Just let me in

Chapter 16

It had been a week since I told Mikey about the accident. Everything was fine. We want to school together and did the chores and the boys helped me cook. The bullying carried on but not as much, because I had to walk home with the boys so of course Anabel acted nice to me to get on Kellin's good side. The only strange thing was Jax. We were put into a new seating plan thing and I was next to him in biology. At first if I walked past him in the hallway he would give me the pity eyes. I hated that. It made me so angry. I didn't need or want his pity. Some days he would come into class and try and make conversation but I always gave him straight answers, and he soon stopped trying. I knew if daphne or max or any of the others found out that I was talking to Jax I was sure that they would hurt me. So I stayed quiet. Other days he came in and if I asked him anything he was rude or ignored me like everyone else. He even gave the 'who said you could talk to me? Who do you think you are?!' Look. I tried to stay clean for the boys, but I gave into myself. Friday was the worst. My bullies had cornered me in the bathroom and the boys kicked me onto the floor, calling me names. I was shouting in pain, but they just laughed at me.
"Look at the mute! She's so stupid! She thinks that someone actually cares about her. Someone actually cares enough to come in here and stop this! You think that don't you? Fat bitch. You're so ugly that no one could ever love you or even like you!" They all laughed at what max and daphne were saying. I just shut up. I stopped talking and instead just let them punch and kick me. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks and an occasional whimper escaped my lips. Suddenly I heard a loud crack and I screamed in pain.
"Run. Someone's coming." They left each kicking me one more time. I laid there on the floor waiting, but no one came. I slowly turned clutching my side and picked up my phone from under one of the benches and looked at it to see a message from max.
M- Tell anyone about today and your dead, ok? I'll know if you tell anyone, and I'll find you. You can't hide.
C- I won't. Please leave me alone.
M- Hah! Not a chance! Maybe for a few days, though. I'm not a monster.
C- ok. What did I ever do to you max?
The conversation ended there. I knew max didn't have the best family life an he had never really liked me but I didn't know what I had ever done to him, to any of them for them to hate me so much. I knew that the boys would have left by know so I just laid on the floor for another 10 minutes. Kellin, his friends and Anabel were staying for this next week at school and then for winter half term. Well this would be fun if I could get up. I leant on the bench and tried to get up but had to clutch my side because of the pain. I was sure that I had broken a rib. I started to walk but stumbled and fell onto the hard concrete floor, hitting my head. I felt something sticky run down the side of my head and noticed that I was bleeding from hitting it. I looked at myself in the mirror after getting up and realised that I couldn't go back like this, so I started to clean myself up, wincing when I touched the cut on my forehead. I had to lean on the wall and had definitely sprained my ankle. I limped to the bus stop and as I got there the bus left. Great day I was having (!). After waiting half an hour I finally got back to the boys' house. I murmured a 'hi' and trudged upstairs. I slammed the door shut and laid on my back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
"Ooh someone's angry!" I heard laughing outside my door before three of the guys barged in. Lucky me. It was the three that hated me the most. Zach, Toby and Calum.
"What's the mute up to? Why so angry huh?" I scrunched by knees up to my chest but it hurt so much. Tears filled my eyes as pain shot through my side. I whimpered quietly, but they noticed.
"Oh look the mute can't take a joke can she?" They all laughed. I couldn't stand the pain in my side it was too much.
"P...pleas c...can you go? I...um I need to c...change." I asked quietly.
"We'll go when we want to go."
They stood by the door talking for a while, and I got up to put my things from school away. I was walking past them with my pencil case open when Calum trips me up. The pens go flying all over the floor and I fell clutching my side, gasping. I heard them erupt into laughter.
"Oi mute, what's on your forehead?" Zach asked. He was probably the nicest of the three. I just realised that he could probably see the gash on my forehead from when I hit my head, but I just put my hair over it to cover it up again and got on my knees wincing every time I had to crawl because of my rib.
"I uh I fell over and hit my head earlier. I'm just that clumsy."
