I still got your back, you stupid bad-ass

A shell of a human being

(Kenny's POV)

-A month later-

I stopped fighting.

I stopped going outside.

I just didn’t see the point anymore. Gracie was dead. My cute, little sister. And Chris was always with Addie.

I stopped fighting because I honestly didn’t see the point in it anymore. I didn’t need the money anymore. My mother worked her ass off, trying to forget everything by working three jobs at once. And Jamie…Jamie he was torn between taking care of me and going to college.

Chris rarely came to see me. And when he did, he would bring Addie. Addie was nice, but I wanted to be alone with Chris. I wanted to talk to him, and cry my eyes out in his arms.

The group dissolved, and we stopped the group fights. They were still my friends though. They came by once a week, when they weren’t busy.

Hannah continues to remain faithful by being my new best friend. She comes by for sleepovers and to have movie marathons with me.

Trent stopped all contact with Chris ever since he started dating Addie. There was a little cold shoulder going on between them. Chris didn’t even seem to notice.

Whatever. Chris was a traitor.

He was a traitor. I thought, tears slipping down. He promised me that he would always be there when I needed him. Yet he was never there.

I sobbed into my pillow.

This was my new life.

Funny, happy-go lucky Kenny was gone. She disappeared, along with all my happiness.

I started cutting myself.

Before, I thought it was a stupid way to deal with your problems, but now I understood why some people cut themselves.

It was a way to break free of the pain.

Sometimes you feel like the pain in your heart is too unbearable. It had to be released.

So I found a razor, and just…cut.

I watched as the blood trickled down the floor. My arms were covered with pinkish scars, from my recent injuries.

The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain I felt.

My best friend was gone.

My sister was gone.

My mom was no longer home.

My brother and friends are moving on while I'm stuck here in slow motion.

I just didn’t see the point in living anymore.

*****

The sun glared at me through the dark black curtains. I had replaced everything bright in my room with something dark. It matched my mood well.

“KENNNNNNNYY!” Hannah yelled, bursting through my door.

I squinted through my sleepy eyes. Hannah stood over my bed, hands on her hips.

“What.” I groaned.

Just leave me here to die.

“Come on,” Hannah said, yanking my sheets off. “Get dressed. We’re going shopping.”

“No.”

“I won’t take that as an answer.” she said sternly. “Now go!”

“I don’t wanna go anywhere!” I protested.

“YOU WILL.” Hannah said loudly. “EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOU THERE MYSELF!”

I sat there, stunned. Hannah had never yelled before.

“But--”

“NO BUTS!”

“Okay.” I mumbled, stomping to my closet door.

I don’t really want to go shopping.

I hate the sunlight.

I carelessly threw on an old unwashed pair of skinny jeans and an oversized LIFE IS A BITCH t-shirt and my black chucks.

Hannah watched me, her face disapproving.

“Look at you,” she sighed. “You’re out of clothes, Kenny.”

“I don’t want any.” I muttered.

She pushed me to my small bathroom and made me wash my face. Then I brushed my teeth as she brushed my hair. Then she highlighted my lids with dark eyeliner and mascara. I didn’t want to wear makeup anymore, since it would just get smudged from the crying anyway.

“Alright.” she said. “That’s the best for now.”

No, what’s best is for me to just be left alone.

But I didn’t want to lose Hannah. She was the only one there for me right now.

“I don’t have any money,” I said, coming up with a last minute excuse.

She shot me that ‘nice-try’ look. “I’m paying for everything.”

I forgot that Hannah was rich.

The sun nearly blinded me.

I was always inside my room, so I wasn’t used to it anymore.

This day was going to be hell.

*****

Hannah took me to her favorite place-hot topic. The only clothes I bought were the darkest skinny jeans I could find. Hannah bought me five pairs of those and six pairs of different plaid designs and such. I also bought a couple of hoodies. I hated orange and yellow, so I avoided them as much as possible. They were too bright. Too cheerful.

“Really,” Hannah said. “Is that all you’re buying?”

“It’ll last for a couple of months.” I mumbled.

Hannah sighed and paid for everything. Then she took me to a couple of different stores, making me dress up and try on a bunch of things.

I tried to be cheerful, but it just wasn’t my disposition anymore. And I know that it pained her that I was like this.

But as hard as I tried, I really couldn’t smile. It was forced…unnatural and made me even more depressed that I wasn’t happy anymore.

Hannah's POV

Kenny was like a walking zombie. Everything she did, she did it without smiling. Normally, she would be smiling and flitting around the room like an over-excited kid who had too much sugar.

Normally she would be up for shopping, dressing up, and taking goofy pictures of each other. Right now, I had to give her a light push if I wanted her to move. Last week when I took her to one of the other stores to shop, I had to go in the dressing room with her to dress her and move her around like some kind of mannequin. It was awful.

And I blamed Chris for it.

It was all his fault.

It was his fault for not being there for her. It was his fault that she was like this. Kenny was like a broken person walking around without a heart.

“Kenny?” I knocked in her dressing room. “Are you done?”

She didn’t reply.

Confused, I opened her dressing room. And gasped.

The shirt was halfway on her body, stuck over her head and face. It revealed a bunch of scars on her arms and stomach.

Kenny’s been cutting herself.