Miss Atomic Bomb | a.i

•23•

I was still a bit wobbly from the adventure that had just happened inside. It was now close to 1:30am now and it felt like time had just passed by.

I was pissed. I didn't want anybody in my way, I wanted to shove through everything in site, I wanted to let out my frustration some way. But I couldn't. I wasn't like other guys, I couldn't just start a fight and be done with it just because I wanted to put off steam, I was a total wimp.

I didn't blame Rae for almost fucking Luke's brains out, because let's be honest, what would she do with me? Be friends and make out with me some times? I don't think so.

Rae was too nice of a person to take advantage of, especially to take advantage of me, but right now I sort of felt taken advantage of actually. Rae had been all over me since we met, and we had such a good relationship so far, I was even considering asking her out and breaking out of my shell, but I wasn't so sure anymore.

And Luke, boy was I frustrated with Luke. The kid ticked me off more than anyone. One of the worst things wasn't even that he had my girl, but if was the fact that I couldn't do shit about it. All he did was intimidate me and I didn't think that was going to change any time soon.

Luke was tall and buff, and I was just.. me. I admit I had some muscle on me, but I'm my eyes I had nothing. I wasn't meant for fighting, despite all the anger I wanted to take out on Luke face, I just couldn't do it no matter how hard I pushed myself.

All I wanted to do was spend some time with Rae, and that's what I thought she wanted as well, it's what I though since she was the one who invited me. But here she was, sucking faces with Luke and ignoring me.

Rae looked totally guilty when she saw me, and that's what broke me. A couple of weeks ago, I probably wouldn't care. I probably wouldn't be as devastated as I was now because after seeing Rae the first time, and her being all over Luke, I probably wouldn't be surprised if she possibly had sex with Luke. And though he apparently cheated on her, I still couldn't never be sure if she was doing this behind my back the whole time, and that's what made her face to me so infuriating.

In all honesty I shouldn't even be mad. Going through these thoughts, what I noticed was that all I seemed to be doing was contradicting myself. I told myself that it wasn't fine for Rae to be making out with Luke or taking her clothes off in front of him, when we weren't even described as 'a thing.' We were nothing more then close friends, and it was fucked up that I was getting pissed for no reason.

But I still think Rae understood. Nobody knew about Rae sort of having feelings toward me and me having feeling toward here besides ourselves, so in her eyes and mine as well, it was sort of fucked up for her to do some shit like that, just as much as it was fucked up for me to be.. dare I say it, jealous.

I didn't want to cry, but I surely felt tears well up in my eyes. I didn't want anybody I see, I didn't want anybody to know I was in sorrow. I just wanted to be alone now.

I pushed through the large crowd of people, not even caring if they yelled at me, I just needed to get away from her for once.

I hadn't even realized it, but for the past few months or so, my whole world revolved around Rae, and only Rae. The only thing I talked about with Calum? Rae. What did I do instead of my usually reading time and fanning myself over different anime's? Talk with, or think, of Rae. Nothing was more important then Rae, and that was something that needed to change, and it needed to change quick.

My hand finally found the doorknob to the front door, and I swung open the heavy wooden door, standing in the threshold as I felt the want liquid slide down my cheeks. Thank god the only people outside were a few people going at it behind the bushes.