"Hah! Stupid." They got up and left. I turned around and leant on the end of the bed clutching my side, hot tears running down my cheeks. I looked up to see Jax standing over me. He was staring at me like I was the most disgusting thing in the world. I looked up at him with a tear stained face. He just turned and left. I started to pick up the remaining pens. As I struggled up Anabel appeared in the doorway.
"You're pathetic." She scoffed before going downstairs. I'd had enough. There was no way. I shut the door and locked it this time before going into the bathroom and doing the same. I pulled out my blade and thought about today. It had been awful. 1 turned to 2 and 2 turned to 4. Before I knew what had happened my arms, thighs and stomach were covered in blood. I stripped of my clothes and went into the shower.
When I was done I took out a few bandages and put them on the deepest cuts. I stared at my reflection. They were right. Everyone was. I was so fat. So ugly. And covered in scars. I opened the door and decided to wear some black leggings and a grey oversized jumper. I walked downstairs and into the lounge. Everyone stopped talking when I walked in, and glared at me. Even Kellin. I looked at the floor and limped over to the end of the sofa, and made myself small. I had taken some pills for my side before I went to the lounge. They continued talking and I just sat there and stared at the ground, until someone hit my shoulder. I turned to who had hit me and rubbed my shoulder. It was Calum.
"Go on, then mute. Go and get the door." I slowly got up with everyone's eyes on me and I heard them whispering. I winced when someone pushed my side and sucked in air to stop me crying out. I went and opened the door to see Daphne standing there.
"Move." She shoved past me and carried on towards the lounge after taking off her shoes and throwing her coat at me. She made sure to shove me in the side when he shoved her way past, which made me double over in pain. I put her coat in the cupboard and hurried after her.
"What are you doing here?" Jax spat at her.
"I was invited to stay for as long as you guys are here."
"By who?"
"Ana and Kel."
"Sorry bro I invited her before you guys broke up."
"It's fine." Daphne walked towards him to sit down. "Don't come near me." He said through gritted teeth.
"Fine." She flicked her hair off her shoulder and walked to where I was sitting before. I just stood by the wall. There was a long awkward silence and we could all practically feel jax's anger. Anabel whispered something to Kel and he jumped up with an evil smirk on his face. He was going to do something funny. It suddenly got really hot and Kellin came back with that smug smirk still on his face. I started to get really hot. Daphne took off her jumper, and a few of the guys rolled up their sleeves if they had them but I was just left there to melt.
"What's wrong Cassidy? Why don't you take your jumper off? Or roll up the sleeves?" Kellin asked. What he said didn't hurt as much as the fact that it was him who had said it, because he knew why I couldn't. I felt my eyes start to tear up as they all laughed at me. I bit my lip to stop myself crying. I was not going to be weak. I couldn't catch a break today!
"I...I can't."
"And why not?" Anabel said.
"I don't want to." I said through gritted teeth.
"Hah she's just looking for attention." Daphne said.
"Really? Do you think Jax will take you back if he realises who you really are." I spat. I didn't need this. I saw her fuming in the corner. Jax looked at me wanting to know why I said what I just said. And then I heard him.
What does she mean? I know who daphne is! Who does she think she is? Oh, she probably knows her differently. She's still being stupid.
"Oh shit!" I ran up to my room and slammed the door. I didn't want to be here. No one wanted me. I was a waste of space. Why couldn't I be with my family. Why did my brother leave me? Because I'm unlovable. I should just go and die. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even notice them walk in. Anabel and Daphne.
"Who the fuck said you could talk? Or talk to us like that. You piece of shit." Daphne kicked me the side where she knew hurt the most. I opened my mouth to scream but my mouth was covered with a hand.
"Scream and we really will put you in a hospital. If you scream we'll tell max." That sent shivers down my spine. I was terrified of max.
"P...please d...don't I....I won't say anything hurt me as much as you like I won't say anything I promise just please don't tell max!" I cried.
"Pathetic." Anabel spat at me and then picked me up and threw me against the wall and daphne slammed my head into it.
