You Make Me Lovely

Uncharted

 "I still can't believe my little boy is getting married!" Mrs. Potter said while sitting in the living room a few weeks later. James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus had come over and Mrs. Potter hadn't stopped talking about it since the group arrived. "Now we're just waiting for you and Remus to get married," she continued, gesturing to the two boys. Sirius promptly began choking on his drink and Remus needed to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.

"Euphemia, quit pressuring them. They'll do things when they're ready," Mr. Potter chuckled as he walked into the room. "Besides, dinner is ready and I'd rather we eat before everything gets cold." The group quickly made their way into the kitchen.

Remus had eaten with the Potter's dozens of times over the years, but never once had it been as awkward as things were right now. It seemed like everyone was just staring at him and Sirius the whole time and it was making him uncomfortable. And if it was making him uncomfortable, he couldn't imagine what it was doing to the other boy. "Sirius, dear, you're looking better," Mrs. Potter started. "How have things been?" Hearing this, Sirius froze, looking down at his lap. For a moment Remus was worried he didn't hear her.

"I'm—uh—I'm fine," he mumbled, immediately looking down again as soon as he finished speaking. He didn't touch his food after that and Remus had to practically force him to eat an appropriate amount before people started putting their plates away. Sirius was just about to get up when Remus grabbed his plate.

"Go upstairs to your and James' old room, okay? I'll be right up." Sirius just nodded and handed the other boy his plate before leaving to go upstairs. As soon as Remus entered the kitchen Mrs. Potter was at his side.

"Is Sirius all right? I feel so bad, I didn't mean to upset him," she said, a look of genuine concern on her face. Remus waved her off.

"Don't worry about it Mrs. Potter. Meals are just still hard for him right now. You didn't do anything wrong." She gave him a small smile but Remus could tell she wasn't entirely convinced that she didn't do something wrong. "Honestly, you're perfectly fine. If you'll excuse me, though, I'm gonna go and find him." At this, Remus left the kitchen and went upstairs to talk to his boyfriend. He made it to the room and was just about to open the door when he heard Sirius talking on the phone.

"Yeah, um, Dr. Riley? I'm sorry to bother you like this but you said I could call if I ever needed anything"

Remus knew he shouldn't eavesdrop on the other boy but he couldn't not find out what was happening. Was Sirius in some kind of trouble if he was calling his doctor? He heard Sirius start talking again so he quickly silenced his thoughts.

"I was wondering if you could give me the name of the therapist you were telling me about at our last appointment?"A few seconds passed and Remus assumed Sirius was writing the name down or something. "Great, thank you. I'll see you next week for our appointment."

Remus couldn't help but feel proud of his boyfriend for what he was doing. He was glad that Sirius was taking more steps in order to take care of himself. "I know you're out there Moony," he heard the other boy say. "You can come in now." Face turning red, Remus entered the room.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have been listening in on your conversation—" Sirius held up a hand to Silence him.

"It's fine Rem. Really, it's not a big deal." Remus nodded slowly, taking a seat next to his boyfriend on the bed. "So are you going to tell me why you said to come up here?" Sirius looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah, um, are you okay? What happened at dinner?" Even though Sirius knew this was most likely what Remus was going to ask, he was still caught off guard by it. He was trying to think of an answer when he heard Remus continue. "I mean, you've been doing so well with eating lately, what happened tonight? Actually, scratch that. What's been happening the past couple weeks?" The other boy's eyes narrowed suddenly.

"What do you mean?" he asked, voice getting lower.

"I mean, I'm getting worried Pads. It looks like you're losing weight again and I'm worried about you." Remus grabbed the other boy's hand. "I want you to know that you can talk to me about these things if you need to. I know you've been working really hard and I am so proud of you for that. But I'm scared that if things start getting hard for you that you're not gonna want to tell anyone." Sirius looked at his and Remus' intertwined hands.

"I guess I'm just scared," Sirius started. Remus looked up at him, shocked.

"Of what?"

"Getting better means changing. And I'm scared that people won't like me if I change. My parents always said that the way I look was the only thing people liked about me and I just—" his voice cracked and Remus immediately pulled him into a hug. "What if I get fat and suddenly no one likes me anymore?"

"Pads, you are so much more than a body. I'm not going to pretend to know what it's like to have an eating disorder, but just know that I love you no matter what."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So according to your charts, it looks like you've lost weight since the last time we saw each other," Dr. Riley said as he sat across from Sirius in the exam room. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry," Sirius mumbled, refusing to meet the other man's eyes.

"You don't need to apologize Sirius. I just need to know what's going on." Sirius shrugged. "The fact that you've started losing weight again is worrisome and I don't want you to fall back into old habits."

Sirius sighed. "I was doing fine for a while. And then I just started getting scared."

"Sirius, it's completely normal to be scared of getting better. Recovery is scary a lot of the time, especially in the beginning. And I know you've been trying. But since we've taken a step backwards, I want to see you again in three weeks, okay?"

"What, why?"

"I want to be able to check on you Sirius. I need to make sure that you're making progress. And, actually, if it's all right with you I'd like to bring Remus in here for this as well." Sirius merely nodded. Dr. Riley nodded and left the room, appearing a few minutes later with Remus. "So, Remus, I was just telling Sirius that I'm a bit concerned about his recent weight loss and would like to see him sooner than I normally would so that I can keep an eye on him."

Remus nodded. "Okay."

"This means, Sirius, that I want you to work on gaining a little weight. All right?" Sirius nodded. "And Remus? Sirius tells me that you've been a really good support system for him through all of this, so I'm hoping that the two of you will continue to help each other."

"Absolutely," Remus responded, standing up and taking Sirius' hand. Sirius smiled slightly at the other boy as they left the room and made their way out of the building, hands swinging between them.