You Make Me Lovely

Keeper

Warning: This chapter contains mentions of homophobia and child abuse

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up at the sound of his name being called, meeting eyes eerily similar to his own. He walked over to the boy, not quite sure how to greet him. Should he hug him, shake his hand? How do you interact with someone who you haven't seen in two years? "Hey Reg," he muttered, awkwardly holding out his hand for the other boy to shake. Regulus gave him a confused look, but grabbed his hand. "Er...How are you?"

"I'm okay," Regulus said, looking Sirius over. The boy nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Sirius snapped, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

"It's just—you look—uh...never mind," Regulus stammered. Sirius gave him a weird look.

"Okay then. So why'd you...uh...why'd you wanna talk?" Regulus looked around nervously, as though waiting for someone to jump out and get him.

"Can we...um...maybe go sit somewhere and talk? I'm not all that keen on everyone eavesdropping on our conversation." Sirius nodded, turning around and motioning for Regulus to follow him.

"Come on. We'll talk in the kitchen." Regulus was surprised that the kitchen was empty when they entered. Sirius immediately hopped on the counter, making himself at home. Regulus stood to the side nervously. "You know you can sit, right?" Sirius laughed, glancing at the boy across from him. "I promise the chairs don't bite." Regulus hesitantly took a seat, still a little unsure.

"Can I...er...ask you something?" Regulus asked quietly, biting him lip and focusing on the floor. Sirius chuckled.

"I thought that was the whole point of us coming in here to talk." He looked at Regulus, the playful smile immediately dropping as he saw his brother's face. "Reg, what's wrong? Is it mum and dad? Did they do something to you?" Regulus shook his head quickly, eyes glued to the floor. "Then what is it?"

"How did you know you were gay!" Regulus suddenly blurted out, momentarily stunning Sirius. He had not expected that to be what his brother wanted to talk about.

"What?"

"Did you...like...have sex with a woman and realize that you didn't like it so you tried with a guy or—" Sirius grabbed the boy's shoulders, shaking him lightly.

"Reg, calm down," he spoke quietly. "I guess there was always a part of me that knew, even before I had ever shagged someone." Regulus looked confused. "I remember being attracted to guys and thinking that it was so terribly wrong because you know what mum and dad are like—"

"Homophobic bastards," Regulus cut in.

"Yeah, exactly. I'll never forget what mum told me when I was fifteen and I told her I liked this one bloke at school and was planning on taking him on a date."

"What'd she say?" the boy asked, leaning forward in his chair and waiting with bated breath.

"She said, and I quote, 'Sirius Black! How dare you, a man, be attracted to another man! I can't believe you would embarrass our family like that!'."

"And then what happened?" Regulus couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had always known that his parents were ridiculously homophobic, but he had never heard about any of this.

"She hit me a few times and then sent me upstairs without dinner for the night," Sirius shrugged. "So after that, I tried to force myself to be attracted to girls—you know, because at that point there was still a small part of me that wanted their approval no matter how fucked up it was—but those feelings I had for the boy never went away no matter how hard I tried. And when I finally did shag a girl for the first time, it kind of pushed me over the edge of knowing for sure."

"But...but what if you're not attracted to guys or girls?" Regulus asked, face turning red. Sirius moved to the chair next to his brother, putting his arm around the younger boy's shoulders. "Then what happens?"

"Reg," Sirius calmly stated. "Have you ever heard of the term asexual?"

"I've heard of it. I don't really know what it means though."

"Being asexual basically means that you aren't sexually attracted to people. You can be attracted to people in other ways, such as romantically, but you just don't experience sexual attraction." Regulus gave him a confused look. "I mean...it's obviously a lot more than that, but that's like the super basic skimming over the surface definition." Regulus nodded. "And do not, for one second, think that this makes you weird or that you need to be ashamed of who you are." Right as Sirius said this, James and Remus decided to crash the brother's conversation, barging into the kitchen.

"Padfoot, darling!" James yelled, pulling Sirius into another hug as though he didn't see the boy less than twenty minutes ago.

"Hey Jamie," he said, laughing and pulling himself out of the boy's grip. "You guys remember Regulus?" he asked, pointing to the younger boy. They both nodded.

"Nice to see you again," Remus said politely, giving the boy a kind smile. "Do you guys wanna go and hang out with the rest of the party?" Surprisingly, Regulus was the one who answered.

"Actually, could you guys give us one more minute maybe?" James turned to him, walking up to the boy.

"I don't know, mate. I may die from missing Sirius," he laughed. Remus stepped in, grabbing James' sleeve and pulling him toward the door.

"He's just kidding. We'll be right out here." Both boys nodded. Regulus grabbed Sirius' arm before he could move away. "Are you sure you're all right Sirius?"

"I'm fine Reg. Why do you keep asking?"

"It's just...you don't look okay. You look sick, Sirius."

"I'm fine," Sirius sighed.

"I'm just worried. I haven't seen you look like this since you were in high school and you stopped—"

"This isn't like that, Reg" he snapped, face red. Regulus sighed.

"Okay then. Just know that starving yourself won't do you any good."

"I'm not—"

"You guys coming?" James shouted from outside the door. Sirius gave his brother one last look before leaving the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a little after midnight and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Sirius seemed to have forgotten about the unpleasant ending to his and Regulus' conversation and was enjoying the party. The other boy seemed to be having a good time as well. Sirius wished the night would have gone by more slowly, but sadly it didn't. "Hey, Sirius," Regulus said, tugging on the boy's sleeve.

"Hm?"

"It's getting late. I'm gonna head on home." Sirius gave him a look nodding slowly. "It was nice...um...nice catching up." Sirius nodded again.

"Yeah, it was. And uh...if you ever want to meet up again, just let me know." Regulus smiled, nodding at his brother and pulling him in for a hug.

"I'll see you," he said, turning a walking out the door.

The party cleared out soon after that and people began making their way home. Sirius decided that he was going to spend the night with Remus, much to the latter's joy. "I need to tell James though," he said, pulling out his phone and texting him. As soon as he sent the text he grabbed Remus' hand, intertwining their fingers as they walked home.

Once they arrived at Remus' place, they immediately mad their way to the bedroom and Sirius collapsed into the bed, pulling his sweatshirt off. He caught a quick glance at his reflection in the mirror before be abruptly put it back on, not wanting to see himself. He was too cold anyway. "So, did you have a nice talk with your brother?" Remus asked, climbing into bed and pulling Sirius close to him. Sirius nodded, latching himself to the taller boy.

"Yeah. It was nice," he yawned.

"Good. I'm glad." He gave Sirius a quick kiss before both boys fell into a peaceful sleep.