Hold my hand and dont let go (bts x depressed reader)

fat? fat.

a/n: just saying this is about what i go through since my whole life practically 3rd grade so im sorry if it touches you uncomfortably. Also hey guys I'm back! 💯

y/n

Its been a phew more months and still feel like shit. I started straight at the mirror seeing imperfection. Looking and staying on instagram seeing the girls that look so thin how perfectly their pale skin was flawless. I sighed and looked straight at my face then my thighs, then onto my stomach.

"Y/n, wheres your bar soap?"  Namjoon said in the shower, he's been living with me every since his dad went to America for a big surgery.

"Oh! its um the bottle it should say body wash!" I said out of a surprise. I looked back at the mirror lifting up my shirt seeing my gut hang out. I wrapped my hands around my thigh to see if they were thin enough. My thumbs couldn't reach out to touch one another. Then my chin and jaw i pinched and laid my hand on my jaw, it wasn't flat enough.

Namjoon got out of the shower, "Hm? You know that people aren't going to care about how flat ur stomach is, just let lose it's almost summer." I nodded and smile. "Just remember I'm here."  He smiled, held my hand and kissed it. "Now shoo im gonna change," ruffling my hair and closing the door I looked up to the ceiling. Seeing the fan spin I remembered something.

flashback

"Because I love you...Don't ever leave my side, Park Jimin!" I said grabbing the razor cutting my own hand.
End of flash back

Lifting my hand to my face seeing the fine line. I smiled a bit. Then just rested my arm down. Seeing the bedroom door open Namjoon looked over at the couch, "Get up lazy we have school." I sighed and walked out opening the door and walked out. Seeing Yoongi come out the door too I looked at him and smiled, "Ooh are you too dating~?" Yoongi asked in a childish voice as if he was taunting us. "What?! No! You should k-know this!" I said while slapping his arm, "Hey! Hey now calm down i was just teasing you," he says as he pinches my cheek and puts his arm around me. I blew a piece of my hair out of my face and crossed my arms as we walked.

*Ring Ring* We hear a bike coming towards us, "Yah! Y/n! Move! I don't want this to be like the first time we met!" I moved fast to the side and Jungkook paused to smile at me, "Wow Yoongi got the good deal, haha," noticing that i was pressed against him I slightly blushed. "Your more quiet than usual, hmm...Oh! Did something good happen? Did Jin get you another gift?" I was slightly confused. "I mean I'm just happy to see you guys guys being happy together, but no, Jin never gave me a gift, he hasn't gave me a gift since like Christmas," Jungkook looked confused but shook it off. "I'll walk with u guys it's tiring biking all the time." He hopped off the bike and started to walk next to Namjoon.

As we got to school we see Jimin, Hoseok, Taehyung and Seokjin. I smiled and waved. Taehyung jumped and waved up in the air saying "Hi Y/n!" Then there was Jimin and Hoseok who immediately started to noticed Taehyung and start to laugh. I ran up to him and hugged him. I shoved me face into his chest and he giggled a bit. Everyone seemed so delighted and happy, I looked over to Jin he didn't notice me looking but he was onto the side looking down at the ground, Namjoon patted his shoulder, "Hm? Are you okay?" Once he patted his shoulder he turned his head and saw me, his eyes looked shocked and lifeless, "Yeah, yeah no I'm great." He answered the taller one.

Once the bell rang I went to my first class with Jungkook. Smiling at him as I sat down a laid my books down and noticed Jungkook turning down his smile and he starts to speak, "Have you been eating? Or been eating a normal amount? I'm just asking by the way!" I looked at him with a blank stare for a while and smiled right after, "No I'm good. I swear." I lied to him. I haven't been eating a lot, or been even eating normally.

Lunch came around, I sat there with my bottle of water and mints.

"Is that really the only thing you're gonna have for lunch?" Yoongi came from behind and asked. I nodded, "Yeah I'm pretty broke." I shrugged and Yoongi immediately gave me his food instead, "Here eat." I was shocked he would often eat his food and keep it to himself. "T-thanks?" He nodded and pulled out some food he got from the girls that liked him. Namjoon saw me eating he patted me on the back and smiled "Oh wow! Good job Y/n!!" The others saw and laughed. I smiled and kept eating. I didn't like the fact I was taking in more food than I should. I started to eat faster and all of it, "Woah slow down you're going to chock," said Hoseok i swallowed and drank my water. I felt weird and unhealthy so I went into the bathroom. Closing the stall bathroom and hyperventilating. "What the fuck Y/n. You just ate a whole sandwich." I remember that if i throw up my food I could maintain the same weight. I paused. Bended down so I could throw up putting my two fingers in my mouth and slowly pushing it down my throat, I gagged, and gagged till I shoved my fingers further down my throat and hurled. I didn't know how to feel. All I knew was that the food was gone. I didn't have to worry about how much I consumed, just to know if it went away. I flushed the toilet cleansed my hands with a toilet paper and grabbed another to wipe my face, i threw it in the trash. Washing my hands and putting hand sanitizer I went out and sat down.

No one noticed and just went on talking, "Oh, Y/n my dad got me a place to stay at. So I'm going to need you to stay with the other guys for today so I can clean my clothes and get my stuff packed," Namjoon said to me. "But why do I need to go with the other guys?" I asked, "Because I need to stay focus and not have a small angry nagger distracting me." I shot my mouth wide and punched his arm. The others proceeded to laugh at his comment and the day went on.