Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

43. Sayer

Grace's left foot met the wooden dock that I had become so familiar with and was followed by her right milliseconds later. The short, silence-laden walk from that building to the old, wooden dock only served to increase the doubt that had already existed inside of me and my mind. She had been completely distant towards me as her spacey eyes brought me back to that night in the park.

Joining the silence she gave, a stillness had taken over the air around us. That was until her right hand extended itself and took my left hand as she began to weave her fingers together with mine.

"I know I made a horrible choice, and I can't even begin to imagine what I put you through. I can't take back anything I did or put you through, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know that you were the only person that made me hesitate from jumping. It was only you."

"Tell me why you wanted to die. . .tell me why you wanted to leave me alone?" I bit down on my lip as my eyes almost instinctively veered away from hers. "Why didn't you just fucking ask me to do it with you?"

Letting go of my hand, Grace took a few more steps onto the dock before spinning around and planting herself down onto the wood. It wasn't but seconds later that she looked back up at me and pointed at a space right across from her with her heel. Perhaps it was her way of implying that it was going to take some time and standing would've gotten uncomfortable. If someone had asked me a year ago, I would have undoubtedly said that, but that wasn't something I had been able to confidently say now. Had I really known Grace as well as I thought I did?

Grace still could have been the love of my life, or she could've been a complete stranger. Even if I was clearly in love with the image of the person in front of me, had it truly been the Grace I knew and loved, or was this woman just a hollow shell of what she used to be? The glistening in her eyes, the glow of her smile with every word, and even the way she stole my words from me hadn't changed at all.

"After that night at the police station, my dad started drinking more. Every night after that for months, he just took his anger out on me. He screamed at me for things I didn't have any control over and started throwing me around by my hair whenever I talked back." Grace took my hand once again, grasping tightly. "He held me in front of that fucking church and quoted that fucking bigot Jerry Falwell before telling everyone that he was sending his "enemy of a daughter" to stay with her grandfather at Genesis International to be "cured of her homosexuality".

Every time I thought of doing something to myself, it was the thought of you that stopped me. I didn't want to see you crying and I definitely didn't want to hurt you like that, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle being screamed at for doing nothing and I couldn't handle being his fucking punching bag anymore. The worst part was that nobody seemed to care about what he was doing to me. It killed me knowing that the only person worth staying alive for was the only person I wasn't allowed to see. . ."

Grace's cheeks went red as the clear streaks of fluid began to fall from her rounded cheekbones. It was clear to see that in those falling tears lied her regrets and the pain she felt living through that daily torture that her father had caused her. Within every shaky word, she tried her best to keep herself together and not let her composure fall apart, but that was when it struck me. This was the first time I had ever seen Grace cry. The woman I thought had so much strength was breaking down not even a foot across from me and I couldn't say or do a damn thing.

She never would've been selfish enough to attempt the taking of her own life without a real reason, and that was something I hadn't quite realized until right at that moment. Grace was always the type to think before doing, it never mattered if it was big or small, meaningful or meaningless, Grace was just never someone to make snap decisions or do anything on impulse. The way she had always been confident about her decisions almost made it feel like she had jumped into the future and found the result waiting for her.