Random Sanders Sides Stuff

Self-inflicted achromatic

TW:Brief mention of suicide, talk of wanting to die, self-deprecating thoughts, thinking that it would be better if you didn't exist, let me know if I missed anything. (Listen to the song as well, it'll tell you what this is about)
Virgil's P.O.V.
I look around at the other three. Patton's smiling, telling another dad joke, while Logan for once smiles at it, though still not laughing, and Roman laughs openly. I wish that I was like them, that I could be there and have them all smile at something with me, instead of just watching from the distance. Even though they 'accepted' me, I'm still not quite a part of the family, only the group. I imagine Patton calling me over, all of us laughing together as we watch a movie. But in my head, I'm happy and light, like them. Even if it were to come true, like I've always dreamed, would the person they accept be the true me? When we were younger I always wished that this would happen, that I would get to play with them. But now that I'm more sensible, I know it's best I die, and for the sake of Thomas. I sink to my room, falling to the ground as the darkness crawls over me, consuming my very being, the thoughts I worked so hard to forget coming back.
But just by living I'm hurting them another day, they all cry because of my words, all I've ever done is ruin things. Nobody truly wants me, Thomas never needs me, the others will fill my roll perfectly. If only I could live in the kind of world I dreamed. I think back to when I ducked out. Just by leaving I helped them all, they all smiled, they were laughing at everything. Nobody is here to scream for me to not hurt myself like I need. I wish there could be a time with no one being mean to me, but things like that could never happen for me. The darkness slithers onto my face, and my eyes blink pitch black for a moment.
Every single day I've only made it by sleepwalking through, all insults feeling surreal, all happiness sure to dissipate. I've realized though, that like this I'll fade, until I'm no longer a side, not even existent in a subconscious level. It's for the best that I do, it will only help them all. I collapse to the ground as the shadows take over my arm, looking over at it as the color drains from my eyes once more.
Because just by living I'm nothing for another day. I feel the shadow substance leave marks on my face, as well as cover my feet. There are hundreds of people out there, never knowing me, not thinking I'm even alive. Nobody will ever want me, or need me. The darkness takes over my other arm. I cover my face, why would I wanna live in the kinda world I see? The dark is now coating my room, and I stand, rooted in place my the darkness holding my feet and arms. I hunch forwards as the thoughts, so true, get worse. Just by living I am no one, just for another day to pass me by. There are hundreds of lives I'll never change, in fact, I'll probably never change the lives of the other three, or even Thomas for that matter. I fall forwards onto my hands and knees, tears forming in my eyes. There's no one here to scream for me to stop, or to live. If no one was being mean to me, then could I have it all back in one piece?
But no. In the end we'll all fall to the ground again, over and over and never be able to get back up. In the end, the person they all made in me is breaking, and breaking, never for the pieces to be picked back up. In the end, I'm leaving it all again, over and over and over, never to wake from this nightmare. Tears are now freely streaming down my face, as my eyes remain the dull black, no color returning.
"Just by living I'm bringing you another day." Patton says, stepping forwards out of the doorway. I smile ever-so-slightly at the words that are so true, yet I've never managed to tell him "Why, just for me, can't you smile after everything?" He asks gently, giving a small, reassuring smile. The tears continue to flow down my face and I reach out, putting my hands on his shoulders. He brings me into a full hug, something I truly needed. I start to whisper.
"In the end, its' the smile you gave to me Dad, right when I wanted to give it all up. And I really wish that I didn't do all of it, the moments I just tried to die, to say goodbye forever." I admit, finally getting it off my chest. No one ever knew about my suicide attempts, so it's nice to finally let it go.
Yet still, by living I'm no one for one more day, I still don't affect their lives. I look down suddenly, my eyes going black once more. Patton turns to me, putting his arm around my shoulder and smiling encouragingly. But somebody is here to scream now, someone here is stopping me. Why can't I laugh it off the way that I dreamed?
Roman calls out to us, asking us to join the game. We walk forwards, Patton grabbing my hand for support, he really is like a dad to me. No one notices the shadows start consuming my hand again as I hold his, the room flickering dark for a split second.

Another update! Sorry for the quick break, I was out all day yesterday. Looking forwards to writing more!