You Make Me Lovely

Captivate

When Remus entered the kitchen, he was surprised to find Sirius rushing around and filling platters with various different foods. Sirius hadn't seemed to notice him yet, so he took the opportunity to talk to his friend while they were still he only two people in the kitchen.Sirius still hadn't turned around, though. Remus was standing there, waiting for Sirius to acknowledge his existence, but the boy never even looked. He certainly knew Remus was there, though. After what felt like an eternity, he decided to break the silence. "Hey Pads." At this, Sirius finally stopped what he was doing. He still hadn't turned around, though.

"Hey," Sirius muttered. It was so quiet that Remus almost didn't catch it. "How was France?"

"It was good. It's nice to be home though." More like it's good to be back in the same room with you, he thought. Remus wasn't sure why, but ever since Sirius kissed him at that party at the beginning of the summer, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Granted, Sirius was always at the back of his mind, but something about this was different. It was different than the times when James would text Remus about how he was worried about Sirius. It was different than when Sirius and James would come up with elaborate plans to cheer him up and he would laugh, wondering how he got so lucky as to have such good friends. No, this was completely different. And he could NOT let Sirius know about this.

Little did he know, however, that Sirius was thinking the exact same thing.

"Yeah, I'll bet," Sirius said, mentally face palming himself for his lame attempt at conversation. You've been best mates with him since you were eleven and all you can come up with is 'yeah, I'll bet?' he thought to himself. "Give me a break."

"What?" Remus asked, startled by the end of Sirius' statement. Shit, he thought. Did I say that last part out loud? Remus had a confused look on his face, and Sirius couldn't help but think about how attractive he looked when he furrowed his eyebrows like that.

"Nothing," Sirius said, quickly grabbing one of the filled trays on the table and making a hasty exit. Remus followed after him, determined to find out what his friend was hiding.

"No, Pads. I want to know what you meant by that."

"It's nothing. I was thinking to myself and didn't realize I'd said the last part out loud."

Remus sighed. "What were you thinking about?" Sirius bit his lip. "Was it your family?"

Sirius frowned. Ever since he had run away, he had tried to pretend that his family didn't exist. It was pretty easy, considering he never really saw them anymore, but even the mention of them was enough to ruin his mood. "Sort of. I mean...they—" Sirius was cut off by the sound of Remus' phone ringing. He looked hesitant, but Sirius motioned that he didn't mind if Remus answered his phone. But he did mind. A lot, actually. Remus would never know this, though.

"Hey Clara," Sirius heard Remus say. His face immediately fell. Of course he was talking to his girlfriend. Sirius couldn't hear what she was saying, but he assumed it was something good since Remus was smiling. Sirius figured he should just get out of there. Leave him to talk to her in private while he went somewhere else, trying to hide the devastated look on his face. He decided that he was no longer in the mood to be at the party, so he went upstairs to his room and locked the door, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and sitting on the windowsill. His hands shook as he took one out and tried to light it; he once again cursed himself for how bloody sensitive he is. After about four tries, he finally managed to get the cigarette lit and he sighed, feeling himself become slightly more relaxed.

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Back downstairs, Remus had just finished talking to his girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend, if he were being correct. It's not that he didn't like Clara. In fact, he thought that she was great. The two of them had known each other for a while and were good together. Plus, Remus knew for a fact that she liked him. Yet, for some reason, he couldn't get himself to feel the same way. He felt bad, because she really was a lovely woman. But ever since Sirius kissed him the night before he left for France, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. He had confided in Lily about it once, but she was absolutely no help.

Really, the idea of he and Sirius in a relationship was insane. Remus had seen some of the guys that Sirius had gone out with in the past; he didn't even come close to them. He didn't even come close to being good enough for him. Sirius was dark and handsome in a way that made him both strong and delicate. Why would he want someone as ordinary as Remus when he could have anyone he wanted?

Still, he couldn't help but be worried about his friend. The way he hurried out of the room after merely glancing at Remus, the way he tried to avoid conversation and then pretty much running out of the room when he couldn't. The fact that he, once again, disappeared as soon as he started talking to Clara. Now, Remus was no stranger to worrying about his friend. But there was something about this that was much different. He needed to find him; needed to sit him down and find out what was wrong.

On that note, Remus went to the place where he knew Sirius would be. He climbed the stairs two at a time, making it to the door of his friend's room in seconds. He knocked, but there was no response. Remus didn't think there would be. He decided to try again, though. "Pads," he spoke softly, knocking on the door a second time. "It's me." Once again, no response. "Pads, please open the door. I just want to talk." It felt like forever, but Sirius finally came to the door. He opened it a little, looking at Remus apprehensively. Remus sighed. "Can I come in?"

Sirius gave a small nod and opened the door wider. Remus walked in, taking in the room that he hadn't been in in almost 2 months. He saw a sketch of a motorbike sitting on Sirius' desk and he picked it up, eyes wide. "Is this the sketch you were telling me about?" Sirius once again nodded in response. "It's really good."

"Thanks," Sirius said. He sat on his bed, fidgeting. He desperately hoped Remus didn't notice, but he probably did. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Why were you upset downstairs?"

Sirius blinked. "What?"

"You looked upset while I was talking to Clara earlier. What's wrong?" Sirius didn't know what to say. How do you explain to someone that them talking to their girlfriend upsets you because you actually have feelings for them? Clearly Remus had an idea of what was wrong, though, because he continued. "Is it because you and I haven't been as close lately? I know when Clara and I started dating it was hard for you, but you'll always be my number one, Pads. And, Clara and I aren't dating anymore so things can go back to the way they used to be."

Sirius' heart sped up at Remus' statement. He and Clara had broken up? This was great news. "They can?" he asked, trying to hide his joy.

"Yeah. Now I'll be able to spend more time with my best mate, right Pads?"

For the second time in less than 24 hours, Sirius' heart was crushed. Best mates. That's all Remus sees him as. That's all Remus has everseen him as. "Yeah. Best mates."

Little did either of them know that both of their hearts were crushed that night.