Just let me in

Chapter 11

A.N

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Hopefully I'll update more often. Sorry :/

Thanks for all the reads and votes it means loads!! :)

~ Riya :P

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Cassidy's P.O.V

I was upstairs packing. I literally packed my whole cupboard, but I didn't really have a lot of clothes, and I would definitely need to go out and get some soon. The problem I had was that I didn't have anyone to go with and tell me what looked nice, because if I went by myself everything looked awful. I sighed. What did I ever do to deserve this? I decided to pack one of the spare blades, incase. I made sure to hide it in my socks so that if Kellin ever went through my bag, he wouldn't find it. I went downstairs to find Kellin crying with laughter while watching friends. His laugh was so perfect. I could listen to it all day. Shut up Cassidy. He's your best friend. Neither of you want to be anything more than that, and besides he has a girlfriend, and she already hates you. My head talked some sense into me so I carried on into the kitchen. I saw the boxes that Carrie, Kellin's mother, had packed dinner in for us. I washed and dried them, put them in a bag, and placed the bag next to Kel's stuff. I heard a phone ring, and Kellin walked into the hallway. For some reason I ran up the stairs.

"Hey, babe!" Kellin chirped. I felt a pang in my stomach. I wasn't jealous was I? I couldn't be. It was the fact that it was Anabel. Anabel who wasn't perfect, but who thought she was. Anabel who enjoyed pointing out people's flaws. Who enjoyed other people's misery. Who didn't like getting her perfect hands dirty, so sent her group out to get the people she felt threatened by, but why she was threatened by me I didn't understand. And the worst thing about Anabel for me was, that she didn't deserve Kellin. He was everything she wasn't. He was kind, thoughtful, funny, talented, helpful, smart and generous. Heck, I could go on all day whilst listening to his laugh. Shut up Cassidy, you idiot. You're such an ugly bitch. I mean why are you trying to make Kellin unhappy? He's got a girlfriend and you want to break them up. I felt the familiar itch on my wrists, but this time on my thighs as well. I quietly went the rest of the way up the stairs and got the blade that I hadn't packed from my room before entering the bathroom and letting the blade slice my skin. One cut turned to two. Two to four. Four to eight. Silent tears were running down my cheeks. I heard someone call my name and started to panic. I looked down at my wrists and thighs, and realised that I was sitting in a pool of blood.

"Cassidy?" He was in my room. I didn't know what to do. I was panicked, and there was no way that I could cover this up. "Cassidy? Are you in the bathroom?" He tried to open the door, but luckily I had remember to lock it. I tried to say 'go away' to him, but a strangled sob escaped my lips. Before I knew it I was lying on the floor sobbing, and Kellin was banging on the door. "Cassidy! Open the door! What's happened?! Open the door!!!" A few minutes later I was scooped up and placed on the sink. I was eye level with those green eyes, and they broke me. I couldn't go on.

"K...Kel...I -"

"Shhh. Cassidy! Why? Why did you do it?"

"The...the voices wouldn't stop. They were right, though." I hung my head in shame. He gave me a concerned look, but I couldn't look him in the eyes. I could feel his disappointment, and the fact that he was scared for me.

"Let's clean you up." He walked over to pick up a towel, but before he did, he saw the blade and put it in the bin. I just watched him. I looked into his mind and saw what he saw. The pathetic idiot sat on the sink, covered in blood. But he didn't think that. And I didn't understand why. He saw someone who was hurting. He wanted to know why but he was kind enough not to push me. This guy was special and I didn't want to let him go. He was worried about me and he was going to help me. He started to clean my cuts. I winced a couple of times, but was too ashamed to say anything to him. I was listening to his thoughts. He was worried about me. He cared about me. How could I be so selfish?

"I...I'm sorry, Kel. I know I let you down. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You only meant to hurt yourself. Cassidy, do you know why I ran here through the rain? Why I lied to my girlfriend about where I was? Why I want you to stay with me and my family? Why I'm here? Because I care, Cass. You're my best friend. I hate seeing you hurting like this. You need to know that you can tell me anything. Tell me what the voices are saying, and before they can get to you, I know I can prove them wrong with nothing but the truth. You're beautiful, and smart, kind, completely unselfish and without a doubt the strongest person I know. Please don't do this to yourself. Remember you're not the only one your hurting. Now come here." He pulled me into one of his famous Kellin bear hugs, and kissed the top of my head. He finished cleaning me up and told me to go and change whilst he cleaned up the bathroom. I finished changing and walked into clemmie's room. I sat on the bed and picked up her teddy bear. I looked up to the heavens. I knew clemmie was in heaven. If she wasn't then no one was. She was an angel, my angel.

"Oh, clemmie. I've fucked up. Mind the language, but I have. I'm such a fuck up. I hurt him. The one person I had left. The one person I didn't want to hurt. I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't want this. You have no idea how much I miss you. If I could turn back time and change what happened. If I could've died in that accident instead of you I would change the past. But I can't. And it's killing me. You had so much more of your life to live. I'm sorry. I'm going to give mikey, mikey bear. He misses you. I'm sure of it. I've been into his mind. You know, the freaky way I do." I was crying again now, but that part made me laugh. "I miss you. Talking like this definitely isn't the same. I want my little sister back." I sighed. I couldn't go on, so I picked up her teddy and walked back into my room. She had named him Mikey after Kellin's brother, who was her best guy friend. They loved each other, really. I hate the fact that she would never get to tell him or live out her reality, and it was my fault. The cuts now felt worthwhile, because I really did deserve them.

"Hey, you ready to go? It's not good for you here. If you're thinking bad thoughts again, don't. Your worth everything. Your beautiful and kind and funny and silly and-"

"Shut up." I said playfully. "I'm fine don't worry. I'm just gonna put this in my bag. I'll meet you downstairs?"

"Yeah, ok. Let's get you to mine so you can sleep. You look really pale." He frowned.

"Stop worrying so much. I'll be ok."

"Ok, then. But we should get home soon. My parents are leaving in the evening."

"Ok. I'll be down in a sec." I fake smiled, but his frown didn't waver. He could see right through me, and I was the one with the telepathy. I walked into my room and placed Mikey the bear in my backpack. I walked over to the full length mirror, and took a good look at myself. From my browny blonde hair with bits of gold, to my dull, tired black orbs. I looked at myself. I was a mess. My hair was knotty and my eyes red and puffy from crying. I quickly brushed my hair, pulled on my sleeping with sirens hoodie and dragged my suitcase and backpack down the stairs. Kellin kindly took my heavy suitcase from me. I locked the front door and met him by the gate. After much arguing about why he shouldn't be carrying my suitcase because it was heavy, we finally started walking, him carrying my suitcase and me the lighter backpack. We walked and joked and of course Kel embarrassed me, but it was fun. I was happy. Genuinely happy with Kellin.