Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

44. Brighter

Grace took hold of my left arm and ran her thumb over the permanent scar I tattooed onto myself. As those seconds melted away with my forearm in her grasp, her fingers only continued to tighten around it through a stifling silence. The look on her face after I kissed her and the way she looked at my arm spoke for her. I couldn't do anything other than watch as an expression of uncertainty took over her expression.

I clearly had to tell her what happened, but what was the best way to tell her? In that slowly suffocating silence, I was forced to choose between vaguely explaining what happened to me like I did to my mom or telling her everything from Devin to the drugs and everything in between them. Of course, I sincerely wanted to just gloss over everything and be over it, but something told me she wouldn't have been okay with that, no matter how much she said otherwise.

What was more important to me was being fair to the woman who was so brazenly open with me. She opened herself up to me and me only, likely carrying many of the same fears I experienced and was experiencing myself. Maybe it sounded childish to say fair or unfair, but that was what it was to me. If she was going to be open and honest with me, then I was going to be just as equitable as she had been and give her the same.

I gulped what felt like a gallon of my own saliva and took a breath.

"About a week after you tried to kill yourself, I ran into Nathan doing some kind of workout for rehabbing his ankle after they kicked me out of your room. It wasn't like I wanted to be around someone like him, but he wouldn't leave me alone. I kept conveniently running into him every time I went to the hospital. After a few of weeks, I gave up and just kinda let him in." my free hand lifted up and brushed my hair back as my eyes returned to Grace, who was still looking at my arm. "He invited me to some small party the football team had to celebrate the season starting. It was fun and everyone seemed nice enough, it was just a normal party until people started leaving. Before I could even think something was wrong, it was just me, Nathan, and Devin.

He brought over this drink to me and kept one for himself. I mean, I smelled and tasted it, and even he was drinking it himself. It was hard for me to imagine that it was anything other than a fruity drink. Even after I drank some of it, I still felt okay and I was still talking normally, it just came out of nowhere. . ."

This was where it got tough. I wanted to look away when I told her, but I couldn't. If I looked away, I wouldn't have known what she was thinking. If I looked at her when I told her, I was going to see a pair of eyes that I hadn't wanted to see, I was going to be shown an expression that was unfitting of that pretty face. That wasn't what I wanted to do, that wasn't even close to what I wanted to do, but I could only question if I even had a choice in the matter.

If I wasn't the one to tell her, she would have heard it from someone else. That wasn't something I wanted to happen with Grace. If she was ever going to have to hear it, I was going to make sure that it was me who told it. Even if I wasn't able to explain why I felt this way, it was a matter that I wasn't going to bend on. She was going to hear it come from my lips, not in any other shape or form.

Grace finally looked up from my arm, biting her lip as she dragged her fingernails down my forearm and onto my palm, dragging down until the tips of her fingers met my own. Perhaps it was because we had known each other since childhood, but there hadn't been any need for words as fingers grazed against mine, resting in the same spot they landed in. Even if something was different, nothing had changed about my feelings for her. Nothing at all.

I could only hope that she would have felt the same about me when the smoke cleared and the dust had fallen.

"I think Nathan said something about going to the bathroom or something, but the next thing I knew, my head was spinning like a top and I couldn't even walk straight. For some reason, I was stupid enough to think that Devin was actually helping me out of the water so I wouldn't drown or something. What he actually did was tear off what I was wearing and. . ." I brought my knuckles to my lips as I trailed off. "You know, forced himself inside. When I woke up I was naked on top of that freezing pavement and in the worst kind of pain I ever felt. Nathan tried to help, but what Devin did wouldn't leave my head. All I was able to do was scream and cry at nobody but myself. It was all I could do anyways. That was the first time in my life that I actually wanted to feel numb."