The Mesh (Raura)

Chapter 39

"My past. "

Breath catches in my throat. I never thought this moment would come. I give him space in the new silence, not saying a word. He looks down, then gently pushes me to sit on his bed. Our hands remain grasping each other when he takes a place on the sheets next to me.

"You said not to call you until I decide to speak to you about it, so it was either keep quiet about it and let the distance come between us or try to make up with you by telling you.. " he exclaims, deeply sighing. "You're important to me. I wouldn't want something like this coming between us, especially not when you told everyone about us. I just couldn't be the only obstacle to our relationship. "

My heart skips a beat. He's good. He always manages to find the exact words that would strike and leave an impression on me. I rub my nose in anticipation and then bring my hand back down to his. I slowly lean up and give him a small kiss on the cheek. After that, he looks like a puppy getting a reward after doing a command correctly. God, I can't even... 

Don't look at me like that and make me like you even more. Honestly, my biggest problem is that he is so cute all the time. 

I recollect myself.

"Go ahead.", I tell him assuringly. "Whenever you feel like it."

"Okay. Let me just think of where to start.."

Ross is nervous. I can feel it in the way his hand slightly shakes. 

"Take it easy. "

Ross sighs and scratches the back of his neck. He struggles finding the beginning to his story but manages it somehow.

"You see.. When I was younger, I was into music. It was like everything I thought about ever since I was six. My brother Hunter was the same so when we finally got our first guitars, we started practicing together. It was around my eighth year and his twelveth. After a few years, four to be exact, we began writing our own songs. They were stupid and childish but we really enjoyed them and they gave us the precious time together in the basement, working and having fun at the same time. We were lost in our own daze and when our friends heard we could play and sing, they started inviting us to their parties and get-togethers to perform for them. "

I'm confused as to what does this have with anything we ever talked about but I guess I will link the story parts later.

"When I turned fifteen, he was almost nineteen at the time, we started getting invitations to play in bars and cafés too. We did it for our own fun, no business involved. Together, we made a lot of friends and spread our circles. Colton came to each and every one of our gigs. He wasn't especially talented for singing and he wasn't interested in playing guitar, but he had this undescribable love for drums. He joined our little party by buying a set of cheap drums and played alongside with us. "

Interrupting him with a random fact is stronger than me so I do just that. "I heard from my grandmother that he bought the drums but I never thought of it seriously. "

I smile as I remember her scolding me about how Colton has dreams and is working on himself while I don't think about the future and sulk every day. Those were the years after I lost my mother and after my father went to prison. I was just a little girl on the edge of her teens whose entire family was blown to pieces. No support system, no mom, no dad, just me and my broken childhood. Where do you find the ambition to live in that state? Every day was just a black hole full of nothingness. So, when Grandmother kept mentioning how good Colton was doing, I just couldn't help but shut him out of my life. I'm sure everyone has a time in their life when it's just so hard to see people being happy and doing well when their whole life is falling apart. It's the bottom of despair.