Random Sanders Sides Stuff

Digging My Grave

Tw:Multiple deaths of the same character, blood, violence, lack of self-worth, wanting o die, extremely graphic first death, some swearing, let me know if I missed anything.

Virgil's P.O.V.
Okay, that's it, I'm done. I have endured day after day after day of insults from the people I care most about. They ridicule me, say my worries are nothing, tell me that all I do is hurt Thomas, that I'm worthless, that I should just die already. I even believe them, so what more do they want for me? There's only a few things I can do, most of which won't help my situation.
One, I could kill myself,* but that would put Thomas through a ton of grief as my emotions passed onto him before I stopped having any effect, plus I would  go through a load of physical pain. It would be nothing to the emotional pain I feel every day, but I'm not a huge fan of physical pain.
Two, I could just make myself fade,** slowly making my presence less and less known to Thomas, but that would also be extremely painful, and eventually they wouldn't remember me. Of course that will happen anyways, I'm not very memorable, but I want my death to be something they remember, so they can at least, for one final time, see the emotional pain they put me through before they forget about it, why would they remember me anyways?
And three, I could dig my own grave. Not in the metaphorical sense where I set up the situation for them to want to kill me, nor literally kill me, but actually grab a shovel and start digging into the earth so that they can drop me into it, I'll even let Roman slit my throat lightly so I bleed out and he gets to kill me, but it won't be something I did, just that I wanted him to. Surely he'll do me this one favor.
So it's decided. I summon a spade and start scooping dirt, right in Thomas's backyard. I get a solid three feet before anyone even notices, and by then I'm already almost done. I'm planning on making it four and a half feet so I'm not too close to the surface. Roman is the first to see me, followed by Logan and then Patton with Thomas. They watch as I make it to four feet, finally speaking.
"What the hell are you doing Anxiety? Making Thomas's life even more difficult I assume?" I shake my head, not looking up.
"Digging my grave to make it easier for you guys. You have your sword with you Roman?" I ask, glancing at him quickly before continuing to dig. They look taken aback, and he unsheathes it as I finish.
"Yes, why?" I step forward, dropping the shovel on the ground. I grab his sword gently, not taking it out of his hands though he still looks shocked and angry.
"Here, just do this" I guide his blade until it's against my throat. I look him in the eye, letting go "Just pull that across, right against my neck. Can this be your one favor to me?" I ask, a begging tone in my voice. He drops the sword, backing away. I frown, disappointed as they're all shocked beyond belief.
"No! I won't kill someone! That's disgusting! How dare you ask that of me?" He exclaims, the others nodding in agreement. I sigh.
"So now I'm a person? A someone? Not a monster? I though you were supposed to slay wretched beasts, to protect others. I suppose every hero has the one monster they can't kill." I say, picking up the sword. He backs away further, getting the others behind him.
"Don't-!" I cut him off with a low, humorless chuckle, making them freeze in their tracks.
"So you do think me a cruel beast. Nevertheless, it was expected. I suppose if you want a job done right you must do it yourself, as they always say. I just wanted you to have the satisfaction of killing the one you always wanted gone. I guess it's my turn to kill the one person I want dead more than anyone." Roman steps forwards.
"Fight fair then! I shall duel you if you truly want me dead! I-" I cut him off again, this time a more manic laugh, a crazed look in my eyes.
"No! I said the one I wanted dead since the moment they formed! Not someone who I only hated, but I hated and wanted dead!" I aim the sword at my gut, a genuine smile for the first time forming on my face "Myself!" I shout, smiling giddily as I attempt to plunge the sword into my chest. Roman runs forwards, taking his sword out of my hands.
"I'm not going to let you kill anyone!" He shouts, still not understanding "I'll kill you first!" I nod, a fake angry look on my face now.
"Then do! Because if you don't kill me now, I will kill someone, and there's nothing you can do to stop me! Even if it's the last thing I do!" I shout, bracing myself. He charges at me and I run straight at him, jumping happily into his sword. I laugh, coughing blood as I do so, until I'm practically drowning in it "Don't you see Roman?" I gurgle "The person that I was going to kill was myself. I wanted  to die, you wouldn't kill me so I wanted to do it myself, but you stepped in the way so I tricked you into killing me anyways. No matter what happened, or who won, I was going to die. I wanted to. Because of you guys I was driven to the point where I wanted me dead more than you did." My words are almost not English anymore, but I pretend I don't notice. I jump into my grave, lying down and summoning a single purple rose. As I choke on my own blood I see them staring in horror, I use my last breath to laugh gleefully, closing my eyes in peace.


*Actually, that might work. It would show exactly what I went through, and I would finally get the pain I deserved! I could even do it in front of the others! That's brilliant, I need to get started right away. I start writing my note, grinning madly the entire time. Who knew killing yourself cold bring such joy? I slow my hand, stopping my feverish writing in place of neat marks, so that they can actually read my final words. Once I finish I sink down, still smiling.
"Hey guys, I want to show you something. I know that you probably have no reason to trust me, honestly I don't blame you, but this is something I really enjoy and want to share with you guys. It won't hurt you, I promise." I say, holding up my hands to show that my fingers aren't crossed, flattening my toes just in case and keeping my legs as straight as possible. They nod after a moment and Patton speaks with a surprised smile.
"Sure kiddo, what do you want to show us?" I look to Thomas.
"Okay, this is going to sound weird, but it's in my room, it's the only place this works. So, uhh, just focus on troubling thoughts? If I knew of another way to get there I'd have you do that, but I don't, sorry." I say apologetically. He nods and his facial expression changes, worry flitting across his face as we all sink down.
We appear in my room and I stick my hands in my pockets anxiously, my eyeshadow increasing tenfold. They look at me in surprise as I fidget nervously, looking around at the darkness.
"Your room, upsets you?" Patton asks slowly. I nod.
"Well your room makes you emotional since you are emotions, right? Roman's makes him more creative, Logan's helps him work better?" They nod respectively "Well mine makes me more anxious. The more eyeshadow I have, the worse my thoughts are. Thomas's eyes widen in guilt and surprise.
"So all those times you eyeshadow darkened after you were insulted-?" Thomas cuts himself off, but I nod, finishing for him.
"-Led me to this, correct. On the couch behind you there is a note, you can read it in a moment, but just grab it now." I wait for him to do so "So I have with me something that I though would be an amazing gift." They stare as I take two razor blades out of my pocket.
"Why would we want blades kiddo?" Patton asks kindly, making me shake my head with a laugh, my eyes widening slightly.
"No, the blades themselves isn't the gift, what they're about to do is." I say, and without any further warning I slit my wrists, pressing and slicing with as much force as I can manage until I'm bleeding out, yet still I make more and more cuts until I drop the razors, unable to hold them anymore as they all watch in horrified shock. I gesture vaguely to the note "Read it." I slur out, my eyes twitching as my vision blurs, a wide grin on my face. He reads aloud my suicide note, horror growing more with each second. In my state I realize what's happening and do something I'm completely against, I take control of Thomas. I force him to sink out, saving himself and the other three from the effects of my room.I go back into my own mind, watching blearily as my grip on reality slips. I sit down, allowing my mind to connect with Thomas so I can be there for the few moments after my full death. I watch my body fall limp and suddenly Thomas is in immense emotional pain, curling up in a ball and backing away from the other three as they try to help, glancing in fear back at my body. I feel like I'm ripped from Thomas's body, but I still can watch as he pushes them away, muttering his thoughts.
"No, don't hurt me, I didn't mean to, I though this would help Thomas, I know he'll feel what I do, don't hurt me, I just wanted to help you guys, this is what I feel everyday, can't you see? This is what you did to me, this pain is one tenth of my daily feelings, but now its hurting Thomas, and you hate me more." He whimpers, and I realize he's muttering my thoughts out loud, not his, Roman Logan and Patton freeze in their places as the meaning of his words sink in. Suddenly Thomas springs up, carefree. He smiles at them with confusion.
"What are you so worried about? I can live free now! Oooh, I want a snack. I'll go get one, you guys can talk!" He grabs his food and returns "How about we sing some Disney! Oh, oh! Or I could have Joan finally actually run me over with his car for a video, a few people commented that they really wanted that to become real. I know! We can play a board game! Since we're bored? Eh? Okay, then we could just talk. Why do you not know adultery when I know it?" He points at Patton "How come you know more than I do?" He turns to Logan "And how do you know an entire other language than me?" He says to Roman. I smile, he's finally happy.


**Yeah, in reality that would be to everyone's best benefit. They wouldn't have to live with the memories of me, and I would get to die as close to painlessly as possible as a side. It's foolproof! I press my left hand to my right arm, closing my eyes and concentrating. When I open my eyes it's slightly transparent, and I do the same to my other arm. I continue with my chest, legs, head, neck, and pretty much any part of my body I can see. I smile as I feel lighter, ignoring my thoughts darkening to make up for Thomas's lightening.
I walk down the hallway to the kitchen, hiding my smile with a blank look. Roman comes up to me with a frown. I try not to flinch as he steps into my personal space, stepping forwards determinedly when I step back.
"What are you planning? Thomas was in the middle of panicking when most of his anxiety just vanished, so I know you're up to something. You wouldn't just do that for no reason." I shrug, glaring at him.
"You're right, I wouldn't, nor ever have, done that for no reason. The reason is that I actually care for Thomas, despite what you guys tell me every day. I've done it before too, you just think it's your influence that helps him. Notice how I'm never there? That anxiety has to go somewhere, and if it doesn't latch onto me it will attack all of you." I explain, turning away. He grabs my sleeve, but I don't turn around in time, causing him to pull it back.
"Like I'll believe you-what the hell is that?!" He exclaims, pointing at my arm. I snatch it away from him, pulling the sleeve back up and clutching it against my chest.
"None of your damn business Princey!" I growl, storming away. He stares after me in shock, before deciding it is his business after all. He runs after me, pinning my arm against the wall so I can't escape. Logan and Patton follow to see what the commotion is, stopping right in their tracks after they see my arm. At least my makeup covers my face.
"Yes, it is, until you tell me why your arm is see through!" He shouts, making me flinch back violently. He seems to freeze for a moment before acting as though nothing happened. I sigh, hanging my head.
"It's something that causes me pain and heals Thomas, all you've ever wanted." I say quietly, before ripping my hand out of his grip and sprinting into my room, unable to hold back the tears from falling any longer. I lock the door and rush up the stairs, sobbing into my bed. Of course they'd have to find out on the first day, of course.
After a few minutes I sit up, drawing a harsh breath. I look down at myself and close my eyes, focusing on every worry Thomas has ever had. Pulling them into me. I feel my own anxiety worsening as my body feels lighter until I can think of no more worries. I open my eyes and see that I'm almost completely see through, my skin barely visible, like someone simply put a piece of colored wax paper on completely clear glass and melted it on, a permanent design. I grab my foundation and start layering it on my hands, so that it looks more normal, and do a little bit of my arms, not bothering to go past the wrist since no one is going to see my arms in the video anyways, I know Thomas is about to do one. I guess they'll never know just how dark my bags really are, though I guess I could give Thomas back some of his worries just to show them. It would be a hard decision though. I sink down.
As I appear I put on my usual almost-blank expression, a slight hint of boredom in my eyes, though that is far from the truth. Roman stares at me in bewilderment, looking at my hands in anger. His anger radiates from him, his eyes showing a look that just says 'So you were too weak to go through with it?' I shake my head, letting out a quiet laugh, though there is no real joy in it.
"If only you knew." I mouth, turning back to Thomas with another blank expression.
"So today I though it would be nice to do what causes different kinds of worries, and how to ease yourself from them." I nod, happy that he seems carefree, but not reckless, I'd never want to leave him like that.
"That sounds fair, let's do this." I say in an emotionless tone, hiding my true excitement.
"Kiddo, after what happened earlier, do you really want to talk about how to basically destroy you again?" Patton asks in a quiet tone.
"Oh, this won't destroy me, only lift some of Thomas and I's worries from our minds." I say simply, once again turning back to Thomas.
"After what happened earlier? What are you guys talking about?" Thomas asks, concern in his tone and eyes. I quickly take it onto myself, not caring that I feel my own anxiety worsen.
"It was nothing, let's do the video, you seem to have a lot of motivation right now which is good." I say, trying to get him back on track. He shakes his head.
"No, I want to know about this." He says, looking to Patton. Roman sighs.
"Anxiety, would you care to pull back your sleeves, or will one of us have to do it?" If I wasn't transparent, I would've visibly paled, enough that my foundation seemed to get lighter. I shake my head.
"I'll do it." Thomas says, stepping forwards. I leap back, a fearful expression on my face.
"Have Patton do it! Logan or Roman! Just not you!" I exclaim fearfully as I jump onto the stair railing, making him step back with a hurt look on his face. I quickly try to explain "It's not because I don't like you Thomas, but do you really think touching the physical embodiment of anxiety will do anything except make you anxious?" I ask quietly, looking at him apologetically. He nods in understanding and Patton steps forwards. I wince and close my eyes as he pulls up my sleeve, gasping loudly. I carefully open my eyes, only to see my arm is even less visible than I made it on my bed.
"Kiddo! What happened?! What caused this?!" He shouts, making me back away further.
"I did. I know you guys hate me, so I'm making myself fade. To do that, I need to take all of Thomas's worries for myself." I say quietly, looking at my feet. Thomas gets worried and I look up in panic, before deciding it's time. I let his worries make my face visible again and snap my fingers, removing the makeup. They all gasp again and I concentrate on taking Thomas's anxiety from him, feeling myself become lighter than air itself. I stare down as it looks like nothing is holding my clothes up anymore, letting out a breathless laugh "Here you go guys, this is what you wanted!" I say happily, and the clothes collapse on the floor as I cease to exist.

Okay, so I have long come to the realization that I write mostly Virgil-centric oneshots. However, that does not mean this entire book is like that, if you have a request that is centered around another side I will happily make it, the only reason I make them like this is because most of the ideas I have fit with Virgil's character best. I will try to make some non-Virgil-centric stories in the future, but it might take a while to shift my mindset. Again though, I am happy to write anything you request if it is about another character, don't be afraid to ask.