Just let me in

Chapter 4

(Kellin's P.O.V)

I found Jax in the woods. The guys and I saw him go into the woods with daphne, but only saw daphne come out again. He was a bit jumpy when I found him, but that must have been because of the break up. He said he was talking to someone who's name begins with ca, but he might have stopped because of me. The only person I could think of was Cassidy. Why would Jax be talking to Cassidy, though? She doesn't talk.

"Jax, who were you just talking to?"

"No one." He replied.

"Really?" He sighed.

"No. Do you really want to know?"

"Well, yeah."

"Cassidy." I felt a pang of guilt. Cassidy and I were friends once. You could almost call us best friends, but me being me, had screwed that up.

She was at my house for a piano lesson with my mum, and I was crying because anabel had broken up with me. My brothers had made me leave my room, so I had no where else to cry. We hadn't spoken in a while, mainly because Cassidy didn't really speak to anyone anymore. She had asked me what was wrong and I told her that it was her fault, even though it wasn't. Anabel had never liked Cassidy and complained about her a lot, so I decided that I would too. I thought that maybe if I hated her too anabel would take me back. I never saw Cassidy's family anymore either. I remember telling her to leave me alone, and that she was no one. I had stormed away, but I didn't miss the hurt expression on her face. She still couldn't look at me, even though it had been months since then. Anabel had taken me back after that, and I didn't speak to Cassidy again after that, but I still felt terrible. The guilt came back every time I saw her. I always thought that Cassidy was beautiful. she had browny blonde hair that fell in curls, and framed her face perfectly. She let her hair cover her eyes all the time. She had coal black eyes that used to shine, but the last time I had looked into them, were dull and lifeless. I wondered what happened to her. She used to have so many friends and people loved her one day she just wouldn't talk to anyone. I wanted to ask, but I didn't have the courage to face her after what I had done.

"What actually happened between you and Cassidy, Kel?" Jax asked, breaking the silence.

"Um, well ...uh I was a jerk to her. We uh we used to be pretty close. It was when she stopped talking to people. Anabel had broken up with me and for some stupid reason I thought that if I hated Cassidy too then she would take me back. I said some things to her. I mean, anabel did take me back, but I still feel guilty for doing that to Cassidy." Jax was silent for a few moments probably processing what I had just told him.

"Yeah, you uh kinda were a jerk to her."

"I mean, it's not like I don't regret it, but do you think if I tried to apologise, she would forgive me?"

"Hmmm I'm not sure. Something really bad must have happened to her. Not just you, but something else."

"Wait, what? Why do you think that?"

"Uh I uh found her...um... she was self harming."

"What?!"

"Yeah, but I took the blade, so hopefully she'll stop."

"She just handed it to you?"

"Uh, yeah I guess."

"She probably has another blade at home then."

"Wait, how do you know?"

"When we were friends she was always really stubborn."

"Oh. We should keep an eye out then."

"Yeah." What Jax had just told me had shocked me. Cassidy had always said how much she hated when people hurt themselves, so why did she hurt herself? A part of me thought that it was because of me, but I didn't think it was just that. Whatever it was I needed to get to the bottom of it. I walked to my house with the boys, but the whole way I was subdued. I couldn't stop thinking about Cassidy, and if I had just been there for her, maybe she wouldn't have been cutting herself today. If one thing was certain, I sure as hell was going to find out what happened to her.