I fell in love

Chapter 13

Ilang araw na puno ng sakit at pait.I let the days pass quietly, letting them bleed into each other without trying to hold onto any of them.

Althea had already moved out. She didn't slam the door or leave a trail of anger behind her.

She left quietly, but the silence she left in my place was deafening. It filled every corner of the room, every inch of my heart.

I knew she was upset.

Not because I broke up with Luke, but because I didn't tell her. I came home and ended it all without warning her, without giving her a glimpse into what was already unraveling in my head.

I kept it to myself, thinking I was protecting her or maybe just trying to protect whatever fragile part of me was still scared to say it out loud.

And I hate how it shut her out. Completely. 

"Hay, naku, Mariz. Wala na. Nawala na sayo parehas..." kausap ko sa sarili ko.

Marahan akong natawa sa naisip. I let go of Luke so I could love Althea freely and loud. 

But she got mad. 

And she looked at me like that hurt her more than anything. Like she couldn't believe I went through something that big and didn't even reach for her hand.

Like I made her feel small in a story she thought we were writing together. I saw it in her eyes. That quiet kind of hurt.

Deserve ko yata talaga 'to.

How many days had passed? Eight? Nine? Ten? I'm not sure.

All the sleepless nights, unsaid thoughts, days full of gloominess.

Tangina, tadhana, bakit ka ganito?

Ilang beses pa ba ako dapat umiyak? Ilang beses pa ba dapat malungkot? Gaano katagal pa?

Muli kong binalikan yung huling pag uusap naming dalawa ni Althea.

Althea

Let's not talk for a little while. I respect your decision. I was just shocked on how you handled it without including me. I should be part of this. Both of you are precious to me, hayaan muna nating humupa ang lahat.

Ako

No. Uuwi ka dito.

Althea

No. I'll stay in my unit. Kukunin ko yung gamit ko kapag alam kong wala ka sa unit mo. I don't want to be with you yet. I'm still upset.

Ako

Please, Althea...

—she didn't reply to that. I sent her multiple of messages, still, wala pa ring response.

I didn't mean to make her feel like she was on the outside. I didn't mean to make her carry the weight of not knowing. 

"Wala ka na namang gana," si Jane.

"Malamang. Anong gusto mong gawin ko dito? Magsayaw?" Umirap pa ako.

"Ang init ng dugo mo lagi, ano?" She laughed as if may nakakatawa. "Lalaki lang 'yan. Billions of people are still alive, lots of them are single. Hindi mo kailangang mag mukmok diyan, Mariz."

Gusto ko sanang sabihin na hindi naman si Luke ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaganito, pero... h'wag na lang.

"Ilang beses ko ba dapat sabihin na. Okay. Lang. Ako?" Diniinan ko pa yung pagkakasabi ko para mas makumbinsi siya.

"If you say so..." she laughed, still unconvinced.

Argh! Okay, hindi pa rin ako okay. Namimiss ko na si Althea. Its been more than a week since the last time I saw her. Hindi pa niya ako kinausap non!

"Mag papahinga ako. Ikaw na lang muna ang bahala sa labas." I breathed out.

"Wow, simpleng-simple 'yang pag taboy mo, ah?" Tumawa pa siya.

"Whatever," muli akong umirap. "Lumabas ka na nga!" Natawa na rin ako.

Alam kong nag hihintay lang si Jane na mag kwento ako. Next time na siguro, kapag ayos na kami ni Althea.

Kamusta kaya siya? Hindi pa rin nasagot sa mga text messages ko, eh. Is she fine? Mag isa lang ba sa unit niya?

"I miss you..." mahina kong saad sa litrato naming dalawa na home screen wallpaper ko ngayon. "Balik ka na..."

I laughed at my own thought. Nababaliw na nga ako.

Ako

I miss you

Balik ka na

Reply ka naman

r u busy? :(

Napabalikwas ako dahil nag notif na may reply siya. Oh, God!

Althea

Please. Mariz, stop doing these. Stop calling, texting, and chatting me. Hindi ka matutulungan nitong mga ginagawa mo. You need space and I'm giving you that. Let yourself enjoy everything alone. Please, baka nabibigla ka pa sa mga nangyari. After all these complicated things, aayusin natin lahat. We'll fix everything soon. Sa ngayon, kailangan mo muna hanapin at kilalanin yung sarili mo. We broke my bestfriends heart, Mariz. We have to consider how painful it was, okay? Respetuhin natin yung kaibigan ko, respetuhin natin yung naging relasyon niyo.

Ang kulit ko rin kasi, eh. Hindi ako naniniwala sa mga instinct ko na wala na talaga. Wala ng babalik. Hindi namapipilit.

Althea

Wag kang masyadong makulit dahil baka hindi ko kayanin.

What does she mean by that? Na kapag nakulitan siya babalikan niya ako? Nagpipigil lang siya, ganon? O, o baka naman... baka hindi niya kayanin at tuluyan na akong kalimutan? Hindi niya kayanin at sugurin ako para mapagalitan?

Althea

Alam kong nasasakta ka rin ngayon. I'm sorry for not being able to be with you. I'll be back real soon, for good. Pero sa ngayon, repetuhin muna natin si Luke, please. Mahal ko kayo parehas and you both need some space alone.

Gets ko na. Ganito yata talaga, tuturuan ka ni tadhana kung ano yung dapat mong maramdaman.

Althea

I miss you

Nanlaki bigla yung nagtutubig kong mata. Napaiyak ako lalo, pero this time, hindi ko na alam kung dahil sa kalungkutan pa rin ba.

Ako

I like you

Althea

Wag mo ubusin pasensya ko

Ako

Where are you?

Nang tumunog ulit yung phone ko, nawala yung ngiti ko dahil hindi na si Althea yung may message.

Madison

Nandito ako malapit sa resto niyo, you wanna hang out? Let's have some fun, namimiss na kita

Ako

Saan ka banda? I'll get ready first tapos lalabas na ako agad

Madison

Pupunta na lang ako sa foodholic tapos sabay na tayo mag shopping.

Hindi na ko nag reply at nag ayos na ko ng sarili, I checked my phone again. Wala na talagang inireply si Althea. Pero at least ngayon, alam kong babalik siya. Babalik si Althea.

Dahil sa isiping iyon, lumabas ako ng office at nakipag beso kay Madison na may malawak na ngiti sa labi.