Big Top

Chapter 37

It would only be a few more days until our show in Redwing, Kansas; that's where Jean is. Louis and I already had the suitcase packed and hidden so we would be ready for our escape. After the night show, everyone will be tired and sleepy so it will be easy for us just to slip out unnoticed. I hope it will be easy anyway. I admit that I do feel guilty about leaving some of the people here. But, the most important people in our lives — Martha, Niall, Zayn, and Liam — know that we are leaving and know why. I thought about telling Joe that I was leaving but I just felt like I couldn't. He did not know about Louis and I being together and I was not going to tell him. I did not want him to know because too many people knew already.

Louis seemed even more ready than I was. Louis was more ready than me, he had lived on this traveling Hell his whole life. I was ready to start an actual life with Louis where we could raise our children in a stable environment. I wanted a white house with blue shutters around the windows, and a big backyard where the kids could play. There would be a tree with a tire swing just below the tree house we will build. The tree house that we will have camp outs in, where the kids will run to when they get angry. Louis and I have already mapped everything out. I can't wait until we get to cook breakfast for our family in our kitchen. I can't wait until our kids run to Louis and I's bed during a thunderstorm and hide under the sheets. I feel like the happiest person in the world when Louis and I talk about everything we're going to do. Of course, we know it won't just happen overnight, we know we will have to work for it. We will make it, I know we will.

Louis had his arm draped over my body as he breathed softly against the back of my neck. I had been awake for a while but I really did not want to wake him. I wondered if I could just slip over without waking him. I slowly inched my body around to face him, he groaned a bit and hugged my body closer. Our chests were a bit sweaty and sticky from the heat of our bodies and the heat from the blanket covering us. I never want to pull away from Louis so, I just pull the blanket off of us and hope he doesn't notice. This time he noticed, letting a shiver wrack his body. He opened his eyes and groggily spoke to me, "What's wrong? Are you hot?"

"Kinda." I whispered to him, my voice scratchy from silence. "You?"

"Know that I'm awake, yeah, I am." He replied and rubbed his eyes.

"Sorry, I woke you." I whispered and leaned in to kiss his nose.

"No, it's fine." He leaned into my touch, "This may be the most time we've had alone together all week." He smiled, it definitely had been a long week for the both of us.

"Yeah, you're probably right." I smiled back and rested my head on my pillow. "Lou?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" He said, closing his eyes again.

"Are you scared? About leaving, I mean." His eyes slowly opened back up and he looked me in the eyes.

"A little, I suppose." He shrugged his shoulders and rubbed his hand up my bare arm. "But, I know it'll be worth it when we do leave. We'll get to spend more time with the kids." He leaned in closer, "More time with each other." I sighed at the thought as he leaned in and pecked my lips gently.

"And we'll finally get to...um, you know.." Louis furrowed his eyebrows together. We had talked about multiple things we would be able to do once we left, but we had never talked about what was on my mind at that moment, "make love." Louis inhaled slowly and bit his lip.

"A-are we ready for that?" He asked, rubbing his hand on my back and making eye contact with me.

"I-I am." I stated, my voice unsure but my thoughts positive. "Are you?"

"Well, I'm more worried about you. I-I don't wanna hurt you." He said while lovingly stroking my cheek.

"Louis, it's going to hurt the first time anyway." I said. We both already knew who would be the bottom — me.