And I met you...

Chapter 20

( two days later)

" What do you mean by going somewhere alone? "

" I mean, you will lead a little.. You know, boring life, so I want to help you to... "

" Help for what?? For making my f***ing life more boring? No, thanks, Joel. I don't need it. I am not in that mood to jog around the world, knowing, that I have some other serious problems. Maybe you don't care, but.. "

By that words of her, I was really shocked. She thought, that I don't care about her, but oppositely I want her to be more happy and forget about those problems. I didn't expect that from her. It's not in her style.
I shook my head and maybe she understood, that she got too far and wrong. I don't want to push on her, but feel, that in deep end of her heart she didn't think like that. Oppositely, she was eager to go with me. She just want me to understand, tha she's still angry to me and I have no rights to take her somewhere after all these terrible things, that happened past days.

" What are you talking about? I just want to make you happy, and forget as much as possible about this life you're living now. Why are still that agressive to me? I want only the best for you. "

She made her head down and looked at her fingers. She couldn't find the answer. Maybe she finally realised, that she was wrong.

Leyla's  P.O.V

I felt some goose bumps all over my body. I loved him so much, I didn't mean to hurt him, but after all these stuff, that was happening with these past couple months, I was afraid to be, to kiss, to touch, to hang out, or even love him. It's too hard to love when there's no condition for it. When you escape the whole world. When you're afraid to be dumped. I love Joel so much, but I don't want to be hated. I want a normal life with Joel. I don't want to be afraid to show my love to Joel. I just want to love and be loved.

" I.. I am sorry, Joel. I actually.. (Pause) love you so much, but I can't handle this hate pressure on me. I feel myself so hated, blamed, ashamed, but I don't know why. I don't know what I've done wrong to deserve such hate. I am sorry, Joel, but I feel like if our relationship continue like that, we won't last more that a month. "

Joel sat there. He was looking deep in my eyes very sad. It made my heart ache so badly much. My lips were shaking and eyes were full of tears. I was so frustrated of myself. Joel didn't answer, so I continued.

" I really want to travel with you and I know, that you want to make me happy, but all this happiness faded away from me. I can't find it in myself right now. Let's just lead a calm relationship. I don't want any other problems. I.. I just can't..." - and the tears immediately fell from my eyes.

" No, no. We will be in that countries, in which I am not so famous. We will be away from U.S.A. I am sure, nothing bad will happen with us. I have even already bought the tickets and planned in which countries we should be. You don't really imagine, how interesting and exiting will be our journey. We will be in ten countries and the most beautiful places of the world. Those days will be the best in your life. I am sure hundreds percents. "

He was out of breath. His voice was shaking. I felt how hard he wants to please me and wants to make me happy. I kept quietly crying. It's too hard. When we just started dating and he told, that we have to be careful of our kisses and other affections. Because the fans of him are very dangerous when they're jealous. Firstly, these words seemed funny to me, but only now I realised, that it's the horrible true. It made very angry and dissapointed at the same time. It's so strange to be afraid of several angry girls, but when there emotionally killing you. You can't do anything to fix it. You're just staying still. You're afraid to do anything, because people are the most wild existence in the world.
After that we were silently sitting, until my ters completely dried out.
I looked at Joel and thought for a while. If we love each other, why we can't show it to each other? Why should we live like this? In tragedy? The answer is very stupid. Just bracuse of fame. Because of other people who doesn't have their own lives. It's not fair. We have all the rights to live the happy life and take maksimum of it. Why we gotta be afraid of other people? The true love will always win.
So I've decided to do anything with Joel. I don't care anymore. I want to show everyone that I am the perfect girlfriend for Joel. I believe, that after seeing us together happy, they will be happy too. Our life is too short to dedicate it to drama and tragedies. I want to fell us hanging each other's hands with our fears upon the edge of a big mountain. I am not afraid anymore and I wanna love Joel a very day of my huh, no matter long or short life. That's it. I am going to tell him.
I held Joel's hand. I felt the tears again. But these time not of sadness, but happiness. He looked at me. His eyes we're red too, but he kept himself very hard.

" Joe, you know what?? I am going anywhere with you! I want to feel the taste of this life. I don't know, will I be alive or dead yesterday. I don't want to die in sadness and all alone. So I want to die, remembering all the beautiful moments spent with the people, that I love. I don't care anymore! I don't care what the people will think about us. The only thing that I want is to be happy. "

Suddenly his ile widened so much, that I haven't seen him smiling like that. And then he jumped to me and hugged tightly. I hugged him back.

" I love you to the moon and back."

I smiled and closed my eyes already imagining us travelling the whole world. Being together, laughing, being dork sometimes. And you know what? All these small moments in our life make it more beautiful and interesting.