"So," he smiled, "how was Batangas?" Si Luke.
Nag text ako kanina, saying that I need to tell him something.
This is it. There will be no right time for this.
"Where's Althea, by the way?"
"She's, uhm, at work, natanggap siya, e." I held his hand. "I, uh," ilang beses akong kumurap at napalunok ng laway. "I'm sorry,"
"Why?" He asked. "Did you do something?" He smiled. "Is there anything wrong, love?"
Parang may kung anong malaking bagay na nakabara sa lalamunan ko na pinipigilan akong mag salita.
"Luke," my voice cracked as I said that. "I'm sorry," kusang nagsituluan yung mga luha ko, "mag hiwalay na tayo."
Agad kong tinakpan gamit yung mga palad ko yung mukha ko.
"I'm really really sorry..."
"Sino?" Matapang niyang saad, "sino siya? Bakit ganto?"
"I'm sorry..."
"Ang bilis naman yata nito, Mariz. You just told me last night. Last. Fucking. Night." Lumabas sa sintido niya yung mga ugat at namumulang mukha niya ang nakabungad sa akin. "Hindi pa ba ako enough?" His bloodshot eyes are telling me how broken he is.
"I'm sorry, oh my gosh! I'm sorry," agad kong pinunasan yung mga luha na tuloy-tuloy lang sa pag tulo.
What have I done?
"Sabi mo kagabi, you want us to talk about such things." Alam kong sobrang nagpipigil siya ng emosyon. "You told me that you love me when I bid my goodnight," he then frustratedly raked his hands up to his well combed hair. "That was just last night, Mariz." I heard him sob.
"I'm sorry," napahagulgol na rin ako.
Kung pwede lang walang piliin, kung pwede lang walang masaktan. Pero sa ganitong sitwasyon, hindi pwedeng walang lalayo at masasaktan. Pero sa ngayon, si Luke yung mas kawawa.
"Sino?" He calmly said. "Sino siya?" Tinitigan niya ako sa mata.
"I'm sorr—"
"Sino ba kasi?" Medyo tumaas yung boses niya. "Please lang, Mariz, sabihin mo naman sakin! Parang awa mo na, please," desperation can be heard from his voice and it's so obvious from what he said. "Anong meron siya? Bakit siya na yung mahal mo?" He held my right hand. "We promised each other that we'll do our best to work things out, pero, how did this happen?"
"I'm sorry hind—"
"Sino?!" Mas pagalit na sigaw niya. "Please," he pleaded.
"S—Si... A-ano," fuck this! I hate my self!
He looks so stressed and I hate my self for stressing him out. But I can do nothing about it. Ayaw ko naman na patagalin pa. Mas magkakasakitan kami kung ipipilit kong itama yung mga bagay na maling-mali na.
"I'm sorry, Luke." I wiped his tears away. "Alam kong mali ako. Sobrang mali— and I'm sorry for that." I breathed out. "Mahal kita, it's just that, nag bago kasi yung love na nararamdaman ko..." ang sakit pala ng ganito, yung iiwan mo yung taong pinaniniwalaan mo hindi mo kayang mawala sayo.
He looked away.
"Hindi ko sinasadya, pero Luke, ginusto ko 'to, eh..." pinikit ko ng sobrang diin yung mga mata ko, "I really like Althea," Nag hintay ako ng response pero, wala.
"Does she like you back?" He asked.
"I don't know," I looked down. "I'm sorry," set of tears keeps on rolling down my cheeks.
"Alam mo... sa lahat ng taong may hawak ng puso ko..." he looked at me. "Sayo yung part na pinaka alam kong hindi mawawasak," he showed me a sad smile, "I regret nothing, mahal kita, and I'm still hoping for your success in life." Madiin niyang hinawakan yung kamay ko at ipinag-siklop yung mga palad namin.
"I'm sorry," ulit ko na naman. "Walang magagawa yung sorry ko, I know,"
"Thank you," he sincerely said, "for everything," gamit ang libreng kamay, inilagay niya sa likod ng tainga ko yung mga takas na buhok na napupunta sa mukha ko. "My everything."
Niyakap ko siya, mahigpit na mahigpit. Alam kong nasasaktan siya ng sobra. That is because of me, of course.
"I'm sorry, Luke."
"It's okay, love..." his voice cracked as he said that.
"Hindi ka manlang ba magagalit sa 'kin?" I asked. Bakit siya ganito?
"Why would I?" He asked back. "Kung masaya ka na, wala naman na ring sense kung galit ako o hindi." He sighed.
Hindi ko naisip kailanman, noong kami pa, na iiwan ko siya. He used to be my world. Everything feels good when I'm with him. Masaya ako sa mga ginagawa namin. Pero ngayon, ngayon lang pumasok sa isip ko na, every adventures that we did together, every memories that we have as a partner, yun yung pinaka may value, not the person that I was with when those things happened.
"I'll go back to States." He smiled.
Gulat akong napatingin sa kanya.
"I was actually thinking about that, pero ngayon, wala nang dahilan para mag stay dito."
"I'm sorry,"
"Matutupad ko nga yung pangarap ko," pinunasan niya yung mukha niya, " hindi naman tayo magkasama." Malungkot niyang dagdag.
"I'm sorry," muli kong wika.
"It's okay. I'll be fine." Tumayo siya, "last hug," he opened his arms.
Walang pagdadalawang isip akong yumakap sa kanya.
Ramdam namin yung tibok ng puso ng bawat isa. I can feel his pain, I know how broken he is.
We stayed like that for minutes before he loosen up the hug, "take care, okay?" He wiped my tears away. "I love you." Hinalikan niya ako sa noo.
Nauna na akog tumalikod at hindi na inalintana yung ibang taong tumitingin. His sobs are too clear for me to forget it while I'm inside my car. Sumigaw ako ng sobrang malakas nang maupo ako.
I don't know where things will be settled at, but what I'm sure about is that I did these things to make it right. To do what is right.
