You Make Me Lovely

Yearning: part 1

Sirius really needed to get this appointment over with. He had so many more important things to be doing, what with James and Lily getting married later that day. He wanted to call Dr. Riley and cancel, but when he told James and Remus about that idea, both boys told him that they wouldn't let him. Making sure you're doing okay is more important, James had told him yesterday. Sirius snorted at that. Yeah right. He would have retorted with something but Remus cut him off before he could, saying, and don't even start with the whole 'is it though?' thing that you do. So, despite his not wanting to, he was forced to endure his appointment.

"You seem on edge today," Dr. Riley said as he and Sirius spoke in his office. The nurse had already finished taking the boy's vitals and had sent him to the doctor's office to talk. "Why is that?"

"How much time do you have," Sirius chuckled, though the doctor could tell he wasn't joking. "I've just got a lot on my mind I guess."

"Like what?"

"What does the stuff going through my head have to do with what we're talking about?" Sirius was confused. It's not that he didn't trust Dr. Riley; quite the opposite actually. It's just that he knew the man wasn't a therapist, so therefore didn't really get why he wanted to know about what he was thinking.

"Well, your thoughts and stresses can have an effect on your physical health. When you're under a lot of stress, which it seems like you are, it can be harmful to your health. Does that make sense?" Sirius just nodded. "So, what's been going on?"

"Well...one of my best mates, James, told me that I was looking better, which made me kind of uncomfortable but wasn't that big of a deal."

"That's good that you didn't let it affect you as much as it would have in the past." Sirius nodded. "Anything else?"

"James is getting married today, so I'm stressed but like in a good way because I'm excited for him to get married but stressed because I feel like there's still so much I need to do." Dr. Riley was going to interject but stopped when Sirius continued talking. "There is one more thing, though."

"And what's that?"

"I saw my parents for the first time in a while. I've never really had a good relationship with them, so I wasn't expecting things to go well. But it went so much worse than I imagined. They just started insulting me about my weight and the way I look and I started thinking, what if they're right and I'm a complete fraud?"

"Sirius, you are not a fraud. Your disorder wants you to think that what you're going through isn't serious but it is. And your parents, honestly, seem like awful people."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that things aren't changing, because we've talked and you're a smart person and you know that's not true. You know what's going on. But I need you to know that what you're doing is so good and you have a lot to be proud of."

"Thanks," Sirius muttered, suddenly feeling really awkward.

"That being said, do you want us to talk about your results from today?"

"Sure," he shrugged. "Why not?" Dr. Riley pulled something up on his computer before taking a few papers out of a folder with his name on it.

"That being said, I want to start out by saying that you've been making a lot of progress—"

"Will you tell me what I weigh, then?" Sirius asked. The man was caught off guard by

"What? No, Sirius, I'm not going to tell you what you weigh."

"Why not?" Instead of answering this question, Dr. Riley asked his own.

"Sirius, do you know what you weighed when we started working together?"

"You didn't tell me."

"I know I didn't tell you, Sirius. But did you know what it was?" Sirius just nodded. "So why do you want me to tell you now?"

"I want to see how I react to knowing. Like, if I'm really getting better, shouldn't knowing what I weigh not matter?"

Doctor Riley took his glasses off and looked Sirius in the eyes. "You and I have been working together for a while now and you've really come a long way. I just don't think you knowing your weight is a good idea right now."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I don't want potentially derail any progress I've made. And, in reality, it doesn't even really matter."

"And why is that?"

"Because taking care of myself is so much more important."

~~~~~~~~~

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked James as they were getting ready later that day. The wedding was in less than two hours and Remus could tell the other boy was nervous.

"Excited," James replied. "But also kind of like I'm going to vomit."

"Ew, mate, don't do that. You don't want to mess up your outfit," Sirius said, joining the other two in James' living room. Remus didn't even see him come in.

"I'll remember that for when it's your wedding and you're so nervous that you think you may be sick," James shot back. He was going to say something else when he heard his phone ring. "I'll be right back," he said, answering the call and going to the kitchen.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Sirius asked, turning to Remus and tugging lightly on his sleeve. He motioned toward the door and Remus nodded, following him outside.

"Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I just...uh...I know it doesn't matter and I've been trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter but, like, you don't care that I've gained weight, right?" Remus rose his eyebrows. Sirius sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry, I know that's a bad question to ask. I know you're not the type of person to care about that kind of stuff...it's just—I don't know—a bit of an adjustment for me to get used to."

"Of course I don't care that you've gained weight. I'm just glad that you're getting your life back."

"I am too. It feels kind of nice." At this they figured they should probably head back inside so as to not worry James.

"So how was your appointment today?" he asked. He was surprised when he saw the other boy smile.

"It was good. He said he was really proud of me and how far I've come."

Remus pulled him into a hug. "That's amazing Sirius!" James chose that moment to leave the bathroom and, seeing the two of them, made his way over and joined the hug.

"Did you two really think you could have a group hug and not include me?"

"You know no hug would be complete without you Jamie," Sirius responded, shaking his head.

"In all seriousness," Sirius looked like he was going to say something, but James cut him off, "don't even think about it."

"You know me so well," Sirius said, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

"Yeah, I know. Really, though, the ceremony starts in 45 minutes, so you need to go put your suit on." Sirius made his way into James' bedroom to get ready, which left Remus and James to wait by themselves. James looked over at Remus and, seeing the way he watched Sirius walk away, laughed.

"What?" Remus asked. James just shook his head, smiling at his friend.

"You're so in love with him."