Random Sanders Sides Stuff

Family

TW: suicide, mentions of self-harm, heavy angst, depression, mentions of violence, mentions of blood. Let me know if I missed anything.
Virgil's P.O.V.
The worst part was, they thought I wouldn't remember, but I did.
Okay, I should probably explain. I had ended up committing suicide. I had hung myself, and died. I formed again, and everyone has thought that I would forget everything, but I didn't. I even remembered dying, and the weight of those memories weighed me down. They all called me Anxiety, since the new me hadn't revealed my name yet.
I was sitting in the common room, re-watching the Sanders Sides episodes. I had just gotten to the first one I was ever in, when Patton called out to me.
"Hey kiddo! Watcha watching?" He asked with fake cheeriness. I just held up my phone for him to see.
"Oh, kiddo, please don't take that to heart, we-" I cut him off.
"I'm not. I'm just rewatching the series." I was a lot more emotive now, at least, before I died that is. Logan was a lot more emotive in the first episodes though.
"Oh. Okay." (just fyi, this takes place about a month after the Crofters Musical episode, so around current time, and it's been a week since he died)
He walked off. I hated the way my eyes showed how terrified I was when I said that I'd like to see him try to get rid of me. Patton probably felt guilty. I had heard him talking to Thomas about how it was morally wrong to try to get rid of me, and on camera too, after that episode. I felt the familiar tugging of Thomas summoning us, and I sank down.
"Anxiety, is what Logan told me true? Did you really-Are you really-did they find you-did you end up... killing yourself?" I didn't want to lie and say I didn't remember, but I didn't want to let on that I did remember.
"Yes." I say simply, trying to sound disinterested.
Roman sobbed. "How can you be so nonchalant about this? You died! You left us!"
I wish I didn't remember. I wish I didn't have to hear this pain. I wish I wasn't still semi-conscious while they read my note, while they found my body. I wish they had been there to stop me, that someone had answered when I screamed at the top of my lungs, when I had yelled "help!" No one came, no one saved me from the depression that took control of my body, that forced me against my will to make a noose. But I was in full control as I kicked away the chair. Because if no one cared enough to answer my literal screams, then no one would care if I died.
"So you won't even answer us now?" I hadn't realized I had zoned out. Stuck in my own thoughts.
"He is still Anxiety. He is most likely too anxious to answer." Logan said on my behalf. "And let's not forget that he doesn't remember anything that we're talking about."
How could they assume like that. If they had just asked, I would've told them. But they assumed I didn't remember, and never bothered to ask if that assumption was correct. And there was no way I was going to be the one to bring that up. I just sank out.

A few hours later I was having another panic attack, and went to the on my person who I knew wouldn't turn me away. Thomas.
Thankfully he was alone. I just sat down on the couch and curled into a ball.
"Are you okay V-Anxiety?" I couldn't take it anymore.
"Virgil." I said, hoping he would understand.
"What?"
"Call me Virgil. I told you my name for a reason." I said, hoping he would realize I remembered.
He didn't. "Oh. The sides told me you rewatching the series. I didn't know you had gotten that far yet."
"No! If they had just asked, they would understand. But noo, they had to just assume I wouldn't remember, and like Logan said, I'm still Anxiety, so there was no way I was bringing it up. They have to live with the memories, but so do I. I have to remember dying, remember shouting at the top of my lungs for help, before he took over my body. I wasn't in control when I made the noose, but I sure as hell was when I kicked away the chair." After finishing, I just sobbed into his shirt. No one understood. No one cared. That's why I died in the first place, but that's didn't mean that it didn't still hurt. In fact, it made it hurt even worse. And the thought made me cry harder. Thomas stayed silent.

Thomas's P.O.V.
I was sitting on the couch, still processing everything that happened today. I couldn't get his face out of my mind. The face he made when Logan said he couldn't remember anything. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he was too scared. Too Anxious probably. Big surprise there. Suddenly, Anxiety popped up and curled up on the couch. I knew what was happening, he was having a panic attack.
"Are you okay V-Anxiety?" I asked. I saw something in his eyes when I almost was his name. Something like... hope?
"Virgil." He said. Now I was confused. Why would he open up to me so quickly this time?
"What?" I asked, still confused.
"Call me Virgil. I told you my name for a reason." He said it so hopefully, maybe he remembered? But no, I couldn't get my hopes up.
"Oh. The sides told me you rewatching the series. I didn't know you had gotten that far yet." I said instead. When I said that, he looked so done.
"No! If they had just asked, they would understand. But noo, they had to just assume I wouldn't remember, and like Logan said, I'm still Anxiety, so there was no way I was bringing it up. They have to live with the memories, but so do I. I have to remember dying, remember shouting at the top of my lungs for help, before he took over my body. I wasn't in control when I made the noose, but I sure as hell was when I kicked away the chair." Wait, screaming at the top of his lungs and no one came? Who was he? Why was he shouting? If he wasn't in control, then who was? And why did he kick away the chair when he was in control? He just sobbed into my shirt, while I held him. He must have been thinking about it too, because he started crying harder. Once he stopped crying I decided to ask him.
"What do you mean he? Who are they, and why were they in control of your body?" I asked slowly.
"Depression. I was screaming because he was there, trying to take control, to make me cut myself. He's done it before, and I knew I couldn't take him on alone. When no one answered, he fed off the sadness that it caused. I knew they were all in the common room, so there was no way they didn't hear me. If he feeds off you enough, he can take control of you, but he can't completely kill you. If no one cared enough to come when I screamed help at the top of my lungs, then they surely wouldn't care if I died. And they didn't even bother asking if I remembered anything." At the end he started crying again, and I just pulled him close. It was weird seeing him so vulnerable, and coming to me for help instead of the other sides. But if this was what happened, I don't blame him. Suddenly Patton appeared, and immediately joined the hug.
"It's okay kiddo, shh. It's gonna be alright." He said. He didn't notice how Virgil flinched when he touched him, or how he was shying away from Patton. Virgil just started crying harder at his words, moving away from Patton while still holding on to me.
"Patton, I don't think he wants you or any of the other sides here right now. I don't really think of would help. Sorry" I say, hoping he isn't upset by this. He seems to understand, and sinks out.
"Why don't they care?" Virgil asks, still crying.
"They do. They made an assumption, and that was wrong, but you should at least hear their side of the story. Maybe they left the common room before you screamed, so they couldn't hear you. I know, I would have a hard time trusting them too. But please, at least hear them out before you shut them out." I plead, and it seems to work.
"Okay." He says. "Give me a few minutes and then you can call them down."