Big Top

Chapter 8

The weeks following mine and Louis's kiss have been filled with nothing but getaways, sneaky kisses behind train cars and tents, behind trees, you name it we probably kissed behind it. But most of the time couldn't be enjoyed as much as we wished because there was still that overwhelming fear of someone catching us. I hated it for Louis, I just wanted to take him away from the circus and take him somewhere we didn't have to worry about what others would do if they found out about us. Homosexuality was still frowned upon in the 1930s but the more I learned about it the more I learned how much more it was being accepted by society. The safest place I would think for us would be somewhere on the edge of nowhere, out where no one could find us. But it hurt me that I would have to tear Louis away from everything like that. But when we would talk about stuff like this he always assured me that it was a price he would be willing to pay.

The more I got to know Louis the more I adored him. We had both decided that we fancied each other not long after our first kiss and we really wanted to be in a relationship. However bizarre it may sound, we did decide we were...boyfriends. It still feels weird saying it because I've never heard it used like that, but it still sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach when I got to call Louis that. Today was another good day because we had the whole day to ourselves to do whatever we wanted. Louis and I didn't hesitate to wander off after the train stopped. Luckily we were still in the middle of nowhere with nothing but forest around us. We walked until we found an old abandoned shack, it was a perfect hideaway for us.

We sat and talked for what felt like hours. It was great just to sit and admire him. We ended up playing twenty questions to see if we didn't know anything about each other. Turns out there's a lot I didn't know. I found out Louis hates asparagus and his biggest fear is snakes. When I told him one of my fears I thought he would lose his voice from laughing so much.

"No way! Spiders? You are afraid spiders?!" He laughed, holding onto his stomach.

"Laugh all you want. But when I was a kid I got bit by a brown recluse and nearly died. So, I try my best to avoid them." His laughter slowed as he took in what I had just said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Harry...I wouldn't have laughed if I had known." He folded his hands in his lap and looked down.

"Louis, there's nothing to be sorry about. I guess it is a pretty silly fear."

"Just about as silly as being afraid of heights, yeah?" He peered up at me through his eye lashes.

"I don't think any fear is silly. Everyone is afraid of something and no one else should have a right to say whether or not that is something worth being afraid of." I watched as he pondered over my words, "So, no, I don't think your fear of heights is silly. Plus, Rosie's helping you, yeah." He laughed.

"Yeah, I guess she is. Thanks, Haz." He scooted closer to me so I could cuddle him. I liked having him in my arms, feeling his breathing, feeling his weight on my chest. I liked protecting him. I felt like it was my job to do so, because Richard didn't seem to care about him much, and that broke my heart. "I'm worried about Rosie, tomorrow's her first show. You think she's ready?"

"Honestly," I huffed, "No, I don't think she's ready. I wish Richard would give her more time." I felt him nuzzle his head more against my chest.

"Hmm, don't mention him. I don't wanna think about him right now." He leaned up and kissed me softly, "Let's just do this." He mumbled against my lips before swinging a leg over my side so he was straddling me. Our lips moved slowly at first, but gradually picked up urgency. Louis moaned into my mouth when our tongues met and he slipped his hand into my hair making me moan as well. By this point I couldn't really control my body as I felt blood rushing between my legs, making me swell slowly. I groaned and bucked my hips up without thinking and Louis gasped and jerked away from my mouth. I laid beneath him completely speechless as he stared at me with wide eyes.