Just As I Am

Chapter 25

Jasmine           

Isaiah and I had been officially a couple for two months, and let me just say, it was amazing! I mean, who knew it could be like this? He was absolutely perfect, and I just loved him so much! He almost consumed my every thought. Was that bad? I kept trying to find something wrong with us, with him, but I really didn’t have a single complaint. I couldn’t believe my luck; it almost seemed too good to be true. I picked up my IPod and turned on Rich Girl’s Uncharted Waters.

“Silly games, foolish lies, all that I'm used to
But you arrived in my life and before I knew
It was a drastic change of feelings and it's hard for me to deal with
How good that you treat me, yeah.
Cuz your actions speak louder than your words
Most of you give me good love that I deserve
Oooh this is scary, how fast I'm falling
With so many questions in my mind.”

Was it real this time? Could Isaiah be the real thing? A part of me wasn’t sure. I mean, he was great, but there was this little crack in my heart that made me doubt him. I don’t know why I couldn’t let go of that fear when it came to him. If it was another girl, I’d tell her she was crazy to doubt Isaiah, but I could do it for myself? What made me hold back that last part? And I don’t mean my virginity, because other than one little incident, there hadn’t been any temptations. No, the part I couldn’t give completely was my trust. It was hard to trust something that seems perfect, because we all know that nothing really is. Had Isaiah given me any reason not to trust him with my heart? No, but for whatever reason, I just couldn’t do it. Yes, I loved him more than I ever thought I’d love a boy, but I wasn’t sure if I could completely let go. Why was I so afraid to fall head over heels?

My phone starting ringing so I paused the song. It was Isaiah calling. A huge smile spread across my face. How could I be so happy to hear from him and doubt him at the same time? I really wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because I’d been fooled before. But was it fair to hold that against Zay?

“Hello.”

“Hey, love!” I could hear the smile in his voice and I knew that the one my face matched it.

“Hi there.”

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Thinking about you.”

“Oh really? All good, I hope.” He laughed.

“Not all, but some.” I replied.

“Then I’m not doing something right, because there shouldn’t be anything that isn’t good.” He said confidently.

“It’s too big.” I sighed.

“What?”

“Your ego!” I laughed.

“Oh okay, you have jokes. What do you have up for today?”

Hmm, that was a good question. I really hadn’t thought about doing anything, but it was only three in the afternoon. “I haven’t made any plans.” I finally answered.

“Would you like to go on a date tonight? I mean like a for real date.”

“What is a “for real” date?” I laughed.

“I pick you up, bring you flowers and you get all dressed up. You know what I mean.” Yes, I did know what he meant, but the thing was, we’d never done that. I mean, we went out to eat and out to the movies, but the only thing that had changed since we’d been dating was the kissing. I hadn’t thought of it before because we always had a good time together. A date. What would that be like? “Jazzy, bae, are you still there?”