Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

66. Wonder

"Um, Jay. . ." I handed the paper back to him. "Can I talk to you for a second out there?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Jay began to walk towards the door with me not too far behind him as he held the door open for me to come out after him. After walking a good distance away from any possible eavesdropping, I watched Jay fan himself with the paper belonging to the lyrics he wrote. It's not that the lyrics were offensive towards me or anything like that, I just wasn't comfortable giving out that much information about myself. The lyrics he wrote explained every feeling I ever told him, all placed into the format of a song lyrics

I was honored to have him write a song about my experiences and using it to sing my same story to those willing to listen, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to sing it myself. It'd been over a year and a half since I was raped by Devin, and a little over a month and a half since the trial ended, but I still wasn't exactly comfortable talking about it with others. Most people knew the court story, not everything else that happened after it. In the eyes of most people, Courtney was the same innocent queen of the school, except to a select few. Jay was one of those few.

Chris told me that I should've gone after Courtney, since there were witnesses and someone was bound to flip on her, but nothing she ever did was entirely her own fault. Some of that fault lied on me for never saying anything, while the majority was on Devin. I had a chance to not just tell the counselor at my school, but to my mom and even Courtney that day in front of my locker. Even with all of the help right before my eyes, I ran away from the them and chose to put a needle in my arm because it was easier. It was easier than exposing myself for the sake of making sure Devin was held accountable for his acts.

"You think it's too much, right? I kinda figured it might be." Jay cocked his head as he pulled a pen out from behind his ear and unfolded the lyrics. "I wrote it them in a way where I could get rid of some of the words and have the song read more like it's about being addicted to drugs to run away from something."

As Jay pressed the paper against the wall, I stood over his shoulder and watched him block out several words from each verse and then add to the bridge. Slowly, the song began to change from what was essentially the last year to a song about drugs and the world of addiction. It was personal still, but not as personal as it was before. What stood out more than anything else, more than the lyrics, was how Jay thought about how I may have felt about such a personal song being written.

"Lynn." Jay folded the paper back up as I curiously made my way over to an empty front desk and pulled open one of the drawers to find it empty. "Do you think we would've met if it wasn't for the drugs and all that shit?"

"If you were in Ely before your rehab, then maybe? I mean, we ended up moving here and Grace has always insisted that we pursue music together." I continued to put what was likely too much thought into his question. "If my mom still dumped my "dad" and got together with Chris, and he gave her the job out here, then I could see it happening. It might've taken longer, but I think it would've happened. People like you and Grace are magnetic towards each other."

Jay gave a wispy laugh through the cracks between his teeth. "That so? Then, what if we didn't have people we were permanently attached to?"

If Grace hadn't ever existed or died that late afternoon, and I knew Jay? Jay, himself, was a lot like Grace in a number of ways. Much like I almost did in the lounge room, I likely would've found myself attracted to him. Whether that was to replace Grace's missing presence in my life or because he was just the type of person I was attracted to, I wasn't even close to sure. All I really knew was that I never wanted to find out. Never again. Grace was staying in my life for good this time.

"I wonder." I teased with a quick turn before jumping onto the front desk. "I'd probably fall for you, since you're a lot like her."

"Eh? I see you as being more similar to me than she is." Jay started scratching his chin. "Don't get me wrong, she's an awesome person, but she isn't anything like me."