à la folie (To Insanity)

Chapter 11- Jackson

I turn to look at Raven, Angie’s plan sounding more dangerous by the second. On the surface, Raven’s expression remains blank. True feelings hidden below her emotionless mask, I can read each easily. Fear, apprehension, and something that looks like longing. She wants out of here, no matter how difficult the effort. Her eyes lock with mine, after a few seconds I realize everyone has turned to look at me. Angie repeats her question, were can we go to discuss plans. Somewhere on the outside, away from those in the compound. Evan is still out there somewhere, adding another problem to our growing list of troubles. We can't stay in here for much longer, all of us have someone watching us. Raven has evaded most of the surveillance, only because she has been mostly immobilized for the time they have been here. She looks so small, curled up on the chair. I suddenly want to pull her into my arms, the look in her eyes tells me that there's something bothering her. Something other than the pain. Angie seems to notice this too, she manages to pull the meeting to a close. We will meet outside the compound tonight, leaving about twenty minutes apart.

    The door shuts with a click, I lock it as soon as it does. Raven tries to stand, her face clearly showing how much pain she's in. She's a gorgeous mess of chaos, and you can see it in her eyes. I step over to her, the storm in her eyes calming when I touch her arm. She melts into me, pressing closer as I guide her to sit on the edge of the bed. I realize just how silent she has become, were there was light before now is filled with a pressing darkness.

    “We’ll be alright, won't we?”

    Her eyes lock on mine again, telling me there's no way out of this. I can't lie to her, not this time. The pain I see hurts me, digging deep into my mind. Silence is the only answer I can give her, tightening my embrace as she relaxes. She is too young to have been through what she has been through already. Her body relaxes quickly as her breathing evens out, she's sleeping finally.

    I must have fallen asleep because when I open my eyes, the motion lights have shut off. Raven is still sleeping, she needs it. I blink hard as the lights turn back on, I must have changed the settings on the dial again. Something seems off about it, the light seeming brighter than usual. Raven moves, muttering something in her sleep. I brush her hair out of her face, my fingers lightly touching her forehead. Her face feels warm, I am pressing my hand against her forehead when she wakes, her body tensing. She's not fully awake, her hand reaching for her hip were she usually has a blade. I take her hand in mine, assuring her she's safe. She pulls away, her hand instead locking around my wrist. I gently pull her fingers away, slowly pulling her from her personal hell. The wild look in her eyes is enough to tell me what she sees when her eyes rest on me.

    “I saw him again. It all felt so real. Everytime I close my eyes, I'm afraid I'll wake up back there rather than here with you.”

    She is close to tears, that's the part that scares me the most. Her breaking down shows I haven't done enough for her, haven't been there enough. One thing has become clear, the next person who hurts her like this will suffer. I will track them down and kill them slowly, so they feel everything they did to her. And I will not stop hunting until all of them are dead and gone. Evan will suffer slowly, and wish he had never touched her. The only question left to ask, how do you kill a monster without becoming one yourself? Maybe it's impossible. Maybe it's not. All I know is I can't lose her, and if that means becoming one I don't want to be, so be it. She will be safe as long as she is with me, by my side. We will fight together, and survive everything together. We all have our reasons, Raven is mine.