SnowBaz Oneshots

Happy Person

Okay So This One Mentions Depression, Attempted  Suicide, And Self Harm. Please Do Not Read If This Relates To You At All. Bye!

     --Me

*Simon's POV*

"Baz! Come here!" I sang put into our flat. I roll over on my back on the red sofa, staring up at our ceiling and make fake patterns in the paint. "What is it, Love? I'm about to get in the shower, can it wait?" My soulmate yells back. I whine, even though I know he can't here from our bathroom, and tell him that it can't wait a second. He stomps in, only a towel covering his bottom half, and a glare placed on his beautiful face. I stretch out my arms and open and close my hands like a child does when it wants to be held, which is exactly what I want at the moment. "Don't be a child, Snow. What was so important that it can't wait another fifteen minutes for me to clean myself?" He says, trying to sound angry, but failing. "Come cuddle with me." I plead, pouting my lip. He shakes his head, fighting off a smile, and says that I act like a child, then leaves to the bathroom anyway. I try to yell for him to come back, but he closes, and most likely locks, the door before a word can leave my mouth. My eyes prick with tears, while my mind starts to imagine the worst reason why he walked away. 'You are being annoying. He doesn't like cuddling with you, and why would he? You are too clingy and needy. You act like a child, Baz even told you so. You need to stop being so immature and act your age. Or else Baz will leave, he won't deal with you forever if you stay like this. Don't ask for stupid things, don't be such a cry baby, just keep Baz here. Unless you want him to leave you forever.' A venomous voice, that often talks to me when I am upset, hisses. Tears rain down my cheeks, knowing that the voice is right, and I rush to the bedroom to calm down before Baz is done showering. If he saw me like this, bawling and shaking, he would definitely think I'm too immature and leave. I grab the tissues that are on the bedside table, and fall down, face first, onto the bed. 'Calm down already. Baz will be out in any moment and he can't see you like this. Do you want him to leave?' The voice barks inside my head. I try to deny it, say that Baz wouldn't leave me, but the voice insists, and, eventually, I listen. I know it's right, which only makes me cry more. My cries turn into whines, then my whines turn into sobs. I try to quiet myself down, but the pain and fear have taken over. 'He doesn't love you. He will leave the moment he steps into this room and sees you acting like the baby you are.' The voice roared in my head. My will to fight back is gone. I let the voice tell me how awful boyfriend I am, tell me the truth about how everything I do just drives everyone crazy. Sobs wreck my body again, making my throat hurt and my voice hoarse. The tissues become soaked as I try to wipe away the tears and snot running down my face. I throw them into the wastebasket, only to miss and them land on the floor. 'You can't even do a simple task, you bloody prick. Clean up your mess, including yourself. That's what you are: a mess. A gigantic mess that everyone around you keeps having to clean up.' The voice hisses. I nod and start to stand to go and pick up the trash, but with my vision blurred by the tears, I stumble and fall to the ground. I crawl to the mess and start gathering the used tissues in my hands. 'Throw them away already.' The voice demands. I crawl my way to the wastebasket and drop the trash inside, only to realize that I should be doing the same to myself. I'm trash, so don't I belong in the trash can? At least if I were there, I couldn't be annoying anyone, especially Baz. I wish the basket wasn't only a foot tall, if it was bigger I could do what needs to be done. Throw away myself. Make sure that everyone doesn't have to take care of me, babysit me, anymore. 'Trash, a baby, annoying, needy, useless, terrible, all the things you are. You know it's true. You need to just die. That way no one would have to deal with you anymore.' The voice ordered. A part of me says that I shouldn't, that killing  myself isn't the answer, but this part gets shot down immediately by the poisonous voice. 'You know I'm right. It's the only way for you to help Baz, and everyone, get rid of you completely. You couldn't be a baby and irritate your so called 'loved ones' anymore. You'd be helping everyone around you if you just died. Do it. Stop being everything you are, and do something to be rid of yourself completely. Do it.' The voice demands. I shake my head, but my body listens to the voice. I start moving towards the bed, reaching under it to grab the gun Baz made me keep under there when he is gone. I lift the heavy metal into my hands, getting used to the feeling of it. I'm still crying, making tears drop down and onto the gun. A quiet sob goes through me as I switch the gun to my dominate hand. 'This is the only way. It's the only way to let people get on with their lives without you dragging them down. Do you want to drag them down? Drag Baz down? Do it, let him move on with the life he deserves. A life that doesn't involve you.' The voice says in a some what soothing tone. I nod, and grab the box of bullets that rests under the bed. I take out one, knowing that is all I will need, and check the gun to see how to put it in. I sit down on the floor, legs crossed, and examine the powerful weapon in my clutches. I see a little notch on the bottom of the handle, and pull on it. A long attachment falls out and lands on the wooden floor with a loud clink. I look up, afraid that Baz heard, but after a few seconds of no commotion, I decide that he didn't notice. I manage to figure out how to put the bullet in the holder, then push the attachment back into the gun. 'One shot to the head, then everyone will be happy. Just one pull of the trigger, and you won't be the baby you are now. Just one shot.' The voice persuades. I put the end of the gun to the side of my head, knowing that this is where I need to shoot, and close my eyes. I only have one thing on my mind, Baz. I see him coming in after his shower and smiling happily as he sees me lifeless on the floor, knowing he doesn't have to take care of me anymore. Him calling Penny to tell her the good news, them casting my body away. I smile a little when I think of them going on with their lives. Penny getting married to Micah, Baz finishing uni and getting the job at Watford he always wanted. I put my finger on the trigger, the grin never leaving my face, and slowly pull the trigger. 'Faster. Pull faster. You don't deserve to stay in this world any longer. Pull the trigger.' The voice commands. Silent tears roll down my face, but I keep my smile. I won't leave this world without it. Just as the trigger is about to reach the end, I'm knocked to the ground. The gun falls out of my hand, skidding across the wooden floor and stopping against the wall. I open my eyes, trying to see what happened, but come nose to nose with someone that shouldn't be in here. "What. In. The. Bloody. Hell. Were. You. Doing?" Baz says in a staccato rhythm. His magic radiates off of him, but something else does too. Anger. I look into his eyes, but only see black hatred. And fear. His mouth is set in a straight white line, and he looks into my eyes waiting for my answer. 'Get the gun. You won't have to answer if you are dead. And Baz won't be mad anymore. Get the gun.' The voice suggests. I blink a few times, trying to clear my vision from the tears still flowing freely, but it only works for a second. I see a blob of black a less than a meter away, and start to make my way around Baz and toward it. But before I'm able to grab it, I'm knocked to the floor again. Baz is above me, legs straddling my waist, and my wrists pinned down beside me. I try to wiggle free, avoiding even glancing at Baz for a second. He notices. I feel my hands getting pinned below his knees, and a firm grip on my chin making me face him. I look up, unable to avoid his intense gaze any longer, and come to stare at an even angrier Baz. "Simon, what in the actual bloody hell were you doing?" He seethes. Another round of sobs take over. They break through me and come out in loud harsh noises. I try to calm down, because I know that Baz doesn't want to see me like this. 'You couldn't do one simple thing right. All you had to do was pull the bloody trigger, you freak. And you couldn't do it. Now you have to go back to bringing everyone down. Now you will stay the piece of trash you are.' The voice groans. Baz is still glaring at me, waiting for an explanation, but the wrecked sounds coming from me prevent me from giving him what he wants. Baz waits for me to stop being a cry baby, but I guess he sees that I won't be stopping any time soon. He picks me up, making me cry more because now he is taking care of me and he should be doing his own thing, and carries me to the bed. He sits down, back against the headrest, and places me in his lap, facing him. He shakes his arms around my waist and pulls me close to him, and I break. I throw my arms around his neck and bury my face in the crook of his neck. I notice he doesn't have a shirt on, and that he is still partly wet, but I don't acknowledge it. I wail and sob. I bawl and sneeze. I'm a mess. A true mess. And Baz will have to clean me up, like always. He reaches up and stars to stroke my hair, trying to make me calm down. I focus on him, on his breathing and soft touches. Try to match them and calm down. I need to calm down. And maybe Baz can help.