Old Fashioned Hood Love

22/ Is You Still Down

"...Bonnie and Clyde, she never side with the coppers

  Never break code, forever be loyal..."

-Ace Hood | Rider

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       Michelle Phat Phat Anderson***

  "How did you do it?" I asked Juicy.

  "Not how I did it but, how am I doing it. Phat, I'm still coping and looking at the beautiful babygirl we made together doesn't help the shit either. But you know, I go with the flow. Take it one step at a time. If I need to cry one day, I'll do it. Or maybe I have to stay strong and keep my head up, or whatever it is. I know that he ain't comin' back so I gotta keep pushin'." She explained as her eyes darted towards the sleeping baby in her arms.

  "It's so damn hard. Everytime I get kicked I know Josiah wants his dad and he ain't gon' neva have that. It really hurts. And the reminiscing always leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Even after everything I found out, I still love that man with all of me." I vented while fingering the rings on the golden chain placed around my neck.

  Me and Juicy sat out in the backyard sharing a cup of tea as we looked out over the sunset. Between grieving and trying not to get too worked up, I was drained. I was due in a couple more weeks and as I neared my due date I became more and more nervous. Everybody was so consumed with dealing with everything going on, I felt as if I was at the bottom of the list.

"How's Messiah?" She rocked back and forth.

"He doesn't like to talk about it. I don't know if he's in denial or if he has became completely numb to it all. I know Ms. Linda is taking it hard considering the fact that they were now on good terms. What's really fucked up we can't give nobody a funeral." I rubbed on my belly unconsciously.

  "Why?" She looked at me like I was crazy.

  "Cause everybody body was burned to ashes and we don't know whose ashes is whose. I don't know— like, I'm happy I was able to say I love you one last time but what kills me is that he wasn't here that long." I heard the door slide open and Messiah came into view holding both twins in his arms.

  "Mwama!" King screamed as he wiggled out of his father's arms.

  King was placed on the soft grass and he quickly crawled over towards me. A large grin overtook his features as he outstretched his tiny arm as he steadied himself of my knee with the other. My eyes bulged at what he said.

"No King. That ain-"

  "It's fine. It's— okay." I gave him a weak smile as I lifted him up and placed him in my lap.

  King rubbed my stomach and looked up at me with his eyebrows knitted together.

  "I'm having a baby, King." I smiled.

  "Waby?" I laughed and nodded my head.

  "Baby." Messiah had now came and sat near us as everything quieted down.

"Can we talk, um, in private?" He looked back at me.

  "Sure," I nodded my head and stood up still carrying King inmy arms.

  He led us over towards the glass doors that led towards the large kitchen.

  "Wassup?" I gently swayed side to side as King messed around in my wild curls.

  "I know we ain't been the same since all my cheatin' and shit but that don't mean I ain't eva' stop lovin' you,"He started and holding my gaze. "and the timing can't be any more fucked up but, I really need to know is you still my rider?" He never broke contact which led me to believing he's serious.

  "I promised didn't I?" I don't know where this is coming from but it has me a little scared since this is just so out of the normal. Although, we been through hell and back, I couldn't deny the feelings that I still had for Messiah.

  He licked his lips,"Yeah, yeah, you did. Now promise, whateva happen you'll hold me down no matta what." His eyeys held much seriousness.

  "What is go-"

  "Just promise, Michelle."

  "I promise." I stopped and just stared at him. I wanted to know what was going on but from the looks of it I knew he wasn't going to be telling shit.

  "Good, good. So, tell me this. You still rockin' with a nigga or no?" He adjusted a sleeping MJ in his arms.

  I smiled,"I may have been with someone else but I was always rockin' with you. My loyalty lasts a lifetime, never a season."

  He smiled and shook his head. "So can I show you how much I've been missin' you?" He arched a brow with a crooked grin on his full lips.

  "Do you." I smiled and just in seconds he had my lips captured in a kiss that I haven't had in a while.

  I'm not sure how my life would have turned out if Calvin was still here. Maybe, it's the fact that he had captured a piece of my heart or he was my babydaddy but whatever it is, I still had love for him. But I just learned the difference of loving someone and being in love with someone. Yeah I may have been in love with Calvin at one time but it was just now that I knew I was still in love with a man that could break me or make me.

  Being in love was always dangerous for me. Knowing that I was giving this person all of me and was being placed in his hands and he had the ability to break me was a risk that forever was being taken. But Messiah, I was gonna take the risk all over again. And whatever happens this time around just happens.

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Just to warn you, this book is coming to an end. Maybe in 2-3 chapters at the most.

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,Elisee