SnowBaz Oneshots

Forever

*Basilton's POV*

"I can't keep having this fight!" I yell as Simon paces in front of me.

He has his hands buried in his bronze curls, pulling as hard as he can. Tears are streaming down his red (yet still beautiful) face. His usually bright blue eyes are clouded and dark, rimmed with red from his tears. There was a time when I'd see him like this, and immediately apologize for whatever I did to cause it. Pull him to me and wipe every shred of sadness from his face. But things have changed. Now, I stay sitting on the edge of the sofa. Watching as he slowly gets more and more upset.

"W-What?" Simon asks, voice cracking. He stops his pacing and stands in front of me. As I look up at him, I notice his hands have dropped to his sides, but the tears flow freely.

"I can't do this anymore, Simon. I can't keep reassuring you that I love you." I say, finally standing. I shove my hands in my pockets as soon as I see his hands reach for mine. It only makes him sob, stepping closer to me and wrapping his arms around my frozen body.

"I'm so sorry, Darling. I-I-I didn't, don't, I j-just-" He cuts himself off with another heartbreaking sob.

Slowly, I lift my hands and push his arms off of me. He looks up at me in almost horror, but I know it's only shock. I've never pushed him away before. I never thought I'd have to.

There was a time when all I wanted was Simon Snow. A time in which I'd gladly give everything, including myself, up just to hold him against me. I'd cry myself to sleep every night, knowing that I'd never have the golden boy all to myself. I'd do anything just to get Simon Snow to see how I felt, and hope to anything that he would feel the same. It tore me apart for years, pining for the love of my life. My soulmate.

Now, I have him. I have the one thing that I always dreamed of. I love this man more than words can describe. He is my life. I honestly wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. He has made into the person I want to be be. Made me feel the love that I never got to feel before. Simon Snow has changed my life, in the best way possible. Yet he can't see it.

No matter how many times I tell him, show him, beg him to see, how much I truly am in love with him, he brushes it all off. Tells me I'm lying. Tells me that I don't feel that way, I'm just saying it all to keep him from crying. What's the point of staying, if he can't see the love I have for him?

"Stop, Simon." I say as he tries once more to push himself to me. Tears that I was able to hold back before start to finally make their way down my face. But I don't bother to wipe them away, he deserves to see what he is doing to me.
"Do you know how much it hurts when you ask if I love you? Do you know how much it kills me when you say that I'm lying to you about my feelings?! Do you really think I'm faking all of this?!" I can feel my voice rising without meaning to, but I don't stop. I've been holding this all in for months now.

"Dar-"

"No! You don't get to say 'sorry' and move on. Not this time." I start out, knowing that this fight isn't going to end how all the others have. This will end in flames.

"For months, months, Simon, you keep coming to me to tell me that you feel unloved. That you feel that I'm not doing enough to make you feel that you are cared about. But what else can I do? I've tried everything! Every time you have a problem, I fix it! Every time you need something, I get it! Every time you say that you need more, I give pieces of myself to you! Slowly breaking myself just to make you happy! Why can't you see how much I love you, Simon?! Why can't you just look pass all of your problems for one moment to see how much I'm tearing myself apart?!"

Before I know it, I'm full on screaming at Simon. A sick pleasure builds in me as I see him fall to his knees in sobs and tears. He deserves to break, just once. Maybe then he'd know how I've felt every single day for the past few months. Maybe he can feel the pain of knowing that the one you love the most hurts you the most. Because that's what he's been doing to me.

"Simon, I love you. I love you more than there are stars in the sky, or secrets in the ocean. You are the person that was made for me. And I'd do anything for you, but it seems that you don't feel the same. I know you have problems, but you aren't the only one! Bloody hell, Simon, do you realize that you haven't asked me how I am in over four months?! Never seeing if I needed help. A shoulder to cry on? Or even a single person to just listen?! I offer everything I have and more to you. You've done nothing to show how much you supposedly 'love' me." I spit at him. Every single feeling, ache, that I've felt for what seems like forever comes pouring out.

As the word fly out of me, I realize the truth to them. Simon says that I don't show my love for him, but he has never, not even once, shown a single care about me. He tells me he loves me, but there's no feeling. It's like he has put up an unbreakable wall between us, but expects me to push my way through to him. Only to have him keep moving further away from me and continuing to build more walls.

"B-Baz, p-pl-please, don't g-go! I-I'm so, so, so sorry! I-I'm broken, okay?! I-I don't kn-know how t-t-to let
s-someone in. All of my l-life,
p-people lied ab-about th-their feelings. N-No one tr-tr-truly cared about me." Simon begs me.

I stand by the door of our apartment, tears streaming down my face. I want to over to him, to tell him that everything is going to be okay. But I know that I can't. I can't because I know it won't work. I'll tell him I love him, that alls forgiven, then in two days he will come to me crying. Saying the exact same words he has been telling me since we got together four months ago.

Simon rises to his feet, but doesn't bother to step any closer to me. Which I'm grateful for, because if he came any closer, I'd lose the fight against myself. I'd break and give in like I have always done. Not this time.

"Baz," He starts again, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "I-...please stay. Stay, with me. I c-can't lose you. I know I'm a terrible boyfriend. I know. It's just so hard to see how someone like you, someone perfect, can l-love someone like this. A mess of a person. I can't do anything right! You, Baz, you deserve better. You deserve someone who isn't broken." As he finishes, he slowly steps closer to me, but I stand my ground. I won't give in.

"You aren't the only broken one, Simon." I mutter, realizing that it's over. We can't keep doing this to each other. Both of us deserve more.

He tried to say something else, but I don't give him the chance. I push my lips against his for the last time. I try to convey every feeling I have in this kiss. Every ounce of anger, pain, longing, and love.

Our tears mix together on our faces as we kiss. I want this kiss to last forever, because then I wouldn't have to leave. If this kiss never ended, then we would be okay. Never again have to fight. Never again get hurt by each other beyond fixing. After this kiss, it's all the end.

After what seems like forever, but still isn't near long enough, I pull away from my love. I stare into Simon'a blue, blue eyes. I give him a sad smile, and swipe my thumbs under both of his eyes, wiping away his tears.

"It's all going to be okay, Love. Everything will be okay." I tell him. I give him just one more kiss to the forehead, and walk away. Out of the apartment. Out of the building. Out of my love's life. Forever.