Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

18. Smiler

"Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her. She's the only one who knows what it is to burn."
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Day three of withdrawals came, and they hadn't changed much from day two. If anything, they were just a touch worse, if that was even possible. Sleep and an appetite had suddenly become mysterious, inexplicable perplexities to me, and lets just say that some I had some very real issues with my stomach. While my aggression had somewhat subsided, these more than made up for it. Exhausted and carrying a stomach that seemed to have gained a life of it's own, I lied on the couch across from Jay and watched as he fiddled with the tuning of his guitar.

"The worst part is almost over." he lied his guitar down horizontally onto his lap and glanced up. "It usually starts easing up on the fourth day."

His eyes fell downwards again and met the strings of the guitar. As his foot tapped against the floor, a smile I had yet to see from him spread across his face. It wasn't a regular smile that you would see anyone on the streets wear, it was one of those unabashed, shameless smiles that only confident people could wear. Jay wore a smile that declared he was unafraid of the derision he could have faced from the people who seemed to berate him with every chance they got.

That was also why he had been a noted musician and I was the basement-dwelling drug addict.

"Son", she said, have I got a little story for you. What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a. . ." Jay began to sing Pearl Jam's 'Alive' as his fingers bounced between an A and a G with an added ninth. Even while he sang, his smile still seemed to remain while not affecting his singing at all. "While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen, your real daddy was dyin'. Sorry you didn't see him, but I'm glad we talked. . ."

Jay stopped playing as he ended the first verse of the song, looking up once again to find me still watching. What changed this time was that he hadn't looked away, he just stared like I was an alien or something amazing that he was unable to tears his eyes apart from. While I had done the same, it was only because he had been doing it. I didn't know why he was looking, nor did I care. Okay, maybe I did. Just a little.

He turned the neck of his guitar outwards, pointing it towards me. "Your girlfriend, she's a musician, no? You gotta know at least a little something, then. How about some Smoke on the Water?"

Sitting upright, I was surprised to see Jay get up and come around before sitting next to me. It was after he sat down that he attempted to hand over his guitar again. Carefully, my fingers started to loop around the neck of his expensive-looking guitar and pulled it towards me. As my fingers met the strings and fingerboard, it hit me like a freight train. Everything from the rosewood to the overall finish was so familiar to the only other guitar I had ever held. It was just like hers.

After Grace had asked me to learn, I took it seriously and learned everything I could with her - all while enjoying every last second of it. Before long, I had moved far past Jay's snarky recommendation and was playing actual songs. Well, a couple, at least. It had been a little over a year since I last played or even touched one, but I could still faintly remember one song. Only because it was a song from one of her favorite bands, and a song that she played a lot herself. Grace loved Finch, and that song was one of her favorites.

Starting with an E, my hands motioned into a D suspended solely from memory.

"Today's on fire. The sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered. I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day. And still. . ." I found myself taking a deep breath, not because I needed to, but because I had suddenly felt something burst inside me. "Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her. She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn. . ."