Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

32. Safer

As soon as I passed through the door into Rebecca's office, a pair of thin arms enfolded my upper body, strangling me with every last bit of strength they had. Feminine, trembling breaths took over my hearing as her arms and fingers physically gave the same quaking that her breathing had spilt. There was no way I could move within the warmth of that embrace, there was no way I could separate myself from a feeling I hadn't felt in so long.

I almost couldn't control myself as my own arms lifted themselves up and just as quickly found the middle of her back, moving slowly upwards until they met the blades of her shoulders, where my fingers clung to the soft fabric of her top. Grasping, tightening by the second, my grip on her shirt only grew stronger as I began to fall into the feeling that I had been desperately missing for what felt like so long.

The cradle created by her arms had told me just how wrong I really was. Without a lone word to accompany her actions, she told me how worried she was about me. Without a single sound to enforce her feelings, she told me how much she missed me. She had always loved me, and that night in the hospital said as much, but it just always felt like she was so far away all the time. It felt like I was never needed.

I felt like an unnecessary existence to everyone and everything.

That feeling only became more prominent after my dad seemed to make a concerted effort to never come home. I always tried my best to involve myself in her work, even when she was busy. It was simple stuff like organizing documents to getting her something to drink, or as little as getting her laptop charger. I took every angle I could think of, but every time I was pushed away without even being looked in the eyes.

It made me feel like trash, that I was just another burden and another bother in her life. I was just another mouth to feed and another back to put clothes on. Sometimes I just felt that I was a regret, and not a child of theirs. That was why I distanced myself, because it was made clear that I just causing people trouble. That was why I started to fall so hard for Grace, because she gave me the attention and the affection that I lacked, that I craved. What I hadn't known or foreseen was that our relationship would have blossomed into so much more.

As my head fell into her shoulder, it became clear that my self-control switch was turned off. Her touch, the warmth, and even the hair that swept passed my ear had become too much. I shut down for what had been at least several minutes, and I didn't have a reason why outside of just losing control. Perhaps it was being shown the attention, the affection that I had likely lacked my entire life, or maybe I had just gotten overwhelmed and this was my first reaction. I wasn't sure at all, and I'm still not. All I had known was that I lacked the capacity to think right at that moment.

After what felt like minutes of me holding her in a still silence, my mom slowly, if not hesitantly, seemed to pull herself away and revealed Nathan to me. That was when my feelings started to get a little mixed up, because I was angry that he did all of this without ever saying a word. He never gave me an option to agree willingly, yet he cared enough about me to do it, to help my mom get me thrown in here.

"He wanted to see you, honey." she began to rub the knuckle of her thumb with her index finger. "Your brother is in New York for a fight tomorrow, so he couldn't make it."

It kind of stung not seeing Brian there, if I was being honest. Maybe he really did have a fight, but I wouldn't have blamed him if that was a lie. No brother would want to see someone he tried so hard to keep away from drugs in rehab for that very thing, and after what I had heard about him, it might have been for the better. More than that, did I even want him around when I told my mom what happened?

Brian was liar and a hypocrite, but I still loved him just the same. He was my brother, that much would've never changed.

"Okay, Mrs. Owens. Let me start by prefacing a few things here." Rebecca sat on her desk loosely, looking at my mom and smiling. "Let's all take a seat first, though, shall we?"