Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

13. Trigger

Why was I always lied to?

All I knew was that I had been lied to and forcibly taken somewhere I didn't want to be. This was a room filled with those lies and betrayals of the people I trusted. Especially Nathan. I put the last small bit of trust I had left into him, I had believed that he wouldn't have told anyone where I was or what I had been doing with my life and my body. Yet, what happened? He shoved a knife into my back. Deep and certain. Precise and cold.

Nathan had been all I had left. When I needed to cry, he gave me his shoulder. When I needed a place to sleep, he gave me his bed. When I needed to hear someone else's voice, he talked to me. He made living with my horrible, disgusting self that much easier. He gave me oxygen to breathe with, even though I deserved to be dead. Nathan had become my one constant over that past year, he had been the one thing that I knew would be standing when the dust settled.

Then this happened. He helped my parents, and told them what I hadn't wanted them to know. Even if I had said all that shit, I still hadn't wanted them to see me that way. I didn't want to show them how much of a failure they raised, and that had partially been why I never went back home and spent my time with Nathan instead. I wasn't avoiding them, and I hadn't been mad at them. I was running from them. I was hiding from them.

Loser. You fail everyone and everything. How does it feel sucking the life out of the people around you? How does it feel knowing you'll never be enough for anyone ever again? You were given your chances, and you fucked them all up. You almost killed your best friend and girlfriend, now you've driven away the person you held close. It's not the world that doesn't recognize you, it the world that you don't recognize. You aren't worth anyone's time.

This room, it had been so empty. It was so quiet. This room had reminded me of so many things, but the biggest was that I was alone. I no longer had a soul in my life, and I no longer had someone to lean on while leeching them dry. If I was going to fall, then I was going to fall. I hadn't had Nathan there to catch me, I hadn't had Grace there to save me. Brian had been disgusted with me and left. Everyone left me. They just left me alone in this cold, dark storm. I felt it again, that feeling. . .I was scared.

I was terrified.

The silence had been destroyed by the door opening, and in came a woman. She had been a brunette with short, wavy hair and big, innocent eyes. If there had been a polar opposite of me in the world at that moment, it was her. She had been the spotlight and I was the cave, the light and the dark. This woman had carried a smile, as though she had no idea where she worked. I didn't want to see that kind of smile. Not in the mood I had been in.

"Good morning, Lynn." she fell into the chair and rolled over to the examination table my left hand had literally been attached to. She dropped her tablet down on the table and looked me before extending her hand. "I'm your doctor and counselor, Rebecca, but everyone calls me Becky. You can call me whatever works for you, though. Are you feeling okay?"

Aside from the brutal crash I'd been riding that whole morning? Awful.

"No." my heel tapped against the wooden cabinet beneath me.

Kicking herself away, she rolled back over to one of the drawers across the room and pulled out a stethoscope, where a pair of gloves soon followed it. Her movements had been loose, easygoing, and could have even been misconstrued for uncaring to some people. Clearly, she cared about helping people, otherwise she would have been in a different industry altogether. Yet, it had likely been that looseness she presented herself with that made everyone so comfortable.

"This is the Oregon Mental Health and Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Group." she slowly came back over this time around. "We mostly specialize in Dual-Diagnosis treatments in teenagers, but we also take on individual mental health disorders and addiction patients from all over."