I fell in love

Chapter 4

We both decided to head outside and go to the grocery store. My stocks are nearly empty. 

We didn't talk much after we finished eating. The air between us had settled into something muted, not tense, but not exactly easy either.

Without needing to be asked, she stood up and started clearing the table. The clinking of plates and the rush of running water filled the silence. 

Her back was turned to me, sleeves slightly rolled, as she rinsed each dish with practiced ease. 

I sat there for a moment, watching her, unsure if I should say something or just let the quiet stretch a little longer.

She didn't look back when she spoke. She just said, almost gently, that I should go get ready so we could head out before it got too late.

There was something soft in the way she said it, something that made me feel like things were okay even if neither of us was saying much.

Hindi ko maiwasang titigan ang sarili sa salamin. Kumunot ang aking noo at napaisip. 

Why am I cheating with my boyfriend? 

The silence of the room made it worse.

My reflection stared back, lips still tingling with the memory of her, and it didn't feel like a secret thrill anymore.

It felt like the exact moment everything broke inside me. I kissed Althea. And that meant I cheated on Luke.

The weight of that truth pressed down on my chest until it hurt to breathe. My stomach twisted.

I betrayed him. 

I kept hearing his voice in my head, the way he always spoke with so much trust, the way he looked at the two of us like we were the only people he could rely on.

I crossed a line that can't be uncrossed.

But what haunted me more was how she acted after. Althea was calm. Almost untouched by it all.

No guilt in her eyes, no trembling hands, no silence thick with regret. She looked at me like it was normal.

And I kept asking myself why. Why was it okay for her? How could she let it happen when she knows him better than anyone?

They were best friends. Grew up together. Knew each other's hearts like the back of their hands.

And still, she kissed me back without flinching. Without even looking away.

Was it something she's always wanted? Something she planned? Or did she just stop caring about the damage it would cause?

Whatever her reason was, it didn't stop the guilt from tearing me apart. It didn't make me feel any less like a liar. 

And I hate it. I hate how I actually like it.

And then suddenly, the truth sank in, raw and terrifying.

I am not innocent in this. I am aware. Fully aware of what I'm doing, of what it means, of who it could break.

I know it's wrong. 

But I cannot stop. 

 I don't understand what's driving me to keep coming back to her, to what we're doing.

All I know is that some part of me wants it. Some part of me likes it. And that part scares the hell out of me.

Ilang ulit akong umiling bago tuluyang magpasya. Kailangan ko na kumilos at baka mapatag pa ang paghintay niya sa akin.