A Fighting Chance (Tom Holland AU) [2]

Twenty-Four

"Baby, you did nothing wrong." She hugged me tightly, rubbing my back as I cried. "She was just so excited to meet you."

"I just feel like I started off on the wrong foot. I wasn't able to carry my baby girl to term. If I couldn't be a good mother while she was in the womb, I don't think I'll be a good mother now that she's here."

"Grace, that is the furthest thing from the truth. You are going to be an excellent mother." She kissed my cheek, and I took a deep breath. "Don't beat yourself up like this. She loves you so much she wanted to meet you early."

"You think so?"

"I know so, hon." I smiled, and she grinned at me. "Have you gotten to hold her yet?"

"I mean, kinda. There's a way to hold her through the shelter thingie they have her in so they can ensure she's breathing pure air, and I've held her through that, but neither of us has actually gotten to cradle her close to our chests." I wiped a tear gently, and she sighed at that. "Would you like to go hold her?"

"I'd love to." She smiled, and I grinned as we stood up and made our way back to Annabelle.

The hospital was only able to give us a room the first night after I was technically released, but that was the only night they could because they needed more rooms to be available for other patients.

We woke up every morning and drove to the hospital, staying as long as we could before we drove back to our apartment. Each night as we laid in bed, without fail, at least one of us was crying ourselves to sleep with the pain of not being able to have our daughter with us. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was Tom, but more often than not, it was both of us.

About a week and a half after Annabelle was born, Tom and I were sitting in the chairs we had placed near her. We were sitting in silence for a moment, and my phone began ringing. "It's Ali," I told him, and he nodded. We had already told her and Zendaya, along with a few of our other close friends, what was going on. The two of them were actually supposed to come and meet Annabelle soon. "Hey, babe."

"Hi, Gracie. We're in our Uber from the hotel to the hospital, but there's something you and Tom should know."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. E! News posted an article, and it's full of pictures of you and Tom entering and leaving the hospital. Rumors are starting to fly like crazy."

"Of course they are." I rolled my eyes, and Tom raised an eyebrow. "I'll let him know, and we'll handle it. Thank you for letting me know, Ali."

"Of course. We love you to pieces, okay? We'll see you later." After we hung up, I explained the situation to Tom.

"Should we say something?" This was originally a matter we wanted to keep private, but that was before rumors began.

"I see pros and cons to both saying something and keeping it to ourselves, in all honesty." His voice was soft as he pushed a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I mean, we've always been open about things..." I bit my lip, and he nodded.

"We should say something."

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fullofgrace Originally Tom and I were going to keep this private, but after discussing it between the two of us we believe it's something that we should share. Of course, rumors have been circulating regarding our family, but there's so much more to this than clearing them up. It shows that even famous actors like us can fall victim to uncontrollable circumstances.
Our beautiful bundle of joy, Annabelle Stella Christina Holland-Chance, joined us on March 28th. As happy as the two of us were to finally meet her, we were scared--Annabelle made her debut nine weeks too soon.
With her being born so early, there was an increased risk of underdevelopment, so she was placed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) upon delivery. We didn't even get a chance to hold her before they took her back.
I recovered from the birth at an expected rate; unfortunately, Annabelle's lungs were determined to be underdeveloped. My biggest fear came to light when I was released from the hospital without ever getting to actually hold my daughter.
The first night after my release, the hospital was kind enough to give Tom and I a courtesy room so we could stay with our baby girl. This would be the only night, though, as they were unable to continue to do so due to an increased need for rooms. My heart shattered as I walked out of the hospital while leaving my daughter there.
For the past week and a half, Tom and I have been making the drive to the hospital every day to see her. She's being kept in a protective shelter to prevent her lungs from inhaling unpure air, but she's yet to leave--neither one of us have been able to hold her outside of the shelter. Neither one of us have had her cradled up against our chest, and it kills me inside.
She's doing perfectly well, don't get me wrong. The NICU team is constantly monitoring her, and her lungs keep improving, but it's unfortunately not enough to bring her home at this point in time.
Seeing her open her beautiful little eyes and take a look at the (albeit limited) world around her makes our pain briefly disappear, of course, but the two of us are broken. The pain of leaving a piece of you behind every night is unimaginable--there's not a night that goes by where at least one of us doesn't cry ourselves to sleep while leaving her behind in the NICU. More often than not, both of us do.
We ask that everyone respects our privacy as we go through this as a family. Our main focus is on making sure Annabelle grows strong enough to come home with us, so we'll both be taking a social media hiatus so we can heal and focus on our baby girl.

Tagged: tomholland2013

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