"God you're so heavy. Why are you so fat?! You aren't seriously going to eat today are you?" Anabel shouted at me.
"No." I replied quietly. It was barely a whisper but she heard me.
"What happened to no talking?! Max is only a phone call away. And all the guys like him so I could easily ask him to come and stay." I shivered at the thought of it.
"Sorry." They carried on calling me things and trashing my room and going through my photos. They tore up old photos. They were gone and I would never get them back. They finally left and I collapsed on the floor and cried, surrounded by my trashed room. I walked downstairs on shaky legs, clutching my side in pain. The pain was bone crushing. I hoped every day from now until they leave wasn't as bad as this.
"We went upstairs to see what was wrong and she just flipped out. She wrecked everything! I mean you and your brothers worked so hard on her room and it's ruined! She's so ungrateful I don't know why you're putting up with her! You're such an angel, Kel!" Anabel was lying to him completely but I said nothing. I knew they would call max and that terrified me. I have never been so scared of everyone in my whole life! I just walked past with my head down. I saw that he was fuming and he just glared at me. I sighed and walked to the kitchen, looking for and ice pack for my head. Kellin walked in behind me.
"I have nothing to say to you. You're being such an ungrateful bitch Cassidy!" I just looked at the ground as if it was the most interesting thing I'm the whole world. " You don't even have the decency to look me in the eye or even talk to me!" I just kept my gaze fixed on the ground trying my hardest not to break. What happened to my kind and loving Kellin? I let him in and he's hurting me. For him I put my walls down and they were still down then while he had a go at me. "Uh! Just do something useful and make us dinner. We want pizza and you can't find them for yourself." He walked out and I collapsed onto the ground crying and clutching my side. I had definitely broken a couple of ribs. Jax was standing in front of me again, but he didn't say anything. He just stared. I pulled a chair over to me and pulled myself up, all the while still clutching my side. I had never experienced so much physical and emotional pain all at once. Even when my brother left me I was not in this much pain! I started to look around and found the pizzas in the fridge. There was a note taped to them.
"Please eat, Cassidy and if Kellin's an asshole tell him off!
- Josh x :)
I warmed up the pizza and brought it on plates to everyone, avoiding all eye contact. I ran upstairs and started to tidy up until someone called me back down.
"We're sorting out beds." Calum said to me before he turned on his heel and walked away with me following.
"Okay, so I'll go to my room with Ana. Jax and Daphne can have Cassidy's room-" Kellin was interrupted by Jax.
"I ain't sharing a room with her."
"Fine. Jax you go to Cassidy's room and Daphne go to Michael's. Eddie and Jesse can go to my parents room and Jacob, you go to Joshua's room. Calum, Zach and Toby can stay downstairs on the mattresses. Oh, and Cassidy you uh take the sofa unless you want to sleep on the floor. Do whatever. I don't care." I needed to stop letting him hurt me. I just kept my head down. Afterwards I disappeared to my wrecked room to change. I pulled out some sweatpants and one of Kris's old shirts. I was much smaller than him even though I was older than him. I walked into the bathroom to change when I was done the door opened.
"Oh, uh sorry." Jax apologised. I hurried out of the bathroom but he stopped me before I left the room. "Did you do this?" I looked at the ground. "Look at me." He lifted my chin gently. His hand brushed my side and I flinched it hurt even though he hardly touched me. Concern filled his face. "Did you?" I shook my head. I technically didn't speak." Who did then?"
"They did."
"Who Cassidy? I'm trying to help you."
"Well why didn't you when I needed help?" I snapped. I immediately regretted it when I saw Daphne I'm the doorway. I ran past her and downstairs. I lied down on the couch and buried my face into the cushions, and pulled the blanket over my head.
"Is she still awake?"
"Does she know her heads bleeding?"
"Should we wake her up?"
"Just give her a tissue and go to bed already."
"Ok, fine." I felt something on my head but didn't move an inch. We all soon fell asleep and I was glad to escape one of the worst days of my life.