I fell in love

Chapter 12

On the way home, I felt it rising in my chest like a slow, quiet storm. That strange mix of sadness and relief.

The kind that doesn't come with screaming or breaking down, but with a silence that stretches deep into your bones.

I felt like I was finally strong enough to end it with Luke. And it hurt. God, it hurt in ways I didn't expect.

Not because I still wanted to stay, but because for the first time, I knew I didn't have to.

It's not because of Althea.

 This isn't about someone else filling the spaces Luke couldn't. It's not about replacing anything.

It's about reclaiming everything. It's about finally having a reason to let go, and that reason being me. 

I want to be free. And I never realized how much I needed that until I started to feel it. 

That first flicker of freedom. That first breath that didn't feel borrowed. It stung, but it was the kind of pain that told me I was alive again.

I want to come back to the girl I was before I learned how to fold myself into someone else's expectations.

 I want to be someone who can stand in her own skin without asking if it's too much.

Someone who doesn't move just because he told her to. Someone who can say no. Someone who can say yes and mean it without fear.

Sa elevator pa lang, nagwawala na sa lakas ng tibok ang puso ko. Lalo lamang lumala iyon nang madatnan ko si Luke na nakaupo sa aking sofa. 

"So," he smiled, "how was Batangas?" Bungad niya sa akin.

Nag text ako kanina, saying that I need to tell him something.

This is it. There will be no right time for this.

And maybe that's what hurts the most. That freedom can ache like this.

That taking yourself back can feel like both losing and finding something at the same time.

But it's a good kind of hurt.

 The kind that comes when the weight finally starts to lift. The kind that says you're finally doing something right. 

"Where's Althea, by the way?" Tanong niya sa akin kahit hindi ko pa nasasagot ang una niyang katanungan. 

"She's, uhm, at work, natanggap siya, e." I held his hand. "I, uh," ilang beses akong kumurap at napalunok ng laway. "I'm sorry,"

"Why?" He asked. "Did you do something?" He smiled. 

Hindi ako nakasagot doon, words were suddenly rumbled through my head. It was as if there's no right words for me to use. 

"Is there anything wrong, love?" Tanong pa niya sa akin. Smile wa slowly fading on his face. 

Parang may kung anong malaking bagay na nakabara sa lalamunan ko na pinipigilan akong mag salita.

"Luke," my voice cracked as I said that. "I'm sorry," kusang nagsituluan yung mga luha ko, "mag hiwalay na tayo."

Agad kong tinakpan gamit yung mga palad ko ang mukha ko. I couldn't look him in the eye.

As the words left my mouth, my hand instinctively rose to cover my face, as if that small gesture could shield me from the shame settling in my chest.

I was breaking up with him, and the pain didn't just come from the ending itself. It came from everything I never said.

The silence that stretched between us for so long had slowly carved out the space that led us here.

I kept it all hidden.