feel this way?"

"Well, yes." I nodded. "My parents have always found emotions as a weakness. Therefore, we are forbidden to talk about them. That is, unless you want a smack, your eardrums to be blown out, and a lecture."

Samuel's eyes widened. "Is it really that bad, Thomas?"

I bit my lip slightly. "Yes, it's pretty bad. To be honest, I can't remember the last time I've just... cried." I let out a shaky breath. "Jeffersons aren't supposed to cry. I feel like doing it sometimes, but I just have to suck it up and move on."

"So you've been bottling up your emotions?" Samuel let out a heavy sigh, picking up his tea cup again one last time to finish the beverage. "That's probably why you're so overwhelmed. Next time you feel like you want to cry, you should. It'll make you feel so much better in the long run. Believe me."

I hesitated before a grateful smile appeared on my lips. "Thanks. I really appreciate the advice."

Samuel grabbed a Bible from his coffee table after setting down his tea cup. "No problem. I have a spare Bible here, if you'd like to read with me a little."

"Of course. I haven't been to church since..." I paused. "I don't remember when. But maybe it'll help me feel a little better about this whole Alexander situation, you know?"

"Absolutely." Samuel stood, walking over to his bookshelf and returning with a Bible. "I think starting with Genesis is always the best way to go. What do you say?"

I took the Bible. "I say yes."

END SCENE NINETEEN