Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

68. Epiloguer

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hey, Grace?

You probably won't ever read this, or hear this, because I'm probably going to burn it as soon as I finish it. There is so much I need to think about at this point in my life that I thought writing it all out might help me a little bit. I mean, it sounds stupid, right? If I want to talk to you, I can just talk to you face to face, but that's the problem. If I talk to you, I'll either lose my words or talk about the smallest part and act like it was the only thing. It's not you or anything like that, I'm just thinking that putting it in words in the form of a letter will make it easier to get out. I know you're in the room right next to me, working on the album. I just need a little time to think things through on my own.

So much is changing so quickly, like Chris proposing to my mom. It was something he should have done in the first place. Maybe if that obnoxious oaf was the one who raised me, none of the things we experienced would've ever happened. That aside, it wasn't really all that surprising when my mom showed me some gigantic rock on her finger and told me that Chris proposed. Maybe it was just me, but it was just one of those things that were only a matter of time. I'm happy for her, and I'm slowly getting to know who my real dad is at the same time, I suppose. It's a slow, really slow process, but I'm trying to get there.

I wonder how Nathan's doing, honestly. I'm worried about him. How many times did I call him before I had to go see him personally, only to find out that he disappeared? I seriously lost count. It was hard for me to believe that Nathan disappeared after we left Ely, leaving Joanna and his family behind without so much as a letter or note saying where he was going or how long he would be gone. I mean, I don't have much of a place to say anything, but he was worrying everyone after disappearing like that. Unlike me, nobody's even heard a peep from him. I really hope he's okay and comes back soon. Joanna hasn't been on speaking terms with me since that night, and I don't really blame her. I don't know if she ever told Nathan what I said or if he told her that it was mostly a lie, but that night she hit me was the last time she spoke to me.

Do you remember going to see that gallery for Lucas and his boyfriend's paintings and photographs? I didn't know that Lucas wanted to be a photographer, and at the very least, I really didn't expect him to be that good. It kind of gave me a new understanding about pictures, like it was more than just picking up a camera and taking a picture of what was in front of you. It also kinda gave me a new respect for the photographer on our tours and how much work she puts in to make everything look the best it can. I heard that he relapsed once after leaving, but has been clean since. I hope he can stay that way this time around.

Brian and Horse started talking again the last time he came to Ely, and talked him into trying mixed martial arts as a way out of the drug world he was buried so deeply in. I wasn't ever told the specifics, but after Horse decided to drop out of the drug world and accept Brian's offer, he was arrested after attempting to sell over a kilogram of coke. When his house was checked out, they found even more stashed underneath the tiles in the kitchen and in the walls of the guest room. That was the last I heard, or at least, that was how much Erin wanted to tell me.

Speaking of Erin, it sounds like Playing With Fire is doing good for themselves. I think she said they were almost halfway through their UK tour with Fit For A King and Currents already. With Erin leading them, the sky is the limit for Playing With Fire. It was sad hearing about their other singer, too. It's honestly kind of hard to swallow that someone pretty much my age was taken away so quickly. I've been hearing rumors that they've been looking for another vocalist. I wonder if they have anyone in mind?

Do I even need to say more about Jay? Jay always does Jay things. His daughter, Lily, was damn near the cutest thing I'd ever seen. He's as amazing as ever, still making great music and living up to the expectations the world has set for him. I'm excited to see what he'll do on next album, "Hollow", which he wants to feature us on again. "Just because", he says.

Me? I still have my nightmares and I still have my scars, even after all this time. I think it was Rose Kennedy that said the mind protects its sanity with scar tissue with the passing of time. I agree and disagree with her. My scars will never completely leave me, both physically and mentally, but they don't need to leave. My scars are and can be used as a message that survivors and those experiencing what I went through do have a way out, they do have a light at the end of that nightmarishly dark tunnel. A message that says, if anything at all, he or she isn't alone. Whether that be rape, drugs, or anything in between will change for every individual.

Even so, I still battle through the breathlessness of night terrors and struggled through the inability to coherently be around any man I don't trust. No matter how much I work on trying to heal my wounds, there will be some that will never fully close or heal for me. No matter how much I try to run away from them or how deep I bury them inside of myself, they'll exist. And the more I try to deny their existence, the stronger they'll become. So, I'll wear my scars like tattoos and let them make me stronger with each and every step I take forward. I'll be stronger, for you and for anyone who needs me. I won't be the one that folds with someone anymore, I'll be the one there to hold them up when they need someone the most.

As for you. . .

Where the hell do I even start?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Screaming and yelling of men and women, the cheering that rocks the ground beneath our feet, and even seeing the faces of the people who wait for you in front of a stage with anticipation in their hopeful eyes. It's right there in that small little world that you see just how powerful music is to not just oneself, but to the people hearing what an artist has created. The beauty of one interpretation is another kind of beauty to someone else, but there is one common factor in every last one of those interpretations, that factor is the emotions put into the song.

The simple fact is that emotions can transcend far beyond words, or even sounds. That's what every artist aims to do when they create the art form that is music. They want to spread a message or reach out to those who need help, they want to tell a story, or they want to express how they feel to those who want to listen. It doesn't matter if it's metal or bubblegum pop, country or spoken word, every artist in every genre has something to say or a way to feel. Artists want to connect to other people through the medium they know best, through the medium they love. That is the beauty of music. That is the beauty of art. That is the beauty of the human connection.

/      /      /

"How's it going, Coachella?! How about we kick today off with a new song from our second album, 'Sleep Therapy'?"

I wrap my hand around the microphone, a guitar hanging off of my shoulders as a cheering roars through the small army of nearly one hundred thousand people. Grace and I trade a small glance and smile before turning back to the crowd.

"This one's called Safehaven."