à la folie (To Insanity)

Chapter 4- Jackson

Raven drops to her knees and buries her head in her hands. I almost regret taking her here before I remember she needs to know. Her walls fall away as I reach out to console her. She won't look at me but launches herself into my arms when I touch her arm. She's shaking, her sobs echoing off the stone walls of the room. I hold her there as she cries, the grief taking over her small body. She's choking on the tears as screams tear their way out of her throat. We sit here for a little under an hour before she goes silent. It happens slowly. Her head rests on my shoulder and I finally look down at her. She's still shaking, but the worst is over. Raven still won't meet my eyes. She's still breathing in stuttering gasps and her eyes are wild. I can see the storm she's struggling to suppress. When she lets loose again I pull her closer and hold her until she pulls away and looks up at me. 

Her eyes are bloodshot and her face is blotchy. She still has a wild look in her eyes, but it's not the same as before. Raven struggles to escape my arms and I let her go. She curls up on the floor and covers her head again. When the tears come, they come more slowly. I sit by her side until she calms down a bit more. I reach out my arms again and rock her until she falls asleep. Not knowing what to do with her, I stay in the room before it strikes me that she won't want to wake up in here. I don't want to tear her apart anymore, I'm not sure how much strain she can take. She wakes for a moment when I stand and pick her up, before resting her head on my shoulder and falling back asleep.

I nudge the door open and carry her back to her apartment. She's so small lying there, almost like a child. The thought makes me wish I could protect her more. I know what she's capable of though, so I turn and leave, shutting the door quietly. There is an empty feeling in me as I leave her behind, knowing she'd wake soon and the grief would engulf her again. My feet take me back to my apartment, trying to keep myself together. 

    I slam my door shut, sinking to the floor. This is my fault, I should have protected her better. None of this should have happened. I shouldn't have let her in, this is going to tear me apart. It feels so right to be with her though, it fills the empty space in my mind. We're together I feel whole like I wasn't before we found her. She does something to my mind, I can't think when I'm with her but I can only think about Raven when we're apart. I try to quiet the doubts swirling through my head, she has to survive this. My thoughts are interrupted by a quiet knock on the door, Angie must be here. I open the door to let her in. I immediately see the worry printed on her face, her eyes panicked. She speaks suddenly, telling me what happened.

“She's up. Jackson what did you do?”

“What do you mean what did I do? I told her what she needed to know, Angie!”

I am shocked at my anger. Angie is too, based on the way she looks at me. I follow them to Raven’s apartment. It's empty. Angie looks at me expectantly and I shake my head, I don't know where she is. I look around and notice that the jacket I had left in here the first day we got back is gone. 

“I think Raven went out, we need to find her.”

They nod in agreement and we set off, each of us going separate ways. The first few places I check are empty. She's not in the dining hall , or the training rooms. I finally go back to my room, not thinking that she'd be there. Raven is sitting in the hallway outside my door. When she sees me, she stands, using the wall to brace herself. I reach out and she is in my arms once more. All of the pressure from the last few hours falls away from my shoulders and I am only thinking about Raven. She is leaning on her good leg and I remember that she hasn't received full treatment for her leg. I rush Raven down the hall to the infirmary, when we enter the room she presses closer to me. Her eyes dart around the room, taking everything in. When Brianna, the head of medical personnel, walks over to us, Raven straightens, wincing slightly. Brianna reaches out to take her arm and Raven reluctantly goes with her, wrenching her arm out of Brianna’s grip. I rush over and offer my support to Raven when she stumbles. She pushes my arm away and limps over to collapse in a chair. I lift her up and notice she is lighter then she was when we first rescued her. Brianna brings us over to a table and I lie Raven down gently, staying by her head when Brianna goes to look at Raven’s wound.

“It's barely healing. You should have brought her over to me as soon as you returned.”

There is an accusative tone to Brianna’s voice as she chastises me about Raven. I don't want to tell her what Raven is, why she's different. Raven reaches out for my hand when Brianna fully unwraps her leg, revealing the full extent of the damage. I take her hand into mine and am struck by how frail she looks right now. The pain is getting to her and she clenches her jaw, trying not to scream. Brianna tries to go as quickly as she can without hurting Raven, but it's evident that this isn't going to be a quick in and out visit. I smooth her hair back from her face and notice she's hot. When I lie my hand on her forehead, it's feverish. Brianna notices my concern and walks over to check on Raven.

She tries to inject Raven with something for the pain, and Raven clenches her hand tighter around mine when she notices the needle. I take it from Brianna, gesturing towards Raven, and do the injection myself. She flinches when I press the point of the needle into her neck but the change is noticeable when the medication kicks in. Raven is more relaxed when I take her out of the infirmary, the medication working well already.She sleepily mumbles something and I lean closer to hear her.

“Don't leave me.”

I notice I'm taking her back to her room, and we turn to go to my apartment instead. Raven’s breathing heavily again and we stop not far from the door when she pitches forward. I catch her, barely, and carry her into my apartment for the second time this week. Her eyes are wide as I lie her down on the bed. I smooth her hair back from her face and sit on the edge of the bed as she drifts off once more.

When I wake, I am lying on the floor next to the bed. I'm not sure why I woke until I feel Raven breathing, her body pressed into mine. She pushes herself up to lean on her elbow, her brunette curls falling over her face as she turns to look down at me. I try to shrug off the lingering fear from my nightmare but it comes back when I look at Raven’s face. Than, I realize that she's still here, and safe. I pull her back down so she's lying beside me again.

“Who’s Elizabeth?”

I tense up at the mention of my sisters name before I remember Raven doesn't know what happened. I don't know what to tell her so I ignore the question, not wanting to worry Raven. She seems to understand and presses closer to me, sending excitement through my body. I notice how slim her body is, every curve showing through her shirt. I rest my hand on her waist and she relaxes against me. Her head is on my shoulder again and I realize that she's different than Elizabeth, more dangerous. My sister wasn't as reckless as Raven, but Raven isn't as trusting as my sister had been. I'm surprised she's still here. I don't remember how or when Raven crawled down to lie with me, but I'm glad she did. Her presence drives off the last of the remaining fear and the warmth of her body makes me aware of the cold of the floor, I sit up and reach out for a blanket to cover us. I tug the one off of my bed and wrap it around us. 

Raven rolls over so she's facing me and my heart speeds up, I don't know what to do. Her closeness is clouding my mind, I can't think straight. I can feel her breath warm on my neck and when I inhale, my nose is filled with the smell of her. She wriggles so her face is closer to mine causing my heart to beat faster. My hand drifts to rest on her waist, pulling Raven even closer to me. Her breath is coming in short ragged gasps as she slides her hands to tangle in my hair. My lips brush against hers as we lean closer to each other. Suddenly I feel empty the emptiness that's in me and the only way to fill the space is with Raven. She raises her hand and presses it against my face, pulling my face even closer to hers. Our lips are pressed against each other again. She moans softly when I run my hand along her side, still kissing her. The gentle pressure of her lips increase as we press closer together, both of us hungry for more. I can't get enough of her. Suddenly she pulls away, frowning. I try to pull her back but she sits up, pushing my hand away. Then, I hear it too, there are footsteps in the hallway. She wears a confused look as she makes a guess to the owner of the footsteps.

“It's Matthew.”

I'm confused by this, until there is a knock at the door. I jump up and reach for the door handle before drawing back, Raven can't stay here, not like this.