I fell in love

Chapter 25

The moment I walked into the house I grew up in, everything came rushing back. The scent of the old wood, the quiet creak of the floor beneath my feet, the worn-out photos on the shelf, everything felt exactly the way I remembered.

 For the first time in what felt like forever, I didn't feel like I had to hold my breath. I didn't have to pretend. I was just home.

My heart is still broken. What I saw, what she did, still lingers in the back of my mind like a bruise that hasn't faded.

But here, in this place that raised me, the pain feels quieter. It doesn't scream as loud. It doesn't drown me the way it did when I was standing there, watching her with someone else.

Here, I am surrounded by memories that remind me of who I was before the hurt. I feel the warmth of familiarity in every corner.

The silence isn't empty here. It is peaceful. It is healing. And even though I am still hurting, even though the ache hasn't left my chest, at least here I feel held. 

"Everything okay?" Mom asked gently. Her voice was soft as if she knew that hearing her would console me. 

"Yup. Wala pong problema, masakit lang ang mata ko, ma." Nakayukong sambit ko habang naghahanap ng pamalit na damit.

Alam kong gusto ni mama na magkuwento ako. Simula noong pumasok ako, wala siyang ibang ginawa kung hindi sundan ako ng tingin o magtanong kung kumusta ang Maynila.

"Ma, nag uusap tayo almost everyday. You know everything that's going on with my life,"

Hindi ko maiwasan yung pag tutubig ng mata ko. Alam kong hindi ako tatantanan ni mama unless malaman niya yung totoong dahilan kung bakit ako biglang pumunta dito.

"Halika, yayakap na lang ako,"

Lumapit ako at yumakap. Tuluyan nang bumuhos yung luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Masyadong mahigpit yung yakap niya para hindi ko maisip na talagang concern siya.

"Anak..." she kept on rubbing my back. "What happened?"

"Ma..." sa nanginginig na boses, nanginginig na labi, at nanginginig na balikat, hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin ko. I hugged her even more.

Parang yung sakit sa nakita ko kanina, nadagdagan dahil sa yakap ni mama.

"Is this about your friend?" Tanong niya. 

Hindi man niya sabihin, alam kong si Althea ang tinutukoy niya. 

Umiling ako. Pero kalaunan, umamin rin. "Opo," new set of tears came out. "Napapagod na po ako, ma."

"Napapagod ka na sa kaibigan mo?" Malumanay niyang tanong.

For the second time, I shook my head. Huminga ako ng malalim at tumalikod.

"Magbibihis po ako," I cleared my throat. "Lalabas po ako ulit para kumain."

Tumango siya sa akin at pinakatitigan ako kahit pa hindi ko namna siya sinusuklian ng tingin. 

I noticed the way my mom moves around me now, so carefully, like every step she takes is measured. There's a hesitation in her hands, in the way she looks at me, as if she's carrying questions she's too afraid to say out loud.

It's like she's trying to protect me, but also protect herself from whatever answer she might hear. As if asking would hurt her just as much as it might hurt me.

She wants me to be okay, I can see that, but she also doesn't want to get in the way of my healing. It's like she's silently hoping I'll find my way back without her having to ask how lost I really am.