Save Me| Yoonmin

14) I Lost You Too

        It's been a month. A whole month since Jimin and I spilt up. A whole month since I lost my smile. The hard part wasn't the break up. The hard part was that I had to continue seeing him everywhere I went. He became rather close to Jungkook and Taehyung therefore he became close to all of us. Everyone knew what happened between Jimin and I, but they never brought it up. Jimin's mom ended up moving to New York, so Jimin lived by himself now.

       At first, I could handle seeing Jimin every time I went to Jungkook's house or whenever we all went out together. Jimin acted like there was nothing between us and I couldn't blame for it. Honestly, Jimin had changed a lot since I first met him. He was a lot more open and laughed at almost everything. He no longer looked as fragile as he did before. I used to think that I was the reason for it, that our splitting up made him into a better person. I loved him back then and I love him right now.

       I was lying in my place after going to Jungkook's house to celebrate Tae's birthday. Jimin looked so happy. I tried my best to act as if I was happy too, but in the end it didn't work out and I had to leave early. I didn't want to be the reason Tae's party became so depressing. Hoseok tried to stop me from leaving, knowing what was wrong with me. To be honest, Hoseok was the only person who knew the pain that I was still going through. Everyone else saw it too but they didn't care as much as Hoseok did.

The door bell rang and I didn't move. I didn't care to answer it, didn't care to see who was at the door. The bell rang again. I put earphones in and blast my music, hoping to drown out the world. But of course, that didn't happen as Hoseok came barging into my room.

I groaned and threw a pillow at his face to which he screamed and moved out the way.

"Yah, Hyung~ Just cause you're going through heartbreak doesn't mean you can kill me!"

I gave Hoseok a death glare. Although it's been a month, I haven't gotten over Jimin. Not at all. Everything I felt for Jimin still remains but I know Jimin has moved on. He's a better person now and I should be happy. But I'm not.

"Hyung, you shouldn't sit in the dark like this."

Hoseok turned on a lamp night but I growled at him and he turned it back off. The only light in the room came from the hallway light being on. Hoseok sat next to me on the bed and stared at his feet.

"Hyung, you can't keep doing this to yourself. Can't you see how not moving on is affecting you?"

I gripped my hair in frustration.

"Fuck. Hoseok. Don't you think I know that? I've been trying for a whole fucking month to get over him. I never knew what love felt like until I met him. I never knew what it was like to fall hopelessly in love with some I hardly know. But I still fell in love with him, the most beautiful person in the world."

Hoseok rubbed comforting circles on my back.

"See, that's the think about love. You're never going to forget him. You're always going to love the color of his eyes, and you're always gonna search for someone with the same beautiful laugh. You're never going to fully get over him. You're going to have those nights when all the pain and regret comes rushing back. You're going to miss him with all of your heart. But you're going to be okay."

I smiled a little.

"You know, after that day at the hospital, I went to sleep that night with an ache in my heart and tears running down my face, sob after sob. I kept bitting down on my lip, trying not to make any noise, but the tears wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. It hurts, I hurt, so fucking bad."

Tears once again fell down my face, surprising me since I thought I didn't have any tears left to cry. But I continued to speak with a chocked voice.