à la folie (To Insanity)

Chapter One- Raven

I press closer to Jackson as the wind picks up again, slicing through my fur lined clothes. He slides his arms around me as he wakes for a moment before drifting back to sleep. My mind wanders to tomorrow's task, at daybreak we will be leaving our temporary encampment to cross through a stretch of open land and long abandoned buildings. Something primal to our cities, everything made of brick rather than steel and glass. I try to go back to sleep as I stare into the glowing embers of the fast dying fire. The wind rustles the tall pines and makes the light flicker and shift, embers glowing red hot before fading into a warm orange.

    My thoughts make sleep impossible. I know I need more sleep, but this is too much. My chest gets tighter and I'm suddenly find myself struggling to breathe. This can't happen, not here. I struggle to calm myself, fearing what will happen if I lose my mind. The shaking comes as it always does, without warning. My breathing is getting worse. My mind won't process what to do right now. I slip away from Jackson, staggering towards the tree line. My feet fly out from under me as my leg is caught on something. I cry out, a twisted sound more animal than human. I'm thrashing around on the ground now, trying to free myself from whatever holds me here. I scramble backwards as my leg is released, trying to ignore the pain that spreads from my day old wound.

    I can't move again, fear paralyzing my body. My limbs go numb and I find myself locked in a protective ball, not really feeling the ground beneath me. The trees are spinning around me. I try to push myself up, hearing a noise somewhere to my left. I suppress a scream, the pain coursing through my body reminding me just how weak I still am. I need to move more slowly to avoid this. Someone wraps their arms around me, pulling me to a sitting position. My hand goes to my hip, were I have a knife sheathed, trying to shield myself. I involuntarily shrink back when they reach their hand out towards me. For a moment we sit here, then I feel the cold metal of a bottle being pressed into my hands. It must be Jackson, he's the one who decided to take me in and has shown nothing but an almost tender caring for me. I slowly bring the bottle to my lips, never taking my eyes off of him.

   The shock of cold water brings me back to the present, didn't think it'd be this cold. Jackson is slow moving, almost like a hunter trying not to frighten prey. Everything he does reinforces this thought, from his careful movements to his gentle words of reassurance. I need to get out of here before he does something to me. Too late I try to rise, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me towards him.Too many voices. Someone is talking, their voice steady. Another is screaming, pained sobbs echoing through the frozen forest. I bury my head in his chest, trying to block out the sounds that are overwhelming my senses. Slowly, everything stops. My hands are being carefully pried from my knife, I release my grip on it. It lands softly on the pine needle coated ground, silvery moonlight glinting off the razor sharp carbon steel blade.

      Jackson grabs it and gingerly slides it back in place, fingers brushing against my skin. He slowly begins to stand, keeping a hand on my arm as he moves to crouch next to me. I try to stand, with his assistance, but my leg can't take the weight. As I begin to fall, he guides me down to sit, rough pine bark digging into my back. Jackson allows me a few moments of rest before pulling me to my feet again.

     He coaxes me back to the warmth of the fire, eventually pulling me to lie near it. I'm still watching him as he lies down to sleep. Seemingly content with where I am, he drops off to sleep. There's something about the way he is lying there that makes me move closer. As I inch towards him, I realize it's me that wants something. I feel a tinge of longing when I look at him, knowing I could never be with him. The risk is too great, not after what happened to the last boy I loved. Still, despite my thoughts, I find myself pressed against him again. I notice my breathing is heavy and my body is tired, I'm weak. My time in the labs have ruined me. Every movement is agony, upsetting my injuries repeatedly isn't going to help me recover. When the dark grey clouds above release a flurry of white snowflakes, I roll over and bury my face in Jackson's coat. He wakes and pulls me closer to him, tugging my borrowed coat tighter around me. His hand brushes lightly against my ear as he does so, leaving a trace of warmth behind. I turn my head to look up at him, feeling liquid warmth flow through my body as he looks down to me. The snowflakes catch in his hair and on his eyelashes as the snowfall picks up. Something about being alone with this boy makes me lose any chance of rational thought. He slides his hand to rest on the small of my back, making me aware of just how close we are right now. I remind myself it's just to keep warm, nothing else.