SnowBaz Oneshots

Nothing Will Change

"Please. Just stop. I can't take it anymore."

I used to think that we were going to be forever. That nothing in the world could break us. But I failed to realize that one thing could. One things could rip us apart: each other.

We were never ones to settle, to calm down. We went on forever. At first it was good. Our love was filled with days long kisses, endless confessions of love, constant compliments, and ongoing happiness. Now, it's different. It's not days long kisses, it's days long fights. It's endless screams. Constant insults. Ongoing sadness and anger. I want to go back. I want us to be us again. Not whatever we have become...

"Simon, don't go. We can work this out. Please."

I remember when we first bought this flat. You were so excited to live with me. And, secretly, I was excited too. Ever since I met you I knew I wanted to live with you for the rest of my life.

The day we moved in, you spilt wine on the carpet. Leaving the stain that is  still there after all these years. I can still see the horrified face you had. Nearly in tears, you tried to scrub the stain out. Of course, I complained that you had already ruined the flat after only living in it for less than a day, but on the inside I was so happy. Happy that you had made that stain. Happy that you cared so much about making this house a home that you apologized a million times, though just having you there, with me, was perfect by itself. Anything with you is perfect.

"Baz, we can't. We have tried for months. I don't know what happened to us, but it's over. Whatever we had is gone. I can't take fighting with you all the time."

Our first fight. Our first real fight. Two years ago. I know it was my fault. We had planned a date. Our first date to celebrate us graduating uni together. You had made sure to make it wonderful. I was, am, so in love with you that anything would've sufficed. Take out food in the alley would've sufficed.

10 o' clock. That was the time we were suppose to meet at the restaurant. From there we were going to go to the park, an ice cream shoppe, and make our way back home to cuddle while watching our favourite movies. The perfect date. However, none of it ever happened. We met at 10 o' clock at our chosen restaurant, and only 20 minutes into the date you were calling Penny to go stay the night with her while I went home. Alone. Angry. Desperate.

I didn't see you for three days. I didn't hear your voice, didn't share your happiness, didn't tell you I loved and missed you. Instead, I made the worst decision of my life.

I called him to get back at you, even though there was nothing to get back at you for. You did nothing wrong. Of course, he came. I called, he came, and he stayed. Afterward, I thought that I had done the right thing. That you deserved it. So, he stayed another night. And after a week since our perfect date, you came over. He had already left, because he knew, even when I thought I didn't, that I still loved you and only wanted, needed, you. You walked in, bawling your eyes out and apologizing for everything you didn't need to apologize for. When I saw you, something snapped inside me. I knew that I loved you. That I needed you back. And that I had done something I never should've been forgiven for...

You knew he came over before I had the chance to tell you. You saw the clothes he left behind. You smelt his strong cologne. Immediately, you went back to Penny's and I didn't see you for a month.

Somehow I convinced you to take me back. Somehow you forgave me and suddenly it was like nothing ever happened. We were perfect again. We never talking about the weeks in which we didn't speak to each other. Never spoke of my horrible actions. Nothing. It was forgotten.

I still think about it. I'm still sorry. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I have done to you. I've done so many hurtful things, it's a wonder you are here now. But I still want you. I want you to stay. With me. Forever. I can't lose you, Simon. I can't...

"Simon. Stay. Please. I can't lose you. Not again. Not ever."

I can't let you go. I won't let you go. I need you here with me. I know what it's like to not have you by my side. To not see your beautiful face every morning. To not be able to love you.

We argue. We fight. We scream and cry and say things that should never be said. But I still love you. I will never stop loving you. I will fight, but for us. I will scream, to tell you how much you mean to me. I will cry, when you are sad and need an understanding person by your side. I will say everything you deserve to hear. That you are the best person. That you are beautiful. Smart. Funny. Perfect. Everything I need in my life. The only thing I need in my life.

"I love you, Simon. Always and forever."

"I love you, too, Baz. Nothing will change